unhappy -- need advice

binks · #1 09-27-2002, 10:56 AM

hello phi sig sisters,

I have been very unhappy with my phi sig chapter. to the point were i almost disafflicted two weeks ago. I talked to the MAL last night after a certain situation happen in the chapter, and Since i am MRC and the girls are my friends i am being blamed for it. I have been getting e-mails that make me cry, from our prez and from two others sisters, one of which i do not like and i can't be in the same room. i came home for the night cause i have a therapy Appt. My parents listened to me cry for about two hours. My parents don't understand how my sorority would have something againse my two good friends. They are the all-american girls -- every chapter on campus has been trying to get them for the last year, but they want us partly cause of me. Personally, my parents do not like most of my chapter, my dad said most of the ones he has met have no real personality! And i have been seeing that lately!

let me explain what happen: two of my good friends came out to an event. They had a great time and thought the chapter was soo sweet. Well, our VP called me the next morning to ask what i thought about it. i wanted to give them a bid and so did the MAL. Three of the sisters loved them. Four didn't get to talk to them that much, but that they were sweet and cute and good girls. Three didn't like them, HOnestly I hate to say it but two were new sisters and new sister my have voice but not no vote in my opinion! So i called the sisters and the majority of them had no problem with giving them Bids So we did. They both are waiting for next semester to do it. Now, I have about three to four e-mails from sisters Saying Sh*t about it. I feel i am personally being attack from some of the sisters. I called our MAL crying last night. She and i are good friends and she has NEVER seen me this upset since my ex boyfriend. She is calling the whole chapter infront of j-board. So i will be able to talk, cause noone is letting me talk.

MY dad made a point that i don't do anythign with my sisters but sorority stuff. I personally do not like hanging out with them outside of sorority. I am closer to another sorority on campus then my own. My parents feel i joined the wrong sorority, and i honestly feel that too right now. I had two sororities( the popular ones on campus) that wanted me to come out to them but i went to Phi Sigma. And i honestly feel right now it was the worse thing i did. I don't know what to do. My illness is effected my stress aand i have enough stress from school and friends. I don't think it is worth it right now.

jess_pom · #2 09-27-2002, 04:51 PM

You need to do what's best for you. I would contact your DCP or whatever the hell they're calling them this week and talk to her about your chapter. It sounds to me like you guys need Vision ASAP! Not only does it help with recruitment, it helps you become closer as sisters.

As for quitting, I would hate to lose you as a sister, but you have to remember that you are there for school, and that this is a club, not academic. Perhaps your sisters need to be reminded of that, too.

As for your friends deciding to wait, there is nothing wrong with that. We always have girls that come to open bids, get a bid and then decide to wait til next semester. It is up to you and the other sisters to keep them interested. Invite them to sisterhoods, etc. Make them see that it is a good time. And perhaps more sisterhoods or Phi Sig fun nites will be good for you and the chapter. You will get to know each other outside of meetings.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to!

MooseGirl · #3 09-29-2002, 05:20 PM

This is a difficult problem...i'm bad at giving advice, but I'm gonna write a few things anyway.

First, it's great the chapter is being brought to J-board. that is a terrific way to discuss your situation.
If that does not solve everything, please also consider a "pass the gavel" session, or other way of letting ALL sisters discuss their feelings about the chapter.

I'd also recommend that you take it upon yourself to try and get closer to the few sisters who emailed you and go out to lunch or coffee with them. (one at a time so they don't gang up on you) I know it seems they should apologize and make amends(which they should) but by inviting them out you show them you are a strong sister who is willing to work past differences.

As MRC, you may want to say in your report that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to defer acceptance of her bid. I know in our chapter we usually have pinning just 3 days after bid, but that is not absolute. If a woman does not feel prepared to start the new member period she has the option to hold off for the entire year.
It shouldn't matter to your sisters when these women become sisters, just that they will become sisters who can commit when they're ready.

I really hope you can resolve your situation because I would hate to see a wonderful sister disaffiliate.

LITP

Glitter650 · #4 10-01-2002, 02:42 AM

Well all I have to say is if the sisters that didn't like your friends you brought were technically new members they do not have a voice in extending bids... (we are COBing and the girls who just got bids through formal can't vote on the newest girls) so I'm assumign that's protocol... I also agree with a pass the gavel session or something of the sort. Thirdly about joining the wrong sorority... you've been initiated.... you can never join another NPC organization... so if you want to have the greek experience, you have to stick it out with Phi Sig. You can disaffiliate, but then you would be giving up your privliges as an alumnae... I think if you have this much heart into Phi Sig that you are MAL and are trying to bring in girls to your chapter and all of that are probably just the type of girl that can bring your chapter around

binks · #5 10-12-2002, 04:52 PM

It's been two weeks since the J-board meeting with my chapter. Since the original chapter(excluding new members) is small it made recruitment harder for us and put more pressure and stress on me. I have been relaxing more and concentrating on my schooling and art! I'm going shopping with one of our sisters today to get gifts for sapphire week

I don't know what to get them I have twins!! I am soo excited!!!! The sisters are letting me enjoy being a sister, which i ended.
Gotta go
love Binks

JayAnio · #6 10-14-2002, 06:13 PM

I understand the situation that you are going through. My chapter just recently went through the same situation just last week. Only this was only one girl and I didn't bring her to the COB event. It was another one of my sister who has been busting her balls (mind the vulgarity) trying to actively recruit new women for our chapter. However, at this event, one sister felt that the potential rubbed her the wrong way and another wanted her to come to more events before we extend a bid. Some of the reasoning were logical, but the potential felt the dislikeness and told the girl who brought her that she felt that two of the women did not like her. My sister was so distraught by that that she seriously considered disaffiliating (I know I should probably give more details, but I'm not sure how much I could say.) Anyways, what I told her is the same thing that I am going to tell you. Do not lose heart. I know now seems like the perfect time to give up, but think up the other sisters that look up to you as an example. I know it's hard to keep a smile on your face when all you want to do is scream and yell and throw something against the wall. If anything you should tell the sisters that is giving you "s***" that should try to get to know the new members. When I joined, some of my sisters rubbed me the wrong way. But as weeks and events passed and I got to know them more. If anything, I just learned how to work with them in order to keep this chapter functioning. I hope this help. I really don't know what else to say