Not happy with chapter

candycanegirl · #1 01-20-2003, 01:33 PM

I am new to this so I was wondering if someone could give me some advice or help me.

I have been part of my chapter for 2 semesters now and I am growing very unhappy with it. There are so many things going on and it really makes me think about deactivation.

For example, our officer elections last semester for our executive board this semester reminded very much like high school. It was basically a popularity contest and the people who were actually qualified for the jobs did not get them. This is causing a lot of problems because a lot of things are not getting done that need to be.

They are very cliqueish and it seems our chapter is very divided. They are putting so much emphasis on recruiting new members instead of working on our internal problems or working on our sisterhood. Whenever I try to suggest we work on our sisterhood, my ideas instantly get shot down. Apparently that is not one of our priorities right now.

Our chapter used to be bigger, but a lot of members now do not show up to meetings or events, and I think part of it is because of what is going on. I am really tired of the fact that whenever I or someone else tries to suggest something to help our chapter the ideas get instantly shot down. I have just decided not to say anything in the meeting anymore.

This just upsets me and I am tired of it. I am really thinking about deactivation, but I love my organization, I am just not sure if I feel that way about my chapter.

AchtungBaby80 · #2 01-20-2003, 02:00 PM

Oh, girl, I've been there and it's not pretty! I considered quitting at one point (be honest, deactivation is just a fancy word for "quitting"), but I'm so glad I hung in there because things have virtually done a complete 180. My chapter was divided and people were getting PO'd, and there were also quite a few people just causing trouble. What we did was, we all got together one night after meeting and had a discussion where everyone could air any problem she felt like talking about--no matter how small--that had to do with the chapter. I can't say that the talk resolved every single thing, but it helped to get some things out in the open so that we could work on them. It also helped that the dead wood (i.e. the people who were whining and causing problems) quit at the end of the year, and the chapter is so much better off for it. It always makes me sad when a sister leaves the chapter, but if it was making them that miserable to stay then I'd rather they go. Good luck and let us know what happens, OK?

candycanegirl · #3 01-21-2003, 03:59 PM

Hello again. Thank you for your reply AchtungBaby80. I will keep you posted on what is going on. It is just so hard

We are having Risk Management issues and no one else seems to see it. I feel like the Jimminy Cricket of the chapter.

I think things within the chapter are not all bad, but sometimes it feels like an abusive relationship. I will come home from a meeting and just be so frustrated and say I am not going to try anymore and then I will get an email from one of the members and it makes me feel a little better, only to be upset again later on. I really don't know what to do

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #4 01-21-2003, 04:56 PM

I think you'll regret it if you quit. You joined for a lifetime, not two semesters! Besides -- YOU know what the problem is. So isn't it partly your responsiblity to help the chapter?

FuzzieAlum · #5 01-21-2003, 05:04 PM

Part of the problems you're describing make a vicious circle. That is, the people like you who see the problems are the ones who end up quitting. The ones with their heads in the sand stay.

If you're not an officer, and your ideas have been shot down in the past, you can try a little "vigilante" action to improve things. That may sound negative but it's not really - I'm not talking taking out the president sniper-style! I mean making a concerted effort to have lunch, for example, with a sister you don't know that well, or to go with a group of sisters to a party. And it means refraining from speaking ill of your sisters to other sisters and continuing the cycle of gossip. In other words, be the model sister yourself.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #6 01-21-2003, 05:09 PM

Candy, I sounded more negative than I intended. I'm sorry! Please, try to stay upbeat -- you WILL end up as the most important part of the chapter if you stay in. And it's girls like you that we need in the greek system (the ones who know what's going on and who want to make a change.)

Focus on what's important -- you know, really important. Organize sisters-only events, sleepovers, dinners, etc., and like everyone else says -- be the model sister.

good luck!

kateshort · #7 01-21-2003, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FuzzieAlum
I mean making a concerted effort to have lunch, for example, with a sister you don't know that well, or to go with a group of sisters to a party. And it means refraining from speaking ill of your sisters to other sisters and continuing the cycle of gossip. In other words, be the model sister yourself.

FuzzieAlum, you rock. -grin-

candycanegirl, you're getting good advice here. Try to work on sisterhood with your sisters, in your own way, bit by bit. You may be able to make stronger bonds with them, and bring up the positive stuff.

As for the Risk Management stuff, is there an advisor in your chapter that you can trust to talk with about it? Sometimes advisors can be less than helpful, but sometimes they can go in and take care of things with a chapter.

White_Chocolate · #8 01-21-2003, 05:31 PM

If you quit after a year, then, maybe you should have re-thought if sorority life was for you in the first place. Hell, definitely before you paid for your friends. : )

Seriously, sororities around the world seem high schoolish because outside of one or two years of summer internships. . .some of them still think on a high school level. And sweetheart, welcome to the real world(why did John Mayer just pop in my brain) but life is all about popularity contests. . .and sometimes the best candidate for the job won't get it. That's just how life goes.

However, you can use this situation as a stepping stone. Try and become monumental in your chapter by encouraging the officers to listen to the ideas. And it's obvious your chapter is supposed to vote on issues. . .so you can always contest an idea that you don't exactly go for. Executive board meetings are open to all members(or they are in my sorority). If you and others have a serious problem with the way things are done, get your butt to one of those meetings and start QUESTIONING AUTHORITY.

