Do looks matter

Reds6 · #1 01-29-2002, 01:21 PM

Do looks really matter? I have often said that I'm not big on looks, because, the finest man can be the biggest jerk. But shouldn't there be a physical attraction. I met a guy who is very nice, head on straight whole nine, but I don't think I'm that attracted to him physically, but mentally I am. He has a bush that just bothers the heck out of me. What to do? What to do?

#1 Leading Lady · #2 01-29-2002, 02:17 PM

IMO, looks don't really really matter because you know some people just GROW on you!!!!

No seriously, IMO my attraction develops by the way a man treats me and my son. We come together like a pair of shoes

My grandmother told us......

Fine.....stays out all night

Fine.....don't come home

Fine.....too cute to do housechores

Fine....may try to beat your butt

Fine....ain't alway fine.

Fine....can look good on the outside and stank like chit in the inside.

So, IMO again I would keep dating him for a while to see. Cause honestly and truthfully when I met my fiancee' I was like.... EWWWWWWW HONEY HUSH

I even had to bring him to my Sand to look at him and tell me do she think he is ugly and she was like kinda sorta but not really He "Special" you know cute in his own little way so I dated him for a little while longer and now watch a me act a fool over him because beauty is skin deep and also beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

JJSP01 · #3 01-29-2002, 04:41 PM

In no way am I vain or shallow when it comes to my men, but there has to be some type of physical attraction to go along with the mental connection we can make. If YOU are not attracted to this man, nothing he can "say" will change that. Do you want to be kissed by him? Are you repulsed at the thought of his lips touching yours? If you are....then there's your answer...the relationship may not work out. If you're not repulsed, then maybe you ARE attracted to him, so go for it....

SweetestDiva · #4 01-29-2002, 05:05 PM

I just think it's important to find a balance. Now, I've had a lot of past boyfriends that wouldn't have made me do a double take initially... but the personality made me look twice and find cuteness I would've looked over at first meeting. But I do agree with JJSP01... there are some dudes that will just NEVER touch me, and that's the way it is. There's a difference between "not initially attracted" and "repulsed"... a BIG one.

D.COM · #5 01-29-2002, 05:20 PM

This is my simple explanation:

When you are LOOKING FOR someone, yes, then looks has something to do with it...

but if you just happened to meet someone are are FRIENDS FIRST and THEN it develops into somehting else, then no, looks doesn't have anything to do with it because you have fallen in love with someone (or they "grew" on you) and looks is not a factor.

Just make sure you don't "settle" for anyone nor "think" that you "have to" be with this person just because they stimulate your "mind".

LOL!

sphinxpoet · #6 01-29-2002, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by D.COM
This is my simple explanation:

When you are LOOKING FOR someone, yes, then looks has something to do with it...

but if you just happened to meet someone are are FRIENDS FIRST and THEN it develops into somehting else, then no, looks doesn't have anything to do with it because you have fallen in love with someone (or they "grew" on you) and looks is not a factor.

Just make sure you don't "settle" for anyone nor "think" that you "have to" be with this person just because they stimulate your "mind".

LOL!

OK! In my experience I noticed that people are way into looks! There is more of a possibility of someone staying with someone that treats them sub-par because they look GOOD! But get someone average or below average looking(remeber each person is diffrent when they find what is and is not sexy) and some people will write the off! "Whats Up with DAT!"

Sphinxpoet

Imperial11 · #7 01-29-2002, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Reds6
I don't think I'm that attracted to him physically.

If it ain't there, it ain't there. You would KNOW if you are physically attracted to him if you actually are. You're not!!! Whatever you do, don't try to "make yourself like him". Trust me, I done tried that and it didn't work!!!!!

But to answer your question, no, I don't think that relationships should be based totally on physical attraction, or mental attraction. You have to have a combination of both. For example, I recently met a guy who everybody (including me) thinks is very handsome. However, he doesn't turn me on. I find the thought of him touching me repulsive. Why? I don't know. I'm simply not attracted to him and it can't be his looks that are turning me off, because there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the way he looks. Now that I think about it, he's kind of bossy and that doesn't help matters any. blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah

(Sometimes I get a little wrapped up in my own problems

)

CrimsonTide4 · #8 01-29-2002, 09:45 PM

Here's my thoughts which pretty much echo what others have posted.

I do have to be initially attracted to him but if we are friends first and the chemistry is there, then there is a chance something more will develop.

