Respect for alumnae?

dzrose93 · #1 11-13-2002, 06:04 PM

Hi Sisters,

I dislike posting negative issues on our forum, and, as a rule, I generally try to stay away from them. However, I feel that by bringing this topic up that maybe we can learn from each other and possibly think of some solutions to a problem that I've witnessed lately.

During the past several weeks, I've noticed that some of the girls at the collegiate chapter I assist have a rather apathetic attitude toward alumnae. They don't stand for an alumna when she enters the room, they don't send thank-you cards or e-mails when an alumna gives them a gift, and they pretty much ignore alumnae when they attend events at the house. Since I am the alumnae relations advisor, this bothers me considerably -- particularly since I have been working hard over the past 3 years to build alumnae support for the chapter.

Disrespecting alumnae has become a rather disturbing trend among the chapters that I've visited in the past few years, and I'm wondering if any other alumnae feel the same way. Also, I'd like to hear from collegians to find out how their chapters treat alum visitors and what their overall feeling is regarding alumnae respect.

Please know that I'm not saying ALL collegians are disrespectful to alumnae --- it's just that negative/apathetic attitudes stand out more, and I'd like to see what we can do to make some of our chapters more welcoming places for alums to visit and volunteer.

BrandiDZ · #2 11-13-2002, 08:36 PM

My chapter is very dilligent about respecting alums (I use the word alums, because I can never remember the proper term

We stand everytime an alum enters the room. We even do it in the lunch room when alums who work at our university come in to get lunch. One of my proffessors is an alum of my chapter and I asked her for permission not to stand up every class when she enters the room (we did it on the first day though just to be cute!) We have enormous alum support and we all appreciate it. We always thank them and we know that we wouldnt be the amazing chapter we are without them. We have atleast 2 alums at every meeting (which is hard because our meetings are wednesday nights at 9:15pm) We also have events with our alums which helps the younger girls get to know them and we all look forward to seeing our alums at these events. I'll ask my CCD tonight for some ideas on how to improve alum/collegiate relations and get back to you.

AchtungBaby80 · #3 11-13-2002, 09:00 PM

At our chapter, alums are these mystical beings who we rarely see but who always send us truckloads of homemade cookies & candy during finals week.

Alums don't come around in person very often, from what I've seen, so maybe that's the reason we sometimes forget about things like standing up when they enter the room. I'm not sure...I think it's more the case, though, that we were just never taught those finer points like that; I remember hearing it once as a new member, but I haven't had to remember it too often.

As a rule, though, I think our alums are great! They do a lot for us, whether or not we realize it (I just noticed this last year when House Corp. came to talk to us). Maybe I can put a reminder on the announcements at next week's meeting that we should make sure to give alums the respect they deserve!

dzandiloo · #4 11-14-2002, 01:26 PM

I know one of the problems that I have seen is that some collegians resent having to give respect (standing, etc) for someone who shows up once a year for the sole purpose of being waited on (i.e. homecoming luncheon or something like that), or for the sole purpose of reigning over them. I remember my chapter had a local alum who was a complete hag about it--she would MAKE us stand for her everywhere we went-even in her classroom, and she would glare at us if we forgot. Made me dislike her very much...she was a tyrant.

On the other hand, this same chapter 10 years later LOVES their alumnae. We have to tell them to stop standing for us (and I have to tell them to stop calling me Mrs. Howard). The reason for this is that the chapter has really worked hard to instill in them the fact that DZ is not just the best 4 years of your life. They have done this by having alumnae physically there for the important things--recruitment, homecoming, philanthropies, etc. This has to be a joint effort though-there has to be at least one alum who is willing to bust her butt to motivate her other alum sisters to show they care, and this can be done in many ways--not just by giving $, but by sending random cards during the year saying "I, as an alumnae, am so proud of you all, and look forward to meeting you," etc.

I don't feel like I have earned anyone's respect just because I graduated. I have to show my love for the sorority & my sisters everytime I come into contact with them. It starts during pledgeship--even if there are no alum's physically around, you have to find a way to show them that out of sight doesn't have to mean out of mind...plant those seeds then, and the bond between collegian & alum will grow, and in the end we will see greater retention/activity after graduation.

AchtungBaby80 · #5 11-14-2002, 03:44 PM

I know this is a little off the subject, but what's it like being an (active) alum? The reason I'm asking is because this is my last year as a collegiate member!

WindyCityDZ · #6 11-15-2002, 03:31 AM

I haven't been active in Delta Zeta since I was a collegiate. I graduated in 1977.

I've always been in touch with many of my chapter sisters, who are great friends, and continue to be. We've been together thru marriages, career uncertainty, childbirth, real estate acquisition, divorces, etc. What a support system!

When I got out of school, there really wasn't any organized program to keep alums involved. My chapter didn't have any alum involvement at all, so I thought that that was normal. I just went with it. Life happens, and you get busy. But I always missed it.