Problems will always arise. The real test is overcoming them. . .or that's what a Phi Sig said to me.

And if you're sick of big politics, don't disaffliate. Do some research and find a school where the chapter is smaller(like 30 members or less). You will always be heard in those groups rather than a chapter 50+.

kiqualey12 · #9 01-21-2003, 06:42 PM

I can't believe that White Chocolate just said that we paid for our friends! I'm hoping that you didn't mean that or that you were just joking because that is so not what being in a sorority is all about! I joined because I wanted to meet new people, yes, and because I love what it stands for. Life is not all about popularity contests! I may not have been out in the "real world" for that long or even college life, but in our chapter people get elected because they are the best person for their position. You joined for better or worse. Don't quit, just know that change takes time.

33girl · #10 01-21-2003, 10:50 PM

White_Chocolate, I hope you were being sarcastic when you suggested she transfer to a school with a smaller chapter

. She might like her current school for reasons like, oh, ACADEMICS or something.

Unless your chapter has perfect harmony and is completely filled with sisters with an extremely strong sense of self, you'll have elections where perhaps the wrong person ends up with the job. One of our sisters was fab at rush, but she just was determined to be pledge mom - she got voted in and it ended up as a giant cluster@$#%.

What I'm getting is that you all are being pressured to get numbers up either from within or without, and it's doing damage to the sorority. If this is coming from your national, tell them that you really want to work out the sisterhood issues before doing a big recruitment push. All the rushing in the world won't cover up a divided chapter.

Suggest having pass the gavel at meetings or a suggestion box. Speak to some other sisters you feel close to and see if they feel the same - sometimes if it comes from a group it gets taken more seriously.

Don't stop speaking up!!! Whatever you do. I know that sometimes you wish you could stop caring, it would make life easier. But it would also make life, well, less. Good luck, and come here anytime you need to vent.

candycanegirl · #11 01-22-2003, 12:16 AM

Thank you so much for all your help! I can see why so many people are on these boards. Your chapters are all so lucky to have great people like you in them.

You have given me a newfound hope for my chapter

vangie6381 · #12 01-23-2003, 10:08 AM

I think almost everyone has problems with their sorority. I can relate to your problem, but the best way to deal with it, is to have a meeting where everyone can sit down and discuss what they're feeling. Each person tells why they're unhappy with the sorority and so on while everyone sits around and listen, then remind them what the reasons were/are why you joined and why everyone else joined...the develop long lasting friendship. And I'm sure your sisters will start to realize that. We have these "meetings" once and a while and they really help because it gets our minds away from the rest of the world and concentrate on each other and why we were all there. Obviously if they're all there with you, it must mean that they do care.

Anyway, good luck! I'm sure everything will work out. You all have one thing in common....which is sisterhood. One voice can make a big difference.. we all sometimes need to be reminded of what being in a sorority is all about..

White_Chocolate · #13 01-23-2003, 10:12 AM

Yes, I was being sarcastic. Why would I, as a Greek, say something like that? I'm vice president of my sorority and I KNOW where all that friggin' money goes. I was just saying it from the outside looking in. . .maybe next time, I'll put quotes around it.

I keep forgetting that people on here don't know me that well.

candycanegirl · #14 01-23-2003, 02:33 PM

I don't know if this will help you all out by giving more info, but I am Secretary of my sorority and I do already attend the exec. meetings. I don't feel like the rest of the exec. board takes me seriously because I have not been here that long.

I'm really trying hard to make this work. Like I mentioned earlier, it seems like we are putting WAY too much emphasis on recruitment. We are in the process of updating our consitiution, and I proposed we have a budget for recruitment for future semesters. We do not have a lot of money as a chapter, and we do use money for other things like service projects and socials, so I thought it would be good to have a budget to go by. Our Recruitment Chair has spent a LOT of money on random things like 9,000 flyers. I think flyers are great for publicity... but realistically I don't think we need 9 THOUSAND. I just thought it would be good to let the chapter have more say on where their money goes. We are not having an exec. meeting this weekend because they want to have a mixer with a fraternity for Superbowl Sunday, so we decided if we have anything we would like to add to the agenda, we could discuss it over the newsgroup. So I sent out the suggestion about a budget and just as soon as I hit the 'send' button, I got an email from one of the other exec. members saying we don't need one because Recruitment is her thing and she can spend whatever she wants on it and the chapter should understand.

This is really discouraging and once again just makes me want to keep my mouth shut.

Part of me wants to just leave and not worry about it and the other part of me wants to just stick it out till these people graduate.

33girl · #15 01-23-2003, 02:50 PM

9000 fliers is fine if you are at a school with 30,000-40,000 people. If you are at a school w/ 12,000 people it is excessive.

You absolutely, positively need a budget for Rush...your nationals should help you out with this if you are NPC. Additionally, your school's Panhel usually sets a limit for rush spending and if you go over it you'll be penalized. Your rush chair should know all this already...if everyone took her attitude, you'd be in more debt than Enron.