confused about guys??

Shawndalynn · #1 09-18-2002, 08:16 AM

Hello, okay here is the story, I met this guy almost two months ago and we started talking hanging out with each other etc. well about 3 weeks ago I did something and he got upset (he hasn't been with anyone in a real long time and is scared of opening up to someone) so we stopped talking for about 2 weeks and then just about 2 weeks ago we started talking again because he had called and said that he missed me and wanted to try things with us again but this time he just wanted to see where things went. Now the thing I am confused on is that he now only calls maybe once every two days and it is real late at night. I guess what I want to know is he still interested in me? He says he is but we all know what a guy says and what he does is sometimes the complete oppostie. I have always thought that is you liked someone you would want to talk to them and spend time with him. He told me before that he was scared and I think maybe that he did like me and it was scaring thim thats why he is not calling as much as he used to, but he said lets see where things go and someone has to put some effort into it. Does this make any sense? I just don't know what to do. I really care about this guy

AchtungBaby80 · #2 09-18-2002, 09:33 AM

The #1 cardinal rule is: Don't ever try to figure out guys! It won't work. I can't even understand women sometimes and I am one, so I'm sure as heck not going to get anywhere close to figuring out guys.

That said, there's other fish in the sea. I know you said you care about this guy, but he sounds a little wishy-washy. Don't you want a guy who's up-front and knows what he wants?

UF_PikePC98 · #3 09-18-2002, 09:49 AM

This is my area!

When I find a situation such as your I relate it to stealing candy from a baby. what I have to say may offend you but I'm trying to be a sincere as possible without hurting your feelings. These things are true.

First, I don't know if you've hooked up with this guy in some way or form but I'd say it's a pretty safe bet. My guess is you wanted to start dating/seeing him and he didn't. The guy used what most guys use inorder to avoid a commitment, a bad past experience. He probably found you cool to hang out with but as far as a girlfriend goes you are out of the question. He tried his luck for a little while to find somone else who gave the same things as you did without wanting a relationship of some form. He didn't find anyone in the short amount of time so he inturn called you back saying how he missed you ( Translation-- I haven't hooked up in two weeks and so I'm coming back to you.). He calls late at night because your are morethanlikely to have an open mind at that time of night after the stressfull day. He is also calling you up at that time of night because a womans mind is easier to fill with a bunch of bull$hit after a long day and they are either A. likely to come over or B. likely to see things his way and give in. Most intimate calls are made on the phone at night time. I'd say your being played sweetheart and if you don't believe me ask some of these girls on here what they think.

Hope I calrified things up.... I have to go to class now but I'll be back later to finish my story.

UF Pike

twinstars · #4 09-18-2002, 11:41 AM

The best advice I can offer about guys is to look at what he does, and ignore what he says. Put him on mute, so to speak. What do his actions reveal? If he's feeding you the right lines, but his actions don't back it up, he's not being sincere, and/or he doesn't have the best intentions for you.

The whole "let's just see where things go" idea doesn't sound that promising to me. He already knows you... you've been friendly for months... so he should have a pretty good idea whether or not he likes you enough to date you, and whether or not the chemistry's there. Don't let him use you... string you along for weeks or months, all the while enjoying hooking up with you... while he "figures out" where he wants things to go.

If he straight-up tells you he wants to date you, exclusively, and he consistently acts in a way that makes you believe him, then give him a chance.

But don't let him lead you on. You're already good friends; he should already know whether you're a possible girlfriend or if you're in the "just a hookup, I'd never date her" category.

justamom · #5 09-18-2002, 12:14 PM

As blunt as UF_Pike may be at times, he paints a clear picture. Twinstars too is giving you good advice.

Depending on your fight- if YOU hurt HIM- and if he is rather shy or GUNshy for that matter, there is one other possibility I can think of.
He may be checking up on you to see if you are home or out. While this is a stretch, from experience, I can say it does happen.

librasoul22 · #6 09-18-2002, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by twinstars
The best advice I can offer about guys is to look at what he does, and ignore what he says. Put him on mute, so to speak. What do his actions reveal? If he's feeding you the right lines, but his actions don't back it up, he's not being sincere, and/or he doesn't have the best intentions for you.

The whole "let's just see where things go" idea doesn't sound that promising to me. He already knows you... you've been friendly for months... so he should have a pretty good idea whether or not he likes you enough to date you, and whether or not the chemistry's there. Don't let him use you... string you along for weeks or months, all the while enjoying hooking up with you... while he "figures out" where he wants things to go.

If he straight-up tells you he wants to date you, exclusively, and he consistently acts in a way that makes you believe him, then give him a chance.

