I Can't Wait To Move Out

DigitalAngel126 · #1 09-02-2002, 08:05 PM

arg!!! my dad is driving me absolutely nuts!!! i know he's not making me angry on purpose (or maybe he is?), but i am angered...he's selling my car because i dont have a job, yet wont let me use my car so i can look for one... he wont pay for me to go back to school (i took this semester off and he says i have to "Prove to him" that i want to go back by going to a local crappy school for a year to get credits that wont even transfer)... what else..ah yes, my bedroom is in the basement.. he never even goes doewn there.. and he left me a not the other day on my door stating the new rules and regulations of the house...i.e., my room WILL be cleaned on a weekly basis...my bathroom WILLL be scrubbed on a weekly basis...my laundry (yes, MY laundry) WILL be done on a semi daily basis..SCREW HIM!!!! not to mention the fact that when he listens to his fleetwood mac and his santana and jimmy buffet, he plays it till my head is ringing...but when i play anything about an indoor voice volume, i have to turn it down.. not that he can hear it over the TV HE'S ALWAYS BLARING.. arg!! and i said something a few weeks ago to the effect of 'when im gone in like six months..' and hes like 'oh, it WILL be sooner than that'.. and i do have a couple places id like to move to, that i could get a job at..that are only like 5 hours away AT THE VERY MOST and he wont let me drive down there to look for a job... screw him AGAIN!!! actually.. he just came in here to tell me that when i scrubbed the bathroom today, i 'got a good start on it, but need to finish it' because the mirror isnt up to his standards and neither is the side of the shower. screw him..sorry had to vent

EDITED TO ADD: my bad, he also turned my cell phone off.. why?? because i owed him money.. no big deal...but he wouldnt tell me how much i owe him, so i couldnt give him any cuz i didnt know how much to give him. PUNK A$$!!

and he just came in here to tell me to feed the dog, WHICH I HAD THOUGHT HE ALREADY DID... and he was lke 'didnt you feed her two hours ago when shes SUPPOSED to eat??' (like the dog knows it was 5pm two hours ago

)..and i was like 'no, i thought you or cathy did' and hes like 'well we didnt, so would you please do it...AND DO IT NOW??' i wouldnt have a problem with this scenerio if he'd just ask me to do it.. not ask me to do it and add the AND DO IT NOW...so i was like 'maybe'.. so what does he do? goes right outside the door where the dog is and says 'im sorry courtnee, you dont get fed toingith...well MAYBE youll get food...if youre lucky, if ur sissy wants to feed you' and kept going till i told him to shut it... how frustrating!

librasoul22 · #2 09-02-2002, 08:35 PM

Okay.

Well in my opinion, you are really coming off as spoiled on your post. You live in your father's house, meaning you have to live by his rules. The cleaning part really doesn't seem that horrendous. Nor does feeding the dog on time.

Most parents are anal about music. Not too much to stress about there, just get some headphones.

As far as your car, yeah that does suck, but have you ever thought of taking the bus?

My thoughts are...if you are not getting good grades and do not have a job then he has a right to want you to prove yourself. That is parental concern. How old are you anyway?

Peaches-n-Cream · #3 09-02-2002, 09:00 PM

There is no such thing as a free ride, unfortunately. There is always a price to be paid, and the price for you is to abide by your father's rules. I suggest that you make life as easy for yourself as possible by obeying his rules. Do what he requires without him asking or telling you. Extend yourself to accomodate him. That way you can avoid any confrontation with him and earn his respect by demonstrating that you are a mature adult worthy of his trust. I hope my advice helps.

librasoul22 · #4 09-02-2002, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cream
There is no such thing as a free ride, unfortunately. There is always a price to be paid, and the price for you is to abide by your father's rules. I suggest that you make life as easy for yourself as possible by obeying his rules. Do what he requires without him asking or telling you. Extend yourself to accomodate him. That way you can avoid any confrontation with him and earn his respect by demonstrating that you are a mature adult worthy of his trust. I hope my advice helps.

This is GREAT advice!!

APhi · #5 09-02-2002, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by librasoul22

My thoughts are...if you are not getting good grades and do not have a job then he has a right to want you to prove yourself.

