Not sure what to do....

DivaStar05 · #1 07-15-2002, 01:34 AM

Okay....I guess I should start out by saying that I just joined a sorority durning the last spring semester of my freshman year. I'm very happy that I joined, and because of this problem, I hope to have strong support of my sisters. But that's a problem in itself.

I've been through depression on and off since the summer before my junior year of highschool. I started treatment (or what very little I've had) near the end of fall semester. I've talked to therapist, and I've been on/off of my medication (mostly b/c I choose not to take it.) I've also been suicidal at times. I know this is a major problem, and I know I need to seek more help.

This is where my problem comes in. I don't know how I should tell some/all of my sisters. I know this may sound wrong, but I'd perfer to keep it to just two or three sisters. I don't want all the girls worrying about me 24/7. I'd just like to have someone to turn to when I'm depressed, someone who I can totally trust and someone who will listen to me. I guess my question is, how can I tell a sister about my problem? Should I tell her everything, or just recent happenings? I hope someone can help and that I kinda explained things....

Hootie · #2 07-15-2002, 01:46 AM

Well this is a tough one. It's often hard to find someone to confide in. Are you close to any of your sisters at all or are you just looking for someone to talk to? I mean, if you already feel close to a few sisters (or one in general), it'd help because then she'll know where you're coming from. Whereas if you just throw this news onto a sister, she might not know how to react, or better yet, not be the proper person to confide in anyway.
What I'd do is maybe talk to a few people you feel closest too about your depression. Explain how/what you're going through so if you seem offstandish or quiet, they can know why...or maybe extend an extra helping hand. Then once you feel comfortable let them in on the rest.
Just remember that something like what you're dealing with may freak some people out because they're not good with handling other's problems! But remember you can always talk to us on here!
Hootie

DivaStar05 · #3 07-15-2002, 02:08 AM

See, I joined with like, a month left of school, and when I'm on campus for summer classes and I see a sister, most of them don't even recognize me. I did talk to one sister today though, who I might be able to confide in. I'm really big on the trust issue, and it takes some time to trust someone. And with something like this, I'm going to really have to find someone I can really trust....

AchtungBaby80 · #4 07-15-2002, 09:26 AM

I know what you mean. I didn't get to the point where I could tell any of my sisters personal things until I moved into the house and became close with several people, most of all my roommate. It's not an easy thing, but if you feel like you need to talk to someone, choose the one you feel closest to and go from there. You don't have to tell her any more than you want to, but I am almost certain she will not react negatively--after all, a lot of people have things they deal with along those lines, and you can't be the only one.

sairose · #5 07-15-2002, 10:08 AM

DivaStar, I have PM'd you.

PM_Mama00 · #6 07-15-2002, 10:40 AM

If your sisters are true sisters, then whoever you told would be totally supportive of you, and would also keep it to herself if that is your wishes.

I've been through the exact same thing that you have, cept since my 10th grade year, and I've never had help. I still get really depressed. The person who I found to confide in wasn't even one of my sisters... he was a fraternity brother. A stereotypical one too! You never know who u can find to talk to about your problems. As for sisterhood, any one of those girls should be supportive. A month before I joined, one of the girls from our chapter committed suicide. She had help, and all the love from our sisters. I never knew her and I don't know the exact story. But I do know that she had a lot of very good friends in the sorority who tried as much as possible to be there for her, and were deeply saddened when she passed.

I think about suicide all the time. I get depressed all the time. But by finding a good friend to talk to about my problems, I realized that it's not the way out. Don't worry... once you get to know your sisters, you'll find that one person who'll be there for you. No one is going to shun you because you have problems. You'll be surprised how many sisters I've talked to that have also contemplated suicide. I can't say that it's a normal high school/college student thing, because that'd be horrible. But it's a lot easier to talk to someone who knows what you're going through.

#7 07-15-2002, 11:01 AM

I strugged with this issue (of whether and how to tell) for a while myself, while I was president of my chapter, in fact.

I had told some of the girls that I was closer to about my depression and anorexia throughout the years, but it was definitely something the whole group didn't know about. I was a little bit scared to tell everyone, because while we all got along well, there were some of the girls I wasn't particularly close to (especially the younger ones, who had just recently pledged.) and, like you, I didn't want everyone treating me like I was going to break at any second or worrying about me 24 hours a day.

During my time as president, though, it became clear to me that I was getting much worse, and wasn't going to be able to continue with school. I was going to need to tell my sisters that I was going to resign as president.

The way that worked best for me, was I first brought up the subject in an exec board meeting to not only deal with the logistical aspect of it, but also to kind of test out reactions. They were all very supportive, and it gave me much more confidence to tell the whole group.

So, the following week in our general meeting, I (very tearfully) told everyone what I'd been dealing with and the decision I'd made. Their reaction made so much of a difference in my life, I can't even begin to explain. Everyone was tremendously supportive (I think I got more hugs in that one meeting than in the rest of my life combined). Some of the younger girls (who I wasn't sure how they'd react) were some of the most helpful - I had quite a few of them tell me that they had looked up to me (when I actually thought they didn't like me). I got flowers from the group and a phone call almost every day asking how I was. It was just an outpouring of love and helpfulness like I've never seen before in my life. In my mind, it was the epitome of true sisterhood.

Perhaps even more importantly, and something I was never expecting, was that I had a few girls approach me individually and talk to me about what they were going through and ask me for help. Each one of them said that they'd been having trouble (whether it be with depression, or an eating disorder, or something else) and didn't know where to turn, and when I brought out my problem to the chapter, they realized that they could get help too, and wouldn't be "looked down upon" or anything for it.

