Losing Friends

MollyUF · #1 08-02-2001, 10:07 AM

I've been thinking a ton about recruitment lately, and something has been bothering me. Last year, as a non-greek, I made several very good non-greek friends. However, many of them, two in particular, are not only non-greek, they are ANTI-greek.

One was planning on rushing with me, even after a very unfortunate incident with a fraternity boy. I guess during the summer she changed her mind, because now she speaks very venomously of the system. She bashes it even in front of me, and she knows how excited I am about going greek.

My other friend has been super anti-greek from the very beginning and has left little room for discussion. She talks all the time about how she thinks we aren't going to be nearly as good of friends next year b/c I'll be hanging out with my sorority all the time.

There are countless conversations and factors that compound and complicate the situation, but this is the bare bones version of it. I know I'm going to spend tons of time and effort next year with my sorority sisters, because I LOVE being active and involved. I feel terrible at the possibility of alienating my independent friends though.

Anyone got two cents?

PenguinTrax · #2 08-02-2001, 10:25 AM

Molly,

If you don't want to alienate your non-Greek friends, then you won't. However, they may alienate themselvs from you - be prepared for that. However, this is a great opportunity to 'prove' to them that Greek life is positive and non all-encompassing.

Refer to this similar post - you should find the answers you seek:
http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/...ML/000439.html

Barbara
Rush Forum Moderator

SSS1365 · #3 08-02-2001, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MollyUF:
I've been thinking a ton about recruitment lately, and something has been bothering me. Last year, as a non-greek, I made several very good non-greek friends. However, many of them, two in particular, are not only non-greek, they are ANTI-greek.

One was planning on rushing with me, even after a very unfortunate incident with a fraternity boy. I guess during the summer she changed her mind, because now she speaks very venomously of the system. She bashes it even in front of me, and she knows how excited I am about going greek.

My other friend has been super anti-greek from the very beginning and has left little room for discussion. She talks all the time about how she thinks we aren't going to be nearly as good of friends next year b/c I'll be hanging out with my sorority all the time.

There are countless conversations and factors that compound and complicate the situation, but this is the bare bones version of it. I know I'm going to spend tons of time and effort next year with my sorority sisters, because I LOVE being active and involved. I feel terrible at the possibility of alienating my independent friends though.

Anyone got two cents?

I really don't know what to say, because all the friends I have that are non-greek aren't totally anti-greek. It is true that being in a sorority takes up a lot of your time, but not so much that you don't have time for anyone else! The only thing I can suggest is seriously talking with your friends and letting them know that you don't plan to abandon them once you go greek. If they can't understand that this is something you really want to do and be supportive about it, then maybe they're not the best friends anyway.

CutiePie2000 · #4 08-02-2001, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MollyUF:
I guess during the summer she changed her mind, because now she speaks very venomously of the system. She bashes it even in front of me, and she knows how excited I am about going greek.

MollyUF, as someone "old and wise" (I'm 31, LOL!), I will tell you this.
*ANYTHING* that gets you meeting people, networking and making new friends, contacts, acquaintances will serve you well in the long run. Trust me on this one!
This will help with jobs, school and life situations in general.

For your friend who had a change of heart, ask her if she will at least, consider going through the first round of recruitment, just to see with her own eyes whether it is for her or not, rather than rejecting something without checking it out first. (I suspect that if you can get her out to Rush, she might have a better time than she thought! hee hee) Give it a try and see what happens. Also, tell her that you would like to check out recruitment and that it hurts your feelings when she disses something that is of interest to you. She might soften her heart a bit then....good luck.

[This message has been edited by CutiePie2000 (edited August 02, 2001).]

LeslieEMU · #5 08-02-2001, 10:50 AM

When I started college, I was very anti-Greek! Then second semester, many of of my equally anti-greek friends started joining sororities and fraternities. I didn't understand what was going on and I got on their case a lot about it. Then my best guy friend dragged me out to Greek Week and my opinions started to change slightly. It was because of these friends that I eventually joined the Greek Community and it was one of the best decisions of my life.

Even though your friends might not be encouraging you now, give them some time. Slowly introduce them to the Greek life and their opinions may change and, even if their opinions don't change, I doubt that they'll bash your choices...they'll probably accept it because they see how happy it makes you.

carnation · #6 08-02-2001, 11:04 AM

I spent 2 college years as an independent and 2 as a Greek. I observed that anything bad that could be said of Greeks could be said of independents and y'know, at this age I have very little patience for people who generalize. I have better things to do than hang with people who announce, "All cheerleaders are sluts," or "All band members are geeks," or "All Texans are rednecks."

Based on my experience, I'd say to go ahead and rush because you don't want anyone to deny you the fabulous experiences of Greek life. Then let your friends see what a great time you're having and how you're growing in leadership! If they continue to generalize, then they'll probably generalize about other things and do you want to be around people like that?

I truly feel like if you let other people dictate what you do by indirect or direct manipulation--especially in something like collegiate membership in a sorority, which you can only experience in a short 4 years--you will resent them terribly in years to come. It's your life, Molly!

caddd365 · #7 08-02-2001, 06:48 PM

Hey!
I went through the same thing.. my very good friends from high school didn't really like the whole greek system, and like your friends, some of them actually bashed it while I pledged.. but we have still remained good friends, they understand how important the sorority is too and I have not comprimised my friendship, some to this day still have the same point of view, but some have become more openminded since I joined...
BTW don't try to fight what they believe, if your friends are going to be ignorant about the whole fraternity system, just don't bring it up or change the convo.. very simple. It might be hard, because your are going to love being in your sorority, but it'll be a little compromise.

CRMSNTiDEGRL717 · #8 08-02-2001, 07:35 PM

I feel your pain MollyUF

I am in the same boat as you. Best of luck w/ rush!!!

Liz

------------------
University of Alabama--- ROLL TIDE!!!!!

MollyUF · #9 08-03-2001, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation:

I truly feel like if you let other people dictate what you do by indirect or direct manipulation--especially in something like collegiate membership in a sorority, which you can only experience in a short 4 years--you will resent them terribly in years to come.

Regardless of their thoughts on the situation, I'm still definitely going to rush... I just feel bad, because I know they are just fearful of losing me, and expressing it in rather intolerant ways. I suppose only time will tell...

Molly

PhiSigMeg · #10 08-03-2001, 12:55 AM

When I decided that I wanted to go Greek, one of my best friends at school was not cool with it at all. However once she saw how happy I was and met some of my sisters, she became more comfortable with it. Plus I make sure to spend time with her, so she knows that I'm not trying to "abandon" her.
People like to talk about things of which they know nothing about. A good friend of mine at home is going to be a freshman this year and she is considering rushing. Her boyfriend flat out told her no. He said all sorority girls do is "get drunk and invite naked men back to their rooms".

I told them that that is NOT what everyone does (and not to buy into rumors), and she is still going to rush! If you make an effort to let them know that you still want to be friends then you have done your part. If they are REALLY your friends, they will come around.
Megan