How do collegiate members REALLY feel about alumni?

dzsaigirl · #1 08-12-2002, 05:05 PM

A lot of you know that I have recently relocated. In relocating, I was eager to get involved with an alumnae chapter. Since there seems to be no alumnae chapter here, I am trying to at least locate area alumnae. To do this, I contacted the alum chair of the local collegiate chapter expressing my interest in being put in touch with other alums, possibly helping out the collegiate chapter, etc.

Well, to put it frankly, they don't seem that interested. They basically said (via email) that they didn't need any help, thanks anyway...and then didn't put me in touch with any alums...

Okay...now I would think that any free help offered would be welcome. I know that in my chapter, we loved it when alums helped out, brought us goodies, critiqued us for rush, donated time and effort, etc. So is this desire for alumnae a regional thing, or perhaps a chapter to chapter thing? I just graduated, so it's not like I am some old lady trying to come in and spoil the fun (no offense to older alums!).

Some of my sisters have said that they think it is because it is the summer and so they are "out of pocket" right now. That might make sense...my chapter kept going through the summer pretty much since almost everyone was local and could get together all the time.

Anyway, maybe this doesn't make sense...am I rambling yet? I am just looking for some insight on this. Alums, how do you feel you are perceived by the collegians and collegians, how do you view your alums?

aephi alum · #2 08-12-2002, 05:28 PM

The fall after I graduated, I went back to help my chapter out with rush. The rush chair was grateful for my help, and I did get a very nice thank-you note from her - but the chapter president was very nasty to me (where PNM's could hear her, to boot), with the result being that I have had nothing to do with my chapter since then. Now that more than 4 years have gone by and all the actives involved have graduated, I'm thinking of getting back in contact with my chapter.

I don't believe many actives really appreciate the time and effort that alums put in. We rearrange our work schedules, we arrange for babysitters, we leave our spouses at home for the evening, sometimes we drive long distances, etc. There are, of course, actives who make similar sacrifices, and I think they have some appreciation of what we go through as alums, but I think they're in the minority.

A Random DphiE · #3 08-12-2002, 05:49 PM

My chapter (and I) HEART our Alumnae!!!
We owe all that we are to them & hope that we continue to grow along with their constant support/help!!

IvySpice · #4 08-12-2002, 05:51 PM

There was a real mix of attitudes among collegians in my group when I helped out as an alum. A couple of years after I graduated, the president actually wrote to me asking for my help, which I happily gave (we're talking about attending all-night deliberations several nights in a row). Some members were borderline hostile, as though I were some kind of invader. But others were very grateful, seemed to weigh my advice heavily when deciding on cuts, etc., which made me think that the negative attitudes I encountered from some were not simply a result of my overreaching.

I was always a very active member, unusually devoted to the organization and possibly other members felt that I was judging them for their lower participation. I think some younger members, in particular, had been kind of waiting for their moment in the sun, and didn't want me still sticking a finger in the pie after I had graduated. At least, this is my theory.

When I was a collegian, I was fascinated by alums. Some former leaders had almost legendary status to me. But this may go along with the fact that I was head over heels in love with my group (which I imagine most GCers can understand!).

Ivy

FuzzieAlum · #5 08-12-2002, 06:05 PM

I can understand that they couldn't think of anything for you to do right now (it is summer, after all), but really, I can't imagine a chapter that couldn't use the assistance of its alums sooner or later. They could have done any of the following:

-Put you on a mailing list to get chapter news
-Let you know when rush is
-Said, "We need money for X"
-Said, "The corp board needs money"
-Met you for coffee (your tab)

Sometimes actives feel the alums are offering unsolicited advice - but that usually means the chapter needs it! And most alums are willing to back up their talk with action.

I would say give them a second chance once school is back in session (maybe even wait until they have new officers). While I don't want to cast aspersions on any of your sisters, I know we from time to time had sisters in offices they did not perform well in, and alum relations isn't a glamorous office all the top leaders are seeking.

