D was told she would be offered a bid at Preference Night and then did not receive th

[JLCo]

Please pardon my sorority vocab; I am sure I will misuse words since I worked my way through college and was not able to afford becoming a member of a sorority. (As in my parents did not pay a dime of my tuition; I paid for all of it.)
I did not really feel deprived though because I grew up in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio, attended The Ohio State University and did not feel the need to have a substitute family and had work friends who were also in college.

However, my d chose to go out of state for college and expressed an interest in joining a sorority. So we both did a lot of research to see what was involved in Rush at her university. She decided not to rush her freshman year because her full-ride scholarship included a paid research job and she joined a club dance team that competes at the collegiate level at the NDA in Florida every year. Before receiving the scholarship offer, we had discussed that she should probably do two of these three activities and no more to ensure she maintains a high GPA: Sorority, Dance Team, Research position. We had planned on her getting the research position her sophomore or junior year and doing Sorority & Dance Team her freshman year. However, we thought it unwise to turn down the offer of a paid research position her freshman year. So she did that instead of rushing. Doing Dance Team was a given since she had danced 25-35 hours/ week for the past 6 years and started dance at the age of three.

So, my d rushed as a sophomore at a Big Ten University. At her university, PNMs can go to two Preference Parties. She received invites from a top level and middle level sorority. At the preference party for the top level sorority she was told that she looked adorable and that she would be receiving a bid from them. She was then asked if she would put them down as her number one choice. They talked her into answering "yes" (I think she used words something to the effect that they would not be disappointed by her choice).

Although she liked the middle level sorority, being in the top tier as well as the girls assurances that she would be offered a bid swayed her emotionally. So she called me excitedly to tell me that they had told her they would offer her a bid and that she had told them that she would be putting them down as her number one choice. She went out and celebrated with her boyfriend who is in a top tier fraternity. We thought it was a done deal. BTW- the boyfriend was more excited about her being in a top tier sorority than either I was or my daughter was. Then she goes to Bid Day and finds she has a bid from the middle tier sorority, whom she would have been happy to receive a bid from if the other sorority had not told her they would be offering her a bid. To top it off, the boyfriend told all his friends that she was going to get a bid from a top sorority and how hopefully they could do socials with that sorority. When I talked to my daughter tonight she was wondering if she would be breaking up with her boyfriend since she did not get into the top tier.

I feel like all of these negative emotions could have been avoided if the top tier sorority would not have told her she was going to get a bid from them. She is going to accept the bid from the middle tier but much of the fun has been taken out of the process.