You read my mind. I know because I had similar fights with my parents at your age. They, my Dad in particular, was applying some tough love until I got my act together. It's taken several years and a great deal more maturity to realize that he did know what was good for me and was doing what any parent would do when faced with an underachieving, mis-directed child.
Maybe your situation is different, I don't know. But that is how it sounds.
I still think that regardless of the specifics, he's asking you to demostrate something here and the only way through this is to step up to the challenge. Good luck to you.

DeltAlum · #6 09-02-2002, 09:56 PM

I think both of our daughters would have said that they couldn't wait to move out -- although not with the acrimony you describe. I think it's a right of passage.

On the other hand, when they understood that car payments, insurance, rent, food and other necessities have to be paid on time, and that money doesn't stretch as far as they thought, then they couldn't wait to move back in.

Both are now married and doing fairly well, but they both better understand the responsibilities you must face in life. That comes with maturity.

DigitalAngel126 · #7 09-02-2002, 10:20 PM

I know that some of you were insinuating immaturity, lack of responsibility, and a misunderstanding of parental reasoning. Might I start by saying that I still have yet to grow up and understand that...BUT my father is 55 years old, So riddle me this: How is it right to do soemthing like turn my cell phone off without even so much as ASKING me for money? It's not that I don't have the money, because at that point I did. He simply didn't tell me. And when I did finally ask him (I didn't even know to ask him until I found my number disconnected), he wouldn't tell me what I owe him. In my book, that is a tad ... Immature, for lack of a better word.

Let me elaborate on the job situation a bit. When I said I didn't have a job, I didn't mean I've been poking around my dad's house being a bum. I mean that I'm not qualified for 90% of the jobs he wants me to get, and have been made aware that a part-time job "isn't going to cut it because it's not good enough". So how is a 19 year old with no major experience to speak of and only a high school diploma going to get a job at the number one orthopedic company in the world??

I'm not saying I EXPECT him to pay for my schooling. My point was simply that he doesn't think before he dictates. I came home from the college I was at because I didn't want to be there to begin with. Who wanted me to go there?? Him. So I did it to make him happy, because his happiness is what I had lived for for the previous 17 years of my life. A lot of him wanting me to go to the local school is to get credits that I can then transfer to a university of my choice after "proving myself". In his mind he doesn't understand that THEY DON'T TRANSFER. He has a girlfriend that went to the same school that he's suggesting for TWO YEARS...how many of her gen. ed. credits transferred?? She said MAYBE 6. Maybe I'm an idiot, but I don't see the point in paying for two years of schooling that will essentially go down the drain.

As for my room... The house is always spotless, thanks to my dad's girlfriend. Of course she doesn't clean my room. My dad doesn't clean jack $h*t himself, so I don't see why it bothers him so much when my 15 x 15 foot area of living space has a few clothes on the floor. As for 'my' bathroom - - I don't even use it, nor does anyone else.. The only reason it's 'mine' is because it's downstairs next to my room. Screw cleaning a bathroom once a week that NO ONE EVER USES. I could see dusting or something, but he wants it full out scrubbed, rubbed, cleaned, sanatized, and shining.

So I'm sorry to all the elders out there that found my post to be spoiled or what not, I wrote it in anger. While I stand by my reasons, I'd also like to say that I'd appreciate my maturity level to be reconsidered. Considering some of the things I've been through, you'd be surprised that I have an ounce of 19-year-old-ness in my body.

On a lighter note, I watched two movies in the last two nights (both with my dad, ironicly enough). Movie number one: A Beautiful Mind... If you haven't seen this, RUN to your nearest video place AND BUY IT. Words cannot describe it, so I'm not even going to try. Movie number two: Best In Show... Whoever had the wonderful idea of making a movie about a dog show was out of their noggin. It was meant to be one of those stupid-funny movies, but it really wasn't that funny. Anyhow, point being - - GO SEE A BEAUTIFUL MIND, ASAP!!

Welp, I have to go ... um...clean something, I'm sure. Hehe.

