Arrogance really insecurity?

kddani · #1 09-18-2002, 04:22 PM

I've had the unfortunate experience of having to spend some time with some "arrogant" people lately.

Do you think people who come across as full of themselves are really, deep down inside, feel that they're inferior?

Or are some just really @ssholes?

Do you think an event could change them and humble them?

Slightly related but not the same thing:

How do you smack some sense into a friend who's totally getting full of themselves? (Background: i have a friend that just moved to LA and is acting, quite successfully so far. He's met a ton of famous people and had several small parts. But this is all he talks about! I talked to him for 20 minutes yesterday and all he did was drop names! I've known him for 7 years, dated him for 1 of those years. There's no need to impress me. And out of that whole conversation, he asked me something about me once, and didn't even respond to what i said)

I'm worried that the Hollywood scene is going to ruin him, and i'll end up being interviewed for an E! true Hollywood story on him in a few years)

The1calledTKE · #2 09-18-2002, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani

Do you think people who come across as full of themselves are really, deep down inside, feel that they're inferior?

Or are some just really @ssholes?

I think it depends on the person so I would say both.

Failure would humble them.

Dionysus · #3 09-18-2002, 04:27 PM

Little comment here:

I HATE ARROGANT ASSHOLES!!!

The only word I can describe prideful people is: STUPID!

Oh yeah, back to the question, in most cases I think arrogance does equal insecurity. What other reason why you have to put down others and boast about how good you are? If you were really confident you wouldn't have to go around broadcasting it everywhere.

sororitygirl2 · #4 09-18-2002, 04:40 PM

I think for some people, yes, arrogance does equal insecurity. But for others, they are convinced that they are, without a doubt, flawless in every way, shape and form. When this is the case, I sometimes have to wonder if these people have a mental illness. Come on, NO ONE IS PERFECT!

As for your friend who is so full of himself, KDDani, I think you should just say something to him. If you have been friends for seven years, I assume you are pretty close and can discuss serious matters. Just gently bring up the fact that something has been bothering you.

APhi · #5 09-18-2002, 04:47 PM

You know it's really hard to say and I think it does depend on the person. I used to always think that it was the case that arrogance always equalled insecurity. Lately, I tend to doubt that. First, I read somewhere that they've researched the 'bully of the playground' phenomenon and found out that those kids really do think they are better than the people they pick on.

There are also people that I've met where you think their behavior HAS to stem from their insecurities but after knowing them for a year or more you have absolutely no evidence of such.

amycat412 · #6 09-18-2002, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani

How do you smack some sense into a friend who's totally getting full of themselves? (Background: i have a friend that just moved to LA and is acting, quite successfully so far. He's met a ton of famous people and had several small parts. But this is all he talks about! I talked to him for 20 minutes yesterday and all he did was drop names! I've known him for 7 years, dated him for 1 of those years. There's no need to impress me. And out of that whole conversation, he asked me something about me once, and didn't even respond to what i said) I'm worried that the Hollywood scene is going to ruin him, and i'll end up being interviewed for an E! true Hollywood story on him in a few years)

Give him time Dani. This happens to a lot of people when they first get some success in Hollywood, especially when it happens fast. Give him a year out here to figure out that its all an illusion and that what he is doing is just a job like any other. If he doesn't get it by then, well... actually, I've never known anyone who didn't figure it out eventually and revert back to their normal self.

librasoul22 · #7 09-18-2002, 08:19 PM

Hmm...I think arrogance only indicates insecurity when it is shoved down your throat. Like when people constantly tell you why they are so great and why YOU shoudl think they are so great. I mean, arrogance is a state of mind, not an outward expression.

I consider myself to be pretty arrogant actually, but I don't go around telling everyone. Most people see for themselves, lol.

But I think that the cockiness and bully-ish tendencies of some people definitely expose their insecurities.