Happily, in the last several years, I've found an online DZ alum group that got me re-introduced, and I've joined a real "bricks and mortar" alum group in my area. Delta Zeta is back in my life, and I'm having a great time!

Bottom line: These days, there are so many ways to stay involved with DZ after college, and so many resources to help you make that connection. Do it and maintain it. I wish I had.

DKZ - Robin

dzrose93 · #7 11-15-2002, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
I know this is a little off the subject, but what's it like being an (active) alum? The reason I'm asking is because this is my last year as a collegiate member!

AchtungBaby80: In a word, it's "awesome."

Being an active alumna is definitely different than being an active collegian -- no mandatory meetings to attend and no intramurals to enjoy, for example. But there are lots of similarities as well. For one thing, we still occasionally have "mixers" with fraternities, although not nearly as often as we did in college. Last year, we had a social with the Kappa Sigma alumni chapter in our area. Also, for the past 3 years, all the NPC alumnae chapters in my area have gotten together to host our annual "Bring A Bachelor Event" charity fundraiser each spring. (Benefits go to the Children's Make A Wish Foundation.)

We still do fundraising, although not in the form of car washes and spaghetti suppers which were so popular in my collegiate chapter.

And we still do charity events such as our annual Casino Night and Silent Auction that benefits a local school for the deaf.

We still get together for meetings, although they are usually only once a month and certainly aren't mandatory. And we still pay dues -- although they are much less than what I paid as a collegian. (This year's annual dues were $35.)

I find that I have a little more "freedom" (for lack of a better word) as an alumna, although I believe I have a little more responsibility now than I did in college. However, my responsibilities are all volunteer-based, and I could give them up if need be.

Overall, I think I have more fun as an alumna than I did as a collegian. Hard to believe, I know, but for me it's the absolute truth! It's just a slightly different kind of fun, that's all.

I urge all of you collegian DZ's to get involved with the sorority after graduation. You'll be so glad that you did!

Blaire · #8 11-18-2002, 04:29 PM

You know, its funny.... We (as in my chapter) generally have respect for alums. However, we had 27 girls graduate last year!

So, whenever I see them (ie...homecoming parade, during recruitment...) I forget that they are alum! I was so used to seeing them on a "regular" basis that I sometimes forget that they are no longer active as a colligiate. Weird...someday I'll be one....

Carrie, I'm really sorry. I think that you are amazing! If your chapter does not shape up soon, think of this...one day the shoe will be on the other foot...they will becomes alums and when they don't get the respect they deserve and earned, I'm sure they will gravel at your feet! Take comfort in that, at least!!!!

Blaire

Nikki_DZ · #9 11-22-2002, 12:55 PM

Carrie, I feel ya!

When I was active, we were conditioned to stand when an alum came in the room. If you didn't, oh, you can be sure someone was going to get on you later. We might have slacked with our CCD, but she told us to stop, she was forgetting to tell us to sit

Naturally, when I became an alumni I expected similar treatment. Not that people needed to stand, per se, but friendliness, courtesy, what have you. I encountered members of the collegiate chapter on the campus where I go to graduate school, and introduced myself as an alumni. Two of them just looked at me and continued with their conversation, and the other just stared. No hello or anything. I was visably miffed (SSers, you might remember my shock!). Several months later I was introduced, during another campus function, to two members who were sweet and shocked at the actions of their fellow members. I haven't visited my collegiate chapter in a while, so there's still hope-hear that bgsugirlie?

j/k

As far as being an alum, it's great!!!! Connecting with sisters from other chapters, learning of other traditions, and having bonds with people from various generations is amazing. It's a fabulous networking tool, and just down right fun!!!!

DZHBrown · #10 02-24-2003, 09:18 PM

I'm just catching up with some GC posts and wanted to post in response to this. I was at the mall during Christmas and my mom and I were checking out at Bath and Body Works. I noticed she had a DZ lavalier on so I asked her if she a Delta Zeta here. She said yes and I proceeded to tell her that I was an alumna from the chapter. She was like "oh". And just stared at me. Well, I wasn't sure what to say, so I asked her when she was initated and all and she was very short with me, didn't smile, etc. I felt kinda stupid and was disappointed that she really didn't care or anything. It may have been weird to have some random person ask her that, but I just remember being gracious to alumnae that I met.
The few times I have gone to our chapter room since graduating, I haven't had anyone stand for me. I know that being young and being a fairly recent active plays a role in that though, like Blaire was saying.
Just thought I'd chime in on that one!
Heather Brown

bgsugirlie · #11 03-13-2003, 01:16 AM

Nikki_DZ....

You need to come around...I promise that we're nice to alum. I wish we got to see some of you guys more often!

But I do think it's sad that they might not be getting the respect that they deserve. Personally, I think meeting any sister whether she is active or alum is exciting! It's like a big family to me.