Background Check?!

sistarisin · #1 10-22-2001, 09:43 AM

While driving to work (this is where I do my deepest thinking

), and listenin to Russ Parr and Olivia Fox....

People Poll Question of the Day was

"Do you agree with performing a Background Check on your potential partner?"

I apologize if this has been covered in another thread; however, I did perform a search...

I don't agree with it; however, I strongly feel that for those that do agree with it should be prepared to let the person know that they're intending to perform a background check. How do you pretend to have a basis for trust with someone if (1) you have to dig through their personal history and (2) you do so without their knowledge. If you have the temerity to do one, I think you should be woman/man enough to come correct with that person about what you intend to do. We do have to submit to these types of background checks for employment with our permission ; therefore, I think the same courtesy should be exercised. Is that naive?

What yall think about delving or having someone delve into your background?

AlacrityZK · #2 10-22-2001, 04:13 PM

I don't agree with this mess either. If it is that crucial for you to perform a background check on your partner, then why are you with them? I honestly believe that if you wait to receive the person God has for you, then that mess with the background checks would so unecessary.

Also, the system would be abused. I am sure people would be lying about their partner and get information on whomever they liked. Hey, what ever happened to personal space?

c&c1913 · #3 10-22-2001, 08:14 PM

but, when I worked at the police department I used to do "favors" for my friends/ relatives on potential mates. Most of the time, my friends already knew, but they just wanted to know how many times or what else they may be hiding. This helped fill time gaps when ol' boy didn't 'fess up.

I agree with the previous posts though. If you don't/can't trust them, why be with them?

ClassyLady · #4 10-22-2001, 08:24 PM

I think this is a total invasion of privacy. I would never consider this unless my mate had done something to totally betray my trust. Even then, this would just be a fleeting thought.

This is ridiculous. What if you find something that your partner was about to tell you? You would feel like an a$$ then and probably lose the person that you really cared about.

CrucialCrimson · #5 10-22-2001, 11:18 PM

Maybe a police check and credit check sounds extreme - but think about it, in the first stages of a relationship, you are already doing something of a background check on a person. If you have friends in common you pump them for as much information as you can about this new person in your life and you don't necessarily divulge these conversations to the person. Even in the questions/conversation you have directly with the person, you are checking out their background, family, and if you ask the right questions you can find the real deal about their finances/credit-not just the story the window dressing shows. I think it pays to be as safe as you can espcially if you are in a new or unfamiliar city and if that means getting some info from a PI or other methods I say go for it!!

novella000 · #6 11-04-2001, 01:00 PM

I agree with both sides of this coin. On one hand you want to trust everything that person says, and it is a massivie invasion of privacy. The other hand says screw all of that, a sista NEEDS to KNOW, exclusive of his rights.

If I felt as though I needed to run a background check, then I would discuss it with my mate. I guess I would ask him if he minded... It's kind of like a blood test and credit check. BOTH parties should do it.

On another hand, I think more than likely, I would end the relationship if I felt the need to run a criminal check on ol' boy.

Special1920 · #7 11-04-2001, 07:37 PM

I guess this comes with old age, but if you have ability to have a person checked out do so. You meet a man/woman at a club, library, school, why should you take their word that they never been married, never been to prison, don't have children?

tickledpink · #8 11-05-2001, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Special1920
I guess this comes with old age, but if you have ability to have a person checked out do so. You meet a man/woman at a club, library, school, why should you take their word that they never been married, never been to prison, don't have children?

I agree. Just to be sure he's not the crazy/ deranged brother bustin' in the club wearin' pajamas and footies that Martin Lawrence talks about (You So Crazy)!

Shanums · #9 07-17-2002, 06:09 AM

I totally agree with doing background checks, maybe not to the extent of hiring a PI, but I will do my own research.

A Personal Example-- My ex-boyfriend had me under the impression that he was a childless, 26 yr old grad of NYU. 'Ol boy was 22, had 2 kids, never made it out of the 9th grade, and at last count was hiding 7 other girlfriends. That was the end of that relationship, no explanations needed. Had I, the girlfriend of less than a month, not decided to check up on him, me and those 7 other girls would probably still be getting played for fools.

korkscru · #10 07-17-2002, 10:52 AM

Well, I'll say this. I don't really see the significance in a CREDIT check because MOST of our credit reports are kinda busted. Heck, I'm so glad that MY husband didn't do a credit check on me before we got married because it was down right shameful.

Besides, I'm hoping that NO ONE is or will base a potentially good and lasting relationship on past credit mistakes.

Now as far as OTHER background checks (Central Registry, Criminal, things like that) are concerned, I agree with it 100%. Nowadays, it pays to be careful. You never know if you're dealing with some psycho, child-molester, stalker, or what not. I can DEFINITELY see how these kinds of background checks are relevant. Hey, if you don't have anything to hide, then there shouldn't be a problem, right?

Right now all I can think about is an episode of 'Good Times' where Thelma was dating Lloyd. Remember he was the one who was in a halfway house because of being a bigomist. And if J.J. had not INVESTIGATED, where would she be??

CrucialCrimson · #11 07-17-2002, 01:18 PM

My husband and I didn't do "sneak" checks on each other before getting married but we each pulled a credit report and went over it while we were engaged so we could plan certain aspects of our future. I wasn't coming off of my honeymoon to live in an apartment so we knew we wanted to buy a house right away and didn't want any surprises or past immaturity get in the way. If I were single now I would probably do all kinds of checks on someone, including CREDIT. The inablity to keep up with financial obligations says alot about a person to me.

skeeliteful · #12 07-17-2002, 06:20 PM

I'd do one if I was serious about the person. My freshman year in college I was dating this guy and he went to high school with my roommate so I thought he was pretty cool. She really didn't have anything bad to say about him. Until...I had to go back home for an emergency and since I didn't have a car or money for a bus/plane ticket (and it was a weekend not too many people were going home), he offered to drive me. We're packing up the care when sheriff officer's came out of no where and were all over us. I was handcuffed put in the back of a car as they searched his car where they found an unregistered gun and about 3 fake id's. They asked me "did you know that this car was stolen?" Mind you..ALL of this is going on in front of my dorm. I thought nothing of it when he told me he got a new car. THANK GOD I wasn't arrested (although he was) because if we had actually gotten on the road I'd probably be sitting in a jail cell right now.

To make a long story short...I later found out that he had been arrested twice before on credit card fraud and writing bad checks.

My point? YOU NEVER KNOW...CHECK THEM OUT!!!

TLAW · #13 07-17-2002, 08:35 PM

As a man... word of advice: if you have a shimmering of a doubt, check. Love can be very blind, and cover a multitude of shortcomings.
As for the system being abused, that shouldn't be a problem. Since I do criminal checks as part of my job responsibilty, it is relatively safe, and is quite easy if you have permission.
I know this sounds harsh, but too many women have lost their lives because they ignored their intuition, and basic common sense.