SAE1955 · #8 09-18-2002, 08:21 PM

I live out here in LA and have hung out with quite a few actors, from what ive seen the industry breeds arrogance. They all feel like there in this little clique of cool people and that there jobs are actually make a difference in the world. Ive met a lot of cool people tthough, i can't over generalize. But I really can't stand arrogant a**holes....

valkyrie · #9 09-18-2002, 08:32 PM

Oh, huh. I thought this was going to be another thread about UF Pike.

kddani · #10 09-18-2002, 08:36 PM

well, after the thread that got killed before it got hugely ugly, i can see why you would think that, valkyrie

if you want to apply it to that situation, knock your socks off. I think those posts actually got me thinking about this all

jonsagara · #11 09-18-2002, 09:03 PM

I have to agree with zntke711 on this one.

Also, in my experience, the most insecure people are those who emphatically deny that they're insecure.

James · #12 09-18-2002, 09:43 PM

Let me ask you for a suspension of disbelief. The same one you have to give when reading literature. So keep in an open mind

.

Ok here goes:

Generally the difference between arrogance and self confidence is in the eye of the beholder, not the person showing the behavior.

After all, people have different personality styles. Some people are quietly confident and some people are loudly confident.

Usually its the degree their outard projection makes us uncomfortabe, annoyed or threatened determines whether we think them "confident" or "arrogant".

Whether their feelings of confidence is compensation for their insecurities is irrelevant.

Just as someone who reacts to their insecurities by being shy or whatever is irrelevant.

All that is important is that person's belief and behavior.

(edited to add)

I have been called both arrogant and confident, and been both admired and despised by people watching the exact same performance.

A better question would be: Do we think that people that project certain traits of confidence and strength are arrogant because of our insecurities?

That would be a much more telling question.

SAE1955 · #13 09-18-2002, 10:19 PM

Does anyone really have a reason or right to be arrogant...does the fact that they know more or have more money really give them the right to think they are better, and not have to worry about the thoughts and feelings of others?

I mean I have met plenty of people who are just overly confident and arrogant when I know that they shouldn't be....Arragonce really stirs me up....

"The True Gentleman is the man who thinks of the rights and feelings of others rather than his own"
John Walter Wayland

James · #14 09-18-2002, 10:31 PM

kddani,

Hearing your story I don't believe your friend was being "full of himself" I just believe he was full of his new experience, that it was really important to him, that maybe he was a little amazed and very happy, and was so excited that he was "stuck on fast forward" when he was talking to you.

Much like girls get when they want to share a new experience that means a lot to them and they are very excited about.

It sounds like you may have unintentionally been a "bad friend" making the conversation about "your" needs rather than listening to him . . .

Cut him some slack. Just because he is really excited doesn't mean he loves you less, its just that he has "stars" in his eyes and needs to share. He'll eventually get over it.

You sound like that sonf from the girl that one the MTV music award . . how does it go and what is it called? You make things so complicated?

Let me turn it around also and ask you: Why do girls seem to exist to pop male egos? Why won't you let us enjoy something without taking us down a peg?

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani

Slightly related but not the same thing:

How do you smack some sense into a friend who's totally getting full of themselves? (Background: i have a friend that just moved to LA and is acting, quite successfully so far. He's met a ton of famous people and had several small parts. But this is all he talks about! I talked to him for 20 minutes yesterday and all he did was drop names! I've known him for 7 years, dated him for 1 of those years. There's no need to impress me. And out of that whole conversation, he asked me something about me once, and didn't even respond to what i said) I'm worried that the Hollywood scene is going to ruin him, and i'll end up being interviewed for an E! true Hollywood story on him in a few years)

James · #15 09-18-2002, 10:32 PM

You didn't read or think much about my post did you?

Quote:

Originally posted by SAE1955
Does anyone really have a reason or right to be arrogant...does the fact that they know more or have more money really give them the right to think they are better, and not have to worry about the thoughts and feelings of others?

I mean I have met plenty of people who are just overly confident and arrogant when I know that they shouldn't be....Arragonce really stirs me up....

"The True Gentleman is the man who thinks of the rights and feelings of others rather than his own"
John Walter Wayland