Say something nice or nothing at all!

Sue_XO · #1 07-10-2001, 02:12 PM

It has been too many years since I did the recruitment scene but we had a rule that during discussion- you could not say anything mean about a rushee. Is that still true today? Half of me loved the rule because no one wants a room filled with girls bashing you but then I think that if a girl was immoral (i.e. got caught showering with 5 fraternity guys at their house) - you could not stand up and say hey- the chick is a tart! Just wondering if that rule is still around and if your organization uses it.

veruca76 · #2 07-10-2001, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sue_XO:
(i.e. got caught showering with 5 fraternity guys at their house)

Did someone actually do that!

Anyway, our rule was that you couldn't bash someone in front of the whole group BUT if you had a story like that where a rushee HAD to be dropped we were encouraged to speak to the Rush Advisor privately and she'd take care of it.

carnation · #3 07-10-2001, 03:35 PM

We would just say meaningfully, "I don't believe she'd be happy here," and if someone pressed the issue, we were supposed to take it up with the alum advisory board. That never had to be done while I was there--everybody knew what you meant without any gory details being trumpeted.

Sue_XO · #4 07-10-2001, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by veruca76:
Did someone actually do that! Anyway, our rule was that you couldn't bash someone in front of the whole group BUT if you had a story like that where a rushee HAD to be dropped we were encouraged to speak to the Rush Advisor privately and she'd take care of it.

Yep- not only did I know the girl who did it but my ex-boyfriend married her!!!!! For all my greek sisters out there...don't worry- no sorority took her!

amycat412 · #5 07-10-2001, 03:48 PM

We had that rule. And a list of "approved" adjectives we could use. Could not use Stupid, Fat, Ugly, Slutty, etc. We used to crack ourselves up coming up with alternative "approved" ways of saying this.

AngelPhiSig · #6 07-10-2001, 03:54 PM

We are not allowed to use anything that is hearsay, we couldnt say that a girl was caught showering with five fraternity guys, unless we saw them. Any accusations have to be valid, and they cant be dumb like "I know that she was sleeping in class yesterday" or "She told me she wanted to be an XYZ" or "She was walking with some FGH's, I think she wants to be with them" They have to be like "I saw her smoking up the other day, I know we dont want someone like that in our organization."

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ilovemyglo · #7 07-10-2001, 03:58 PM

Our rule is no hearsay also. We can talk to the recruitment person or membership person if we have concerns and aren't sure they can be voiced. I like the approved way of saying things though... my favorite is "Morally Casual".

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"...and love her for her womanhood."

CutiePie2000 · #8 07-10-2001, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ilovemyglo:
my favorite is "Morally Casual".

I was JUST THINKING the same thing!
That is from b]Animal House[/b]! I love that line!

CutiePie2000 · #9 07-10-2001, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ilovemyglo:
my favorite is "Morally Casual".

I was JUST THINKING the same thing!
That is from Animal House! I love that line!

Corbin Dallas · #10 07-10-2001, 04:43 PM

We don't have any rules on saying anything mean, but if you have something bad to say about a guy, like you don't like him, you have to have a good reason, not just "he's a dork" On the other end though, you can't say "he's cool" you have to explain why he's "cool"

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Steve Corbin
Lambda Chi Alpha
Theta Kappa Chapter
Rose-Hulman Inst. of Tech.

twinstars · #11 07-10-2001, 07:53 PM

we're not allowed to say anything specifically negative when we're talking about a rushee before the whole house. someone might instead say, "she's not an XYZ (us)..." we all know exactly what that means and don't discuss it further. or, "she had some problems with ABC fraternity" (but not elaborate).

we will just come out and say it if someone's met her and thought she was snobby, rude, or something like that.

what we don't do is tell gossipy third-hand stories or bash girls for ten minutes at a time.

if someone has a real problem with a girl, she could take it to our rush advisor, or else just clue in a few people (not during the group meetings).

i think my house is pretty good about not being catty during membership selection. i know of other groups that definitely DO talk about a girl's looks and weight, as a group.

shadokat · #12 07-10-2001, 10:35 PM

I know that when we sit down after our parties to cut girls, nobody can "con" a girl until someone "pros" her. This is usually not difficult, and it also allows someone who liked her to say something nice before the cons come rolling out.

Kapsig1 · #13 07-11-2001, 02:47 PM

<<What is the difference if everyone knows "morally challenged" means slut?>>

I applaud your "call it as I see it" mentality. But then, I'm not one to mince words with bunch of PC garbage. I DO think however, that it's better to follow the "praise in public, criticize in private" thing IF POSSIBLE. I know that in our membership roundtables, we were pretty open to discussing confirmed, first hand accounts of someone being a fool. Anything second hand is rumor and unreliable.

<<Personally, the sex life, drug life, spiritual life of another is not my business unless it is harmful to others>>

This can be a harmful mentality to any chapter. The "I don't care what you do on your time (even with the until it is harful to others)" thing is contradictory to the values we all profess - primarily REALLY caring about our fellow members. If someone is risking their welfare through rampant casual sex and/or drug use/abuse then each of us has a responsibility to help them. And is they are a rushee, the same should hold true - but in case you need another point, don't think for a minute that pledging a few drugies or "morally casual" folks won't impact the chapter's rep. Right, wrong or indifferent - perception is reality, and if it's perceived that you pledge the drugies or the loose, the chapter is guilty by association.
Brad

Kapsig1 · #14 07-11-2001, 02:47 PM

<<What is the difference if everyone knows "morally challenged" means slut?>>

I applaud your "call it as I see it" mentality. But then, I'm not one to mince words with bunch of PC garbage. I DO think however, that it's better to follow the "praise in public, criticize in private" thing IF POSSIBLE. I know that in our membership roundtables, we were pretty open to discussing confirmed, first hand accounts of someone being a fool. Anything second hand is rumor and unreliable.

<<Personally, the sex life, drug life, spiritual life of another is not my business unless it is harmful to others>>

This can be a harmful mentality to any chapter. The "I don't care what you do on your time (even with the until it is harful to others)" thing is contradictory to the values we all profess - primarily REALLY caring about our fellow members. If someone is risking their welfare through rampant casual sex and/or drug use/abuse then each of us has a responsibility to help them. And is they are a rushee, the same should hold true - but in case you need another point, don't think for a minute that pledging a few drugies or "morally casual" folks won't impact the chapter's rep. Right, wrong or indifferent - perception is reality, and if it's perceived that you pledge the drugies or the loose, the chapter is often found guilty by association.
Brad

carnation · #15 07-11-2001, 04:30 PM

One reason that we have to be so PC is because if someone said, "Jane Doe is a slut," (or whatever)in front of the whole sorority, she could be sued if that made it back to the rushee. It's harder to prove libel if no one actually said it but just hinted at it.

As for PNMs doing drugs or committing other illegal or possibly immoral acts--having members like this can hurt your group badly. I remember one Auburn fraternity that in the seventies unknowingly pledged a bunch of druggies and by the end of the year, those guys had a special room off the attic where they did drugs. Although no one narked on them, people all over campus were aware of it and the whole time I was there, no one but druggies wanted to pledge the formerly good group. Several embarrassed older members went inactive.

It has also been my experience that people who are heavily into drugs, drinking, or sex don't make the best members because they have other things on their mind besides grades, activities, and making the GLO the best it can be.