So, to make a long story short, don't be afraid to share what you're going through. I think you mentioned that you were a younger member - perhaps you might want to talk to your pledge class and/or big sister first, since they probably know you best - and after talking to them, THEN tell the whole group. I can't tell you how much looking around the room and seeing support in my exec board's eyes helped me get through telling everyone else.

I wish you good luck, and please feel free to PM me if you want help or just to talk!

wvapogirl · #8 07-15-2002, 11:09 AM

Quote:

I've talked to therapist, and I've been on/off of my medication (mostly b/c I choose not to take it.) I've also been suicidal at times. I know this is a major problem, and I know I need to seek more help.

Go back and see a psychiatrist. TAKE YOUR MEDICATIONS!!! I don't mean to sound harsh, but I speak from experience. I have been treated for depression and bipolar disorder for the past six years. It's not easy, it's not fun... but please, while seeking the help of your sisters, seek medical help too. There are so many new medications out there now that something is bound to help. If you need to talk, PM me.

Nicole

ChiOJenn78 · #9 07-15-2002, 12:43 PM

I don't want this to sound harsh/lecturing, but you really need to be on your meds. Your doctors prescribe them for a reason-they will help regulate the chemical signals that are passed from nerve to nerve in your brain. The meds are to regulate those signals/block certian signals, etc so that you can function and the depression is less a damper on your life. My best friend just recently(well, almost a year ago) was diagnosed with bi-polar, and she has been taking her meds and now she is a totally different person. It takes a while for them to work-some are very toxic and have to be titrated slowly(that means they can only be increased very slowly) and so it may seem that they aren't working-but believe me, they will. I watched my friend go from bouncy/outgoing etc. to trying to commit suicide and back up to outgoing/functioning normally in her daily life (meaning she can go to work again, she sees friends again, she's not in bed crying all day, etc). Stick with your meds, they will kick in, and help you function!!

I agree with what everyone else has said so far about your sisters supporting you!! It may not seem that way, since you don't know them that well, but you just might be surprised! I wish you well with all of this-it's such a hard thing to live with-but pm me if you want to talk at all!!

EagleChick19 · #10 07-15-2002, 12:55 PM

I agree with everyone here. I had a friend in HS who was bi-polar and didn't take her meds. You could definitely tell a difference in her! Please take your meds! They will help you out in the long run!

ThielGirlie · #11 07-15-2002, 04:08 PM

I agree with everyone else: take the meds! I can understand as a psych major and a person that has dealed with depression (because of being in a wheelchair for years, though I'm out of it now) why you don't want to take them.

I had a friend that pledged a sorority (the one I'm COBing in the fall) last fall, and she ended up having a mental/emotional breakdown because she didn't take her meds and didn't want her sisters to know about her problems. She thought the Prozac she was taking made her too bubbly and hyper (which it did sometimes, but it wasn't noticable). So, because of it all, she had to drop out of school and of course had to depledge. She was a great wonderful girl when she was taking her meds, but turned into a depressed wreck of a woman when she was trying to be "normal" around her sisters. Now she can't be a part of the sisterhood, and regrets it to this day.

Don't miss out on things like she did. Tell your sisters, even if just one or two of them. They will most likely find you responsible and trusting if you care about yourself enough to let them know and take your medication. Hope this has inspired you at least a little bit.

DivaStar05 · #12 07-15-2002, 05:08 PM

I've been thinking about the girl(s) that I could trust with this. After talking to a sorority girl on Yahoo last night, I remembered that one of my pledge sisters knew about my depression. She knew before even she joined the sorority (she pledged a while before me, though still in the same semester.). I think I could tell the president about this. I really like her, and I feel like she's very trustworthy. I'm sure there's a few other girls I can trust with this, but I want to be careful before I say anything. Once I get to know them better, I know it will be fine.

And on a side note: I took my med this morning!

EagleChick19 · #13 07-15-2002, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DivaStar05
I've been thinking about the girl(s) that I could trust with this. After talking to a sorority girl on Yahoo last night, I remembered that one of my pledge sisters knew about my depression. She knew before even she joined the sorority (she pledged a while before me, though still in the same semester.). I think I could tell the president about this. I really like her, and I feel like she's very trustworthy. I'm sure there's a few other girls I can trust with this, but I want to be careful before I say anything. Once I get to know them better, I know it will be fine.

And on a side note: I took my med this morning!

I'm glad that you could find someone that you could confide in...Your sisters will become best friends!

I'm glad that you're taking your meds!

Kamikazee · #14 07-15-2002, 11:46 PM

I can totally understand what your going through... I am bi-polar and had a hard time dealing... so I repressed all my emotions and it only ended in self-destructive actions... you need help.. you need a therepist and medication... i know first hand how much uncomfortable it can be, but it is the only things that can truly help... the next best advice I can give you is to confide in your sisters (at least one).. this is a true test of sisterhood and if you joined for the right reasons... they will not let you fall

TNAndy · #15 07-17-2002, 08:20 PM

DivaStar,

Please be sure you continue to take your meds as ordered until you have a chance to discuss this with your MD. Some of these medications cause withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking them suddenly and some cause side effects unless you gradually increase the dosage to the effective level. Talking things over with a sister you can trust is always a blessing, but only your doctor can tell you what you should do about your prescriptions. For further assistance, consider a member of the clergy. Many pastors are trained for this sort of thing and they are bound to keep mum about your situation unless you threaten harm to someone. I am glad you are seeking help. Depression is a life-threatening disease. Take care and good luck.