My FIRST BOYFRIEND was HIT FA REAL. He would have been a U SHO IS UGLY candidate. Ask Ideal08, if you don't believe me. But at first he was cool. He was also my first kiss and hmmmmmmmm he laid the SMACK DOWN

One of my last "interests" in college had a lazy eye that I did not notice until after I started liking him but he was a real sweetie and we had the best conversations. 3 hours long distance

but had I stopped at the lazy eye, I might have missed out on a good friendship. But he owes me $$$ and we don't TALK anymore -- LESSON: Do NOT mess with me or my $$$.

Looks do matter on the whole. We are a visual people. Too many opinion polls have been given and time and time again, the initial thing that attracts us to another person is their physical appearance. We want to be with someone who is aesthetically pleasing but maybe the man or woman that God has for you is not exactly a Shemar Moore or Morris Chestnut maybe God has a Shabba Ranks or a Craig Mack waiting for you.

**trembling in fear** but if that man or woman will love you the way GOD loves you, you are in for one heck of a relationship.

Remember this, God loves us and while we may be pretty on the outside, our INSIDES might be UGLY and CORRODED.

korkscru · #9 01-29-2002, 10:31 PM

I believe that, whether we want to ADMIT it or not, looks DO play a big part in our attraction to others---not that it WORKS all of the time---but it does play a part. As a result, oftentimes, it messes up our judgement of others.

When I was "on the dating scene" (young and definitely naive), I had this thing for "light-skinned" men. I don't know why, I just did. I THOUGHT that I found the perfect light-skinned brother. I was going to marry this dude and we were going to live "happily ever after"----NOT!!!

This dude ended up being one of my WORST relationships. Now after going through all kinds of stuff with this dude for about 4 years (I mean classic SOAP OPERA stuff), I happened to meet my husband (a VERY attractive, yet relatively DARK-SKINNED brother who I DIDN'T even FATHOM would be my husband). This was the man who treated me like somebody. This was the man that showed me respect and treated me like a lady. This was the man that I "clicked" with. This was the man who SHOWED me what the REAL meaning of love was. On top of that, this was a YOUNGER man. THIS WAS THE MAN, YALL!!!

And now, here we are, 10 YEARS later and this man is STILL here. Just think, I could have missed out on this BEAUTIFUL relationship based on the color of his skin---based on his LOOKS. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

Eclipse · #10 01-30-2002, 12:47 AM

Sure there has to be some level of attraction, however, I believe we are attracted to more that just the physical, as Red6 has pointed out. Good conversation, common values, etc. will last a lot longer than a 6 pack! Plus, if the only thing that's wrong with him is his "bush" work with him honey and take that boy to the barber shop!! You know how we do it!

LOL

Seriously, while I was VERY attracted to my husband when we met, in the 15 years that we have know each other he (as I!) has changed quite abit--by probably 50 pounds!!

When I look at him I still am attracted and feel the love. If the basis for our relationship was his looks (or mine for that matter--sista needs to hit the gym too!), we would be in major trouble right now!!

Three_Love · #11 01-30-2002, 01:03 AM

Ooweeeee, CrimsonTide, you had me giggling...I sure hope there ain't no Shabba or Craig Mack waiting for me, LOL.

My first boyfriend was BEAUTIFUL. I mean, drop dead GORGEOUS! But he was, AND STILL IS, a damn fool. Physically beautiful on the outside, but inside, he's just ROTTEN...not all the way to the core, cuz he can be a sweetheart sometimes, but he's a ROTTEN mate. I'm a few days older than him, and he'd open doors for me and say, "Age before beauty". Super conceited...super DUPER conceited. He taught me many great lessons about men, but one of the best ones was: PRETTY IS AS PRETTY DOES. And this man is NOT pretty, believe me. We're cool now - he's one of my best friends in fact. It's easy to be his friend WHEN HE AIN'T YO MAN.

I think looks matter to a point - there are some things that, physically, I just won't deal with. Attraction isn't always just physical - sometimes it's a voice, a look...one person's version of attractive may be totally different from anothers, or to follow CrimsonTide's example, "One person's Morris Chestnut may be another person's Shabba Ranks", LOL.

Physically, I will not date a man with more hair than me (unless it's Eric Benet, and he's married, LOL). Cornrows are OUT. I ain't too big on earrings either, but that's not a deal breaker. The lazy eye...absolutely no way. I also don't date men with messed up teeth for the same reason - modern medicine can fix both of those problems. I also only like men with at least a mustache, preferably just a mustache and no beard. I hate to see a baldheaded upper lip.

But then again, there are things that I like that other folks don't, for example...I LOVES me a SHORT MAN!!! Give me a brotha who is about 5'8" and I'm in heaven! A stocky man too, with a thick neck - don't like a brotha who is too skinny. And I have a weird fetish for facial scars. A short, stocky, thick neck man with a conservative haircut, a few facial scars, a nice full mustache, and good teeth...yeah, that's it, LOL.

