Sister holding wedding a secret

TxSorGal · #1 05-31-2002, 02:20 AM

I am a GC user under a new name in order to remain anonymous.

So I am watching the evening news and I see one of my sorority sisters and her what-I-thought-was fiancee. Apparently, he is now her husband. They recently found out that he would be sent to Afghanistan. They decided to rush the wedding so that they could marry before he left. They were engaged in March and we all thought we'd be there on her wedding day. We were there for her engagement. Many of us would have gone to the wedding; we would have rearranged our schedules to be there. It was a very special day for her, I am sure.

She has not told most of our sisters about the wedding. Granted, she does not have to, but she decided to tell the whole city via the evening news, but decided not to contact her sisters and tell them about the wedding. Because of this many of us are hurt. In fact, several of our sisters have talked to her on the phone since the wedding, but she still won't mention the wedding to them.

We do not know what to do, whether we should approach her or wait until she tells us. We do not know what to tell her, whether to congratulate her or not since it was a super-rushed wedding.

What would you all do/feel if you were in this situation?

Peaches-n-Cream · #2 05-31-2002, 02:35 AM

I think that you should not say anything about the wedding until she tells you. They probably rushed the wedding because of his military service in Afghanistan in case the unthinkable happens. She might want to have another wedding with family and friends and her sorority sisters when he returns. Please try not to feel insulted or hurt by her actions. Many people heading off to war marry their sweethearts under less than ideal circumstances and without their loved ones.

aephi alum · #3 05-31-2002, 09:08 AM

I think Cream's got it right... they probably just ran over to the local justice of the peace or member of the clergy, so that if the worst happens, they would at least have had some time as husband and wife. They are, more than likely, planning to have a "full" wedding with all the frills when he returns.

If she knew the story was going to be on the news, she should have given her closest friends a heads up... but she chose not to, for whatever reason. She is probably just upset and not thinking straight. I wouldn't hold it against her.

Hoping he comes home safe.

CutiePie2000 · #4 06-01-2002, 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum

I think Cream's got it right... they probably just ran over to the local justice of the peace or member of the clergy, so that if the worst happens, they would at least have had some time as husband and wife. They are, more than likely, planning to have a "full" wedding with all the frills when he returns.
I wanted to chime in as well, that I think the ladies here have got it right. They may have been forced to marry quite quickly, as he was going to be deployed overseas.

If she knew the story was going to be on the news, she should have given her closest friends a heads up... but she chose not to, for whatever reason. She is probably just upset and not thinking straight. I wouldn't hold it against her.
She may not have necessarily known it was going to be on the news, or given the circumstances, her first priority was seeing him as much as possible until the moment when he left. So she might not have been concerned about anything else at that moment. While you are probably disappointed (and a bit hurt, perhaps?) about not being able to witness her wedding, try not to take it personally or as an afront to you...I am sure that she did not intend to hurt you at all. And if anything, with her new husband being sent away to a very dangerous part of the world, your friend needs your love and support around her more than ever. Hopefully he will be returning safely and you will witness many more wonderful moments of their marriage.

Good Luck and please let us know if anything else develops with this situation.

dzsaigirl · #5 06-01-2002, 10:15 AM

There is no reason to feel betrayed or bitter about your sister not telling you all first. I am sure she has a good reason or even wants to tell you all as a group. I think that everyone should take the opportunity to celebrate her marriage and be happy for her, especially considering the fact that she is probably really stressed out with him leaving and having to fear for his life.

APhiRattlerGal · #6 06-09-2002, 12:17 AM

I wouldnt take it personally. One of my sisters was in the exact same situation. It was a very hard time for her and she had to do everything 1000 times faster in planning the wedding. I'm sure she wasnt aware that two reporters werent going to be there. Her sister might have gotten that idea to call the news stations and invite them over. In my case I didnt know the time of the wedding until late the night before and i'm considered pretty close to her.

Its understandable if you are upset, i think i would be too. But put yourself in her shoes. She's going to have to let go of the man she loves for a long period of time while he goes out there to protect himself, her, and the rest of our nation (including you). If i were her, i wouldnt be able to think straight. I know i'd be a mess and I would want to do everything i could to spend every waking minute with him.

Try to understand that she is dealing with a lot and I'm sure there will be another wedding in which everyone she loves will be there.

KillarneyRose · #7 06-09-2002, 02:06 AM

I am going to differ with the other ladies who replied, although their advice definitely made sense.

I think that you should call her up and tell her you know and then ask if there is anything you or your sisters can do for her.

Rather than experiencing all the elation and happiness that comes with being a newlywed, I guarantee that she is going through a very rough situation right now. Obviously, worrying about her husband is topping the worry-list, but I'm sure she also feels guilty about not letting the people she cares about in on her secret.

The upcoming months are going to be so hard for her and now, more than ever, she needs her sisters.

Take the first step, and let her know that you're all there for her.

TxSorGal · #8 06-09-2002, 03:21 AM

Thank you all so very much for your advice. I have not spoken to my sister since before I posted; however, I do intend on getting in contact with her soon. I think I will take KRose's advice for now. Again, thank you all.

lovetobeaphi · #9 06-13-2002, 04:00 PM

YOU HAVE TO EXCUSE ME IF AM YELLING, BUT I AM A LITTLE BIT UPSET!! I HAPPEN TO THE "RUSHED BRIDE"!! I DO NOT KNOW WHO POSTED THIS THREAD, BUT IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ONE OF MY SISTERS! MY SISTERS WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY I COULD NOT CALL EACH ONE PERSONALLY AND INVITE THEM TO MY WEDDING. HMM, MAYBE IT IS BEACAUSE I HAD TO PLAN IT IN THREE DAYS? OR THAT MY HUSBAND WAS GOING TO LEAVE THREE DAYS AFTER THAT? OR THE FACT THAT I WAS STRESSING ENOUGH WITH MY CHURCH ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BY A PRIEST???
My husband found out on the 19th about his chance of being deployed, and on the 22 it was confirmed on the 23rd we picked up our marriage license and went to meet with my priest. Thankfuly I had a beautiful church wedding with a reception following with about 15 of my sisters in attendance, inc. alumni, along with about 100 other people. NONE of which I personally invited!! My big sis and my two little sis' did as good a job as possible letting everyone know, but in three days, it was kind of hard. I was blessed with large, loving family and in-laws, who put together a day that my husband and i will never forget! Whoever posted the thread was sadly mistaken by writing that "several sisters have spoken to me since then!!" i have recieved phone calls from few sisters. And those who know me, know that I would not keep anything a secret, why would I want to i finally married the man i love. and thanks to my biological sister, the whole city of san antonio, tx knows. I would say i was sorry to txsorgal, but i think she should apologize to me. i have had enough stress these last two weeks, without getting a worried call from a "true sister" to tell me i was being blasted on the internet! I will apologize to those sisters who could not make it to my wedding, i would have loved for everyone to be there. and for those of you who replied to the thread and spoke for me, i thank you. Anyone who has ever been apart of the military understands the paperwork involved when you become a dependent and your sponsor is going overseas. I love all of my sisters, and would give anything to have had the wedding my husband and i wanted, but all that matters is that we joined as one in our catholic church and no matter where he goes, he will always be apart of me.

CutiePie2000 · #