Can you get a new Big?

PurdueGirlie · #1 06-15-2002, 08:21 PM

Well as a new initiate (technically I think I am still considered one... hehe), I am going to be moving into the house next semester. I am nervous, but also excited.

One thing I am kinda worried/upset about is that I won't be living with my Big Sis. She left the house and turned in her badge. So now I am without a Big Sis. And everyone has told me that your Big is most important during your first semester in the house.

Well... what I wanna know is, can I get a new one? I mean, and have it be technical. Someone has already told me that they will be my "adopted Big," but I think that I should just be able to make if official.

I haven't brought any of this up with my chapter yet because it all happened during the last weeks of the semester. I had heard rumors that my Big wasn't returning. I tried getting in touch with her for weeks and then she finally called me and confirmed that she was leaving.

I just feel like I deserve a new one... someone that will be able to be there for me. Besides, we always have to write the members of our family on things. And I think it will be weird writing down the name of someone who isn't even a sister anymore.

Any advice, people? Do you know if it is possible to get a new Big Sis?

Help me out! Any advice will be greatly appreciated

ROWDYsister · #2 06-15-2002, 08:37 PM

I would imagine the "Adopted Big" system is valid. I mean, I don't think Bigs and Littles are registered with Nationals or anything, so it would just be a personal choice, right?

About your big, it would be really weird to have your old big listed on family trees, b/c it's not like she went Undergrad Alum...she deactivated. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, I'm a PC '01 so I don't have a little of my own, either, and haven't been through this yet.

I'm sorry your big left...it must hurt. My grandbig went Undergrad Alum last semester and I could tell my Big was really saddened by it.

jess_pom · #3 06-15-2002, 09:02 PM

I guess it all depends on your chapter. In my chapter, a sister without a big can be adopted. That person is no longer a member of her previous family and is now a member of her new big's family. It might be really cool to see if your 2 big would want to adopt you. That way you could stay in the same family! Good luck and I'm sorry about your Big.

SparkliiQTMTSU · #4 06-15-2002, 09:13 PM

I know that if a sister leaves that we can have an adopted big just talk to your chapter about it Im sure you can get one

Nichole

ivysis · #5 06-15-2002, 09:42 PM

It depends on the organization, but yes you can get a new big. One girl in our house had several littles and then left, they were adopted by other girls (even have adoption papers!). Another option we use is to go to your big's big sis...then you stay in the family group. good luck!

AOE,
ang

xok85xo · #6 06-15-2002, 10:15 PM

My real big sister was a psychotic bitch..to this day i still hate her, my junior year i was adopted by the person that i now consider to be my big, i call her big, we are really close, she is the one that i trace my family tree back to, etc..however..in my chapter there is no official process of doing so, she just adopted me..and thats how it was..coincidentally my 1st little ended up adopting my first grandlittle after her big resigned..and after i went alum i became close with a girl who was affiliating with my chapter and she asked me to adopt her..so i did..so i guess you can say i have the adopted family

but again..there really wasn't any official process, its just something we said okay you're my big. no paperwork or anything

MooseGirl · #7 06-15-2002, 10:25 PM

We had a kinda similar situation....A sister of mine moved out of town, and dropped to part time status...commuted just 2 days a week. So she was not around to participate, she went alumnae eventually. But before the official change of status, her Lil was feeling left out, so another sister decided to step in. I was prez at the time and I didn't mind that they spent time together and talked, wrote notes and stuff, but when the new adopted Big made the Lil a scrapbook listing HER family tree, I had to say no.....First of all, the first Big was planning on doing the scrapbook...it's just everyone is a little slow at handing them over. And second, alum in the first Big's family tree felt a bit snubbed too since they were still around to show family spirit.

So, my advice is just to consider the family tree issue...will you be hurting anyone else's feelings or stomping on someone's toes?

If your grand Big or other immediate family members aren't around anymore it shouldn't be a problem.

DZTUBAGIRL · #8 06-15-2002, 11:34 PM

When I was pledging Delta Gamma I had a big that didn't even talk to me at all. She went and got another little the same semester and I was really mad. So I went to one of the other sisters and asked if I could get another big and she said that was fine and adopted me. I ended up depledging anyway so it was a waste but it can be done. I don't know how it is with other sororities but Delta Zeta does it too.

Anne Marie

SoCalGirl · #9 06-16-2002, 05:47 AM

Purdue Girlie,

Let me tell you a little of my family history.

On the night my Bis Sis, Sara, got her Big Sis, Kim; Kim got into a severe car crash. The injuries were so bad that Kim could not come back to school for over a year. Sara was immediately adopted by Therese. When I joined, Kim was not yet back, so as far as I knew my family went Me, Sara, Therese. I then come to find out I have not one Grand Big, but two! I was way excited.

I tell this story because when I started asking questions I found out that there had been quite a few adoptions. So many in fact that when we took a picture of the whole entire family on bid day, the only ones not in it were the new pledges and about 6 other sisters!