I have personally felt pretty welcomed by the the collegians out here. I think it's almost better to be involved in a chapter other than your own as long as you are still pretty fresh out of school, since there is less baggage between you and the members - as long as you don't make the mistake of assuming their chapter/Greek system is exactly like yours and try to force them to be like that. We had an advisor that earned the enmity of the chapter and the area alums (even from other chapters) by doing that.

dzrose93 · #6 08-12-2002, 06:11 PM

dzsaigirl,

I think this is a great topic! Looking back, I know that I was always very excited to meet alums who came to assist my chapter and, currently, I feel that the chapter I assist has collegians who feel much the same way. They are very thankful for alumnae support, and quite vocal about it.

However, they used to be hesitant about asking for help -- the occasional flowers at Rush time or snacks during a work week was about it. Things have changed considerably since we made the Alumnae Relations chairmanship an executive board position, though. Now, the alumnae are getting invitations to events on a regular basis, and the girls on the executive board are starting to get a lot more comfortable asking directly for help when they need something. I think all they needed was a little reminder that we were around if they needed us, and that they shouldn't feel as if they were "imposing" by asking for help.

As an active alumna, the bottom line for me is this: As long as I know that my presence is welcome and appreciated, then I will continue to work with the collegians.

It sounds as if the collegiate chapter in your area may need a little reminder that alumnae are there to help, and that they should take you up on your very generous offer. Perhaps you could contact the chapter's CCD and get involved that way? Also, have you gotten a list from National of the alumnae living in your area? That's a great way to get a new alumnae chapter off the ground. If you need any assistance, please feel free to PM me. Good luck!!

DZLAM,
dzrose93

Aphigal · #7 08-12-2002, 07:13 PM

Are you looking to get invloved with URI?? If so PM me...I can give you details (greek advisor name etc) offline. I know they didn't have an advisor at bid matching last year but are a good chapter.

Maybe if you live in RI we could get together!

prophet · #8 08-12-2002, 07:18 PM

My chapter Epsilon Theta, SF, has made love for alumni brothers. I'll be damn if they don't get their respect. They started this G-S@#t, and deserve the respect. We make sure they get info and stay up to date.
www.pkt.org

nyrdrms · #9 08-12-2002, 08:12 PM

I can only speak for myself, but the more that I get to know my alum sisters, the more I love them...and my sorority. Recently, I've been trying to put together a book of our chapter's history and keep running into dead ends for one reason or another. I mentioned it to one of my sisters who was initiated in 1989 when we had our Founder's Day celebration last year, and since then, I've e-mailed over a hundred of my chapter's alum. They are all so encouraging and always have some more information for me. Without them, this little project of mine wouldn't be possible (and, after all, without them, the chapter would not be what it is). I always enjoy spending every opportunity I have with them, regardless of the situation. A couple of the collegians and I went to an alum event just to get to know these sisters. I think it's important to remember that no matter how old a sister is, she is still your sister and there is a bond there.

AlphaSigLana · #10 08-12-2002, 08:27 PM

I love alum especially their stories about what ASA was like when they were in the house. I feel weird though with the younger alum and I'm not sure why. I feel much more comfortable with the older alum.