But don't let him lead you on. You're already good friends; he should already know whether you're a possible girlfriend or if you're in the "just a hookup, I'd never date her" category.

Good call.

UF_PikePC98 · #7 09-18-2002, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
As blunt as UF_Pike may be at times, he paints a clear picture.

This is true.

** Slap me silly and call me Tom Earp, I'd say that was the nicest way I've handed out a lettdown during my brief time on GreekChat.

**

UF

Shawndalynn · #8 09-18-2002, 03:13 PM

Okay so when he calls which I know he will should I just tell him he needs to make up his mind and let me know when he does or should I just be rude and tell him to f@#! off? I really don't want to be rude but I don't want him to think he can call and I am going to put up with this anymore, it is getting old so if thats what it takes then I will do it.

justamom- I think I did hurt him; well I disrespected his wishes and I think that hurt him but still I don't think I deserve what he is doing to me. I apologized to him and there is nothing else I can do.

Shawnda

"I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

justamom · #9 09-18-2002, 03:36 PM

Shawndalynn, NO one deserves to be treated that way. I was hoping to "explain" it by looking at all possibilities.

I don't know why a confrontation is even necessary. Go about your life, if it's late when he calls, just tell him it's late. If you really don't want to talk anymore, tell him please, I'd rather you didn't call again. Trying to force him into explaining himself or making some decision when he doesn't want to/isn't ready will give you a false reading on what's going on. I know it might feel good to tell the guy off, but what else would you gain? Just don't be available to him unless you agree with the terms. It's pretty easy to hang up the phone-block the IM-take another way to class and avoid anymore interaction. If he becomes a nuisance,
there are a TON of ladies AND GUYS on GC that can help you with that! If you take away, IN A NICE WAY, whatever it is he is getting from you (COMFORT, CONVERSATION, FRIENDSHIP) if he really finds it a loss when it's gone, he will move it fast forward. Didn't he do that when you first met? Good luck with this dilemma!

Shawndalynn · #10 09-18-2002, 03:42 PM

justamom- thanks for the insight, I think it will help. I guess I just want to do the right thing and if he is scared or whatever then I don't want to ruin it but I like the idea about just telling him it's late when he calls ( I would really like to tell him that when he respects me enough to call me before midnight then we can talk) but I will just stick to the it's late one I think.

Thanks for the help everyone, I will keep you posted on how it is going. :-)

Optimist Prime · #11 09-18-2002, 08:49 PM

YEah I think he is, just doesn't want to turn you off by being nice or desperate.

James · #12 09-18-2002, 09:57 PM

UF-pike has the right of it.

The other girls gave you good advice.

So to sum up: He doesn't like you the way you want him to like you. *shrug* It happens

Consider it a giftif it were me, and you were really attractive, I would keep you on the hook for my amusement and be a lot smoother about it.

As far as what to do. Justamom is right. Why "do" anything?

He hasn't done you a bad turn at all. He hasn't been mean. And as you said you were the one that "messed up".

So why victimize him for not doing what you want him to?

You don't need a plan unless you are really hung up on him. And given your short history to be really hung up wouldn't be at all rational.

So . . . if he calls and you are up for a late night booty call, or just want to talk: do it. If not tell him you have to go.

Just do whatever you are in the mood for.

AchtungBaby80 · #13 09-18-2002, 10:18 PM

Just don't be available next time he calls and wants to get together. Either way, you win--he'll either see that he misses you, or it'll open the door for you to concentrate on someone better.

Shawndalynn · #14 09-20-2002, 10:48 AM

Well I went and talked to him last night and just told him that if he wanted to continue talking to me then he was going to have to learn how to use the phone before midnight. I try to tell him I am busy or something when he calls but I am a softy and I always feel bad becuase he acts like I don't know want to see him so I usually end up going. But I realized last night when he called I used to get excited when I would hear his voice and now I am to the point where it isn't even exciting anymore just like oh it's you kinda thing.

james- what I want him to do is make up his freaking mind but obviously that isn't going to happen anytime soon so I am not going to worry about it anymore I will just have my roomate answer the phone and tell him I am sleeping or something that way I won't feel bad when I do talk to him. I don't know.

Shawnda

KappaKittyCat · #15 09-20-2002, 10:52 AM

The best advice I can offer about guys is to look at what he does, and ignore what he says. Put him on mute, so to speak. What do his actions reveal? If he's feeding you the right lines, but his actions don't back it up, he's not being sincere, and/or he doesn't have the best intentions for you.

Twinstars, dear, that's the best advice I've heard in a long time. I'm going to take that wisdom and apply it to certain situations in my life. Smart, smart woman.

Talk is cheap. Caring is doing.

Thanks for brightening my morning.