My point is that even if you don't have an official Big Sis, all the sisters are your family now.

But to answer your question, I'd probably do some announcement at meeting and go shopping with your new Big for a set of family letters.

SK Love,
Carolyn

AOIIBrandi · #10 06-16-2002, 11:16 AM

I was adopted after my Big went alum. I consider that I have 2 families bound by me. The family with my first Big and the family with my second Big. With my 1st I was the only Lil. With my 2nd I think there were 2 others so I had twins...I have a Lil and she has 2 GrandBigs a couple of Aunts and so on...

I never felt like I had to give up the other family b/c I was adopted, I was just the only one still active so someone else stepped in. BTW, there were no hard feelings that this was done we were all great friends to begin with, and to prove it both Bigs were in my wedding

hannahgirl · #11 06-16-2002, 03:07 PM

We do adopted bigs also. My big graduated in the Spring of 2000 (i pledged in Fall 99).....My twin pretty much became my big because we were close but she felt that our big and her didn't really connect as much as we had. My big's twin was more my twin's big and so on. Its kind of confusing. Well now, I have also become an adopted big. One of our initiates from Fall 01 didn't connect with her big and her big is now an alumnae. So since I have lost most of my immediate family due to alumnae status (my twin, and two out of my three littles), I decided I would take her because we have a really strong friendship.
I think adopted bigs are a good thing....especially if someone does not feel a connection with their big. Sometimes when that happens, there might be a feeling of unwantedness and that is what pushes people away from their chapter. If they have that other person to rely on, then that decreases the chances of them moving farther away from the chapter.
Its a learning experience that i think everyone at one time will experience throughout their years in their chapter.

cash78mere · #12 06-16-2002, 05:22 PM

i was given a little that i did NOT get along with, so i asked to drop her the day i found out. i was sad about not having a little, but i knew it was for the best since we could never be close.

a few months later, someone from my pledge class dropped and her little, who say next to me at chapter, found out in the middle of the meeting. this was the girl i had wanted to badly as my little to begin with. she was so obviously sad. after the meeting, i went up to her and told her how much i wanted her and would be honored if i could adopt her. she was so happy.

i gave her a paddle and all sorts of gifts. she hung both her paddles up, but considers me her big. the rest of her original family had all either dropped previously or graduated so she was alone.

i am now up to my little-little-little-little-little-little!!!!! was it ever official? no clue! we told the chapter to put it in the records, but who knows if they ever did. after my little, no one else in the family even knows about the adoption. it's not a secret, we just consider ourselves totally real.

we are still great friends to this day!

so the answer is yes you can be adopted. and you should be happy!

#13 06-16-2002, 06:14 PM

Sister-adoptions are nothing new to my chapter!!!

One of my sisters had a really horrible sister-mother. She was MIA for most of her daughter's pledging semester...and she wasn't even there for Initiation Day! I could tell that her daughter was hurt. Her Initiation pillow was there on the table...but no sister mother. The sister mother ended up turning in her Badge and she refuses to say hi to any of us when she sees us around campus.

Because I'm in charge of compiling the family trees (dating back to 1992!), the daughter asked me to acknowledge her adoptive sister mother as her real sister mother because she doesn't want history to reflect the fact that she was literally abandoned.

Honestly, prospective sister-mothers like that don't deserve sister-daughters! But anyway...getting back on topic...

So I guess it depends on the chapter. And it depends on your situation with your first big. In my chapter family tree, I have a bunch of "adopted bys". Some girls are still great friends with their first sister-mothers, even if they may not be in good standing with the Fraternity. I made it clear that it was totally up to them. You are a member of your organization for life, so even if she's not physically active in the organization at this moment, at one point she was. She'll still be your sister whether or not she's in good standing.

But I think it's great that you have a potential adopted big! I totally understand how that bond is important...

Good luck and let us know how things go.

dzrose93 · #14 06-16-2002, 11:29 PM

I adopted my second little sister.

Her original Big Sis graduated and moved away, so she was a little lonely. Since we were close, I offered to adopt her. I got her a new lavaliere made with the date of the "adoption" and my name engraved on the back, and she got us matching sweatshirts with "Big Sis" and "Lil Sis" on the backs.

We exchanged the gifts during a sisterhood event with the entire chapter. It was so much fun!

loveaxo · #15 06-17-2002, 01:35 AM

In our chapter, as soon as your big graduates, one of your big's other littles (if that makes sense) "adopts" you unoffically. My big is graduating this year so one of her other littles will be my adopted big sis.
No one can ever replace my big sis, she and I are very close, but my adopted big will be there for me until she graduates if I ever need anything and I will probably grow closer to her over this next year. The adopted big program is not offical or anything, but it helps us to continue to grow close to older girls so that we have strong alumni.

Lauren
Alpha Chi Omega
"Together Let Us Seek The Heights!"