violets · #11 08-12-2002, 09:01 PM

dzsaigirl,
Thanks for starting this really educational thread. I agree with dzrose that contact with your national organization is a very good way to begin. First I would recommend you go to the DZ national site. I know the ADPi site asks all Alums who log on whether they would be willing to serve the sorority. They also ask what types of volunteerism they are interested in; I would imagine that DZ has something similar. Another option is calling your Executive Office, they will, I'm sure, have an alumnae relations person to talk to about your options in serving the sorority. They would probably put you in touch with women who are already working with the collegiate members and will most likely be very welcoming.
I think the important thing is to keep an open mind about serving DZ as a whole. Alumnae Associations, especially in the North where you are located, are nowhere near as strong as they are in other areas of the country, serving in this capacity could be a very rewarding and challenging experience. Also, Alumnae Panhellenics are usually thrilled to have more volunteers, as a great representative of DZ on GC I'm sure you would be an asset to your local Alumnae Panhellenic.
Another thing to keep in mind is the fact that collegiate officers change every year. So maybe the women with whom you had contact initially were reluctant about your offers of assistance, next year's executive board might be completely different.
Finally, I was Greek at a Northern school and as a collegiate we were guarded about alumnae who came to help. We felt we would be compared with huge, Southern Greek systems and be found wanting in comparison. (We were the largest sorority on campus, but we had heard stories of chapters with 350-400 women and we were definitely not that size!) But really the advisors who were careful not to start each sentence, "Well, in my chapter...." were very welcome and were a huge help. These women taught us so much and to this day I admire their commitment to Alpha Delta Pi.
Thanks again for starting this thread and good luck with future contributions to Delta Zeta.
violets

33girl · #12 08-12-2002, 10:00 PM

dzsaigirl, you moved from Texas to Rhode Island right? Violets touched on it, but for the most part people up here are more insular and might only want contact with alums of their chapter or ones that are nearby. Sometimes it is because, for better or worse, we've gotten compared with these huge chapters that are at total plus and have 4.0's and everyone is a model

. Sometimes when you have chapter consultants that do a "in my chapter we..." it really puts a bad taste in your mouth. Even at my advanced age, when I meet women from certain chapters, I get my guard up, but then they usually turn out to be perfectly normal.

If they haven't had a lot of help from their own chapter alums, let alone women from other chapters, then yes, they might have thought it was weird. Right now in summer, they are probably out of sorority mode too.

Try getting together with other alums that you contact through your national - you might end up not helping the collegiate chapter directly but you can still do things together.

KappaKittyCat · #13 08-12-2002, 10:02 PM

My chapter would have died this year if it weren't for our alumnae. We survived with only four members on campus and it was entirely because these women, many of whom graduated from our own chapter, stepped forward and said, "We will not let this chapter fold on our watch." They contributed tons of money, food, time, talent, advice, wisdom, and moral support. Even those who do not live in the area were always a phone call or email away. They too were full of advice and support and just as importantly, an ear to listen. Many came up for the initiation of the largest new member class in 6 years. They chipped in enough to send three of us to national convention, so that we could accept our recruitment award in person. They've always been there for us. These women prove that sisterhood in Kappa Kappa Gamma is really for a lifetime.

On behalf of Zeta Epsilon chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma, I would just like to recognize all of our alumnae sisters who've gone the extra mile. We all love you and we are eternally grateful.

shadokat · #14 08-12-2002, 10:27 PM

Being an alum in a new area can be tough dzsaigirl. My advice is to contact your National HQs and ask them if there are any chapter advisor openings in the area. That's how I started volunteering for D Phi E, and at first, yes, the collegiate women were leary of me and my "role", but over the last three years, I have formed relationships with all of the chapters in my region, and they know I'm there when they need me

As for my own chapter, we never had great alumnae relations, but after our reorganization, we totally redid the alumnae program. The new women are doing a rededication campaign with the alumnae and reaching out for their support. They've gotten GREAT response thus far. This past weekend, I went up and helped them do a bit of "Trading Spaces" on our house. We redecorated all of the common areas (kitchen, living room, halls, etc.). It took 2 days and a bit of cash, but it looks AMAZING now

Keep your chin up, and trust me...it takes a little while for collegiates to warm up to an alumnae who isn't their own, but once they realize that you can help in more ways than they understand, you'll be their new best friend

sairose · #15 08-12-2002, 10:55 PM

Our local alumni chapter is super fantastic!! They help us out with half of everything we do and have really helped our chapter get our feet back on the ground. We really love our alumni, and they seem to love us a lot too.