CrimsonTide4 · #12 01-30-2002, 08:56 AM

IMO, or what CT4 looks for in a man is:

1. Brown skinned man or dark skin man. I used to have a thing for pretty yellow men but now I want a Blacker the Berry Sweeter the Juice brother.

2. TEETH -- Straight please. I want teeth that do not look like they are fighting for space or there is enough space for your teeth and mine.

3. Height -- 5'8 and above please. I like to stand on my tip toes when I kiss you.

4. A muscular build -- not necessarily muscles bulging but evidence that you and the gym have met a time or two.

5. I do want you to be aesthetically pleasing to me but like Three Love has said some men who are FINE as WINE are the worst. I want a man who is well kept meaning even if he is not THE FINEST thing in the world he works with what he has and is always presentable.

6. Ultimately I want the man to have a love of God and that will shine through because once it does, his looks will be enhanced by his love for God and for you.

sphinxpoet · #13 01-30-2002, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
IMO, or what CT4 looks for in a man is:

1. Brown skinned man or dark skin man. I used to have a thing for pretty yellow men but now I want a Blacker the Berry Sweeter the Juice brother.

2. TEETH -- Straight please. I want teeth that do not look like they are fighting for space or there is enough space for your teeth and mine.

3. Height -- 5'8 and above please. I like to stand on my tip toes when I kiss you.

4. A muscular build -- not necessarily muscles bulging but evidence that you and the gym have met a time or two.

5. I do want you to be aesthetically pleasing to me but like Three Love has said some men who are FINE as WINE are the worst. I want a man who is well kept meaning even if he is not THE FINEST thing in the world he works with what he has and is always presentable.

6. Ultimately I want the man to have a love of God and that will shine through because once it does, his looks will be enhanced by his love for God and for you.

Why do these requests seem so simple yet so difficult for women to find?

"WHAT's Up with DAT?????"

korkscru · #14 01-30-2002, 12:06 PM

Sphinxpoet, those things are not necessarily hard to find. I think that it's just that SOME women (and men for that matter) are unwilling to COMPROMISE. I mean, like many have posted, there are things that one is just NOT going to compromise, but we HAVETO be willing to work with deficits. Heck, AAALLLL of us have them so why would we expect too much from others?

I have a friend who is 31 (almost 32), single, educated, pretty, intelligent, you know all that wonderful stuff and she wants to be married and she wants to have children---or so she SAYS. The problem with that is she is sooooo freaking picky, not just about men, but about EVERYTHING. A man can have all of these beautiful qualities---height, muscles, intelligent conversation, God-fearing, etc., etc.----but she will find SOMETHING that's "wrong" with him. I'm always like, what now? Sometimes we miss out on our opportunity for happiness, and I mean TRUE HAPPINESS, with someone because we get soooo caught up in our own expectations. It's really, really sad. I was much like that when I was younger. But I'm glad that I got out of that. She's getting older and more set in her ways. And if we (and I mean women in particular) get to that point, believe me, Girlfriend, there are going to be a whole lot of OLD-MAIDS hanging around. I truly believe that even if one has good looks, a successful career, their own home, money in the bank, the latest fashions, a bomb hair-do, etc., etc., what does it REALLY mean if you can't SHARE that with someone significant (because I KNOW that for MOST people the "dating scene" gets boring after a while). NOTHING'S better than being the object of one specific person's affection. NOTHING'S better than being the apple of one specific person's eye. I just know that MY friend has a lot of soul-searching to do when it comes to finding a mate.

Besides, no matter how "PRETTY" a dude (or lady) may LOOK, I can guarantee that he has SOMETHING wrong with him---bad breath, crooked toe, tongue too long, pimples, snoring, stupid laugh, "buck" teeth, gap,----SOMETHING!!!!!

We (and I mean the population as a whole because I'm already married) need to "get a clue" and get REAL about what it REALLY means to find a good mate. I'm BLESSED that I found out BEFORE I turned 25.

delph998 · #15 01-30-2002, 12:21 PM

Y'all had me laughing!!!! LAZY EYE, that's so off the chain!

In my opinion, looks don't really matter, but there has to be some type of attraction. I'm into darker men as well, but right now, I'm totally into this brotha that's my complexion (brown skinned). He's got me feeling him for real! So ultimately I think it's what attracts you to him. When I first met him I didn't even think twice about his looks. But as I got to know him as a person, I realized that he was a good person with similar commonalities as me.

This is the question that I want to ask: Looks might not matter, but does WEIGHT play a big role into what we want out of our significant others?