Greek Love,
1260

librasoul22 · #8 09-02-2002, 11:14 PM

The bottom line is if you find his rules unreasonable then move out. Being that you are legally an adult, you have every right to pack up and leave. Go to the university of your choice and look at EVERY SINGLE scholarship and grant that is available to you. Live on campus. Get a part time job. AS A LAST RESORT you can get loans to pay for this. Trust me, it can be done.

BUT...if you choose to stay at home you have to follow his rules. Period.

DigitalAngel126 · #9 09-02-2002, 11:17 PM

Librasoul, I understand... I really do. I guess the main point I'm trying to make is that he doesnt understand what he's trying to do ot me... He wants/expects more out of me than he's ever going to get... Not in a 'I have the potential but not the motivation" kind of way, but more of a a"with your stipulations, there is no way this will be to your liking" kind of way. I don't have problems with most of his rules, it is his house, I only have problems with his "rulings" when he thinks he's God.

1260

12dn94dst · #10 09-02-2002, 11:25 PM

even after you've come back and made excuses, i mean explained yourself

, the fact of the matter still is that you're living in your Dad's house and while you're there you need to abide by his rules. You made the decision to leave school & go back home. Seems to me if things were all that bad, you would already have a job, regardless if your Dad approved of it, and you'd be on your own paying your OWN rent in your OWN space.

Be lucky that he's just asking you to do a few minor chores instead of charging you part of the mortgage & utilities.

DigitalAngel126 · #11 09-02-2002, 11:31 PM

You're right 12dn, it's all a bunch of excuses. I guess it was my bad for wanting to vent to people that I thought might do something other than make me feel worse. And to all of you who say 'why don't you move out?', how do you know I'm not?? How do you know I'm not going to Indianapolis on Weds?? And Muncie on Friday?? And cincinatti on Sunday?? And Covington on Tuesday? All to look for ANY kind of job so that I can leave. Ya know, I'd actually rather he charged me rent or utilities.. then maybe he'd figure out how to treat me like the adult you are all telling me I am instead of the three year old he wants to keep locked up in her crib...

1260

Peaches-n-Cream · #12 09-02-2002, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by librasoul22

This is GREAT advice!!

Thanks, librasoul.

DigitalAngel126, I've seen this type of situation up close so really try to take my advice. I think that you and your father and maybe even his girlfriend should sit down and discuss how you can all live together peacefully without infringing on each other's space too much. It is so difficult returning home after experiencing all of the freedom of college. You are not a child, but it seems that you think that he still sees and treats you as one. That would drive any young adult crazy. Sit down, discuss the living arrangements, and clarify what your expectations are as well as his/theirs. You might be surprised how similar they are. Try to leave the anger out of the conversation. I hope that you can find a common ground and live together happily. Wishing you the best.

33girl · #13 09-02-2002, 11:45 PM

DigitalAngel,

If the problems are that bad, you can be legally emancipated. This means your dad no longer can write you off on his taxes, but you can receive student loans and such that make it easier for you to live on your own (this is really oversimplifying it but the details are beyond me at quarter till midnight).

You might try having your advisor at your old school call him and tell him that if he insists on sending you there, he's basically throwing money down the hole because you and the school are not a good fit for each other. That advisor will probably also be able to advise him that comm coll credits do not always transfer.

Shark_in_Skirt · #14 09-03-2002, 12:18 AM

While I definitely do _not_ disagree with what the other posters have mentioned about living by your father's rules while in his house, I do sympathize if your relationship with him is strained for reasons that you perhaps are not mentioned... Maybe I'm looking too deep into this, but perhaps there are underlying issues that are only been represented as money conflicts, etc.

Best of luck to you, Angel, regardless.

XOXO,
Annie.

DigitalAngel126 · #15 09-03-2002, 12:50 AM

Cream - - Major, MAJOR props to you for trying to help out instead of telling my more of my own problems and bad qualities. Your advice doesn't fall on deaf ears, I try to do all of that all the time.. It has about a 50% success rate. As for his girlfriend, she has nothing to do with living peacefully in our house - - In fact, most of the time she see's things my way and tries to help my pull my dad down off of his pedestal.

Thanks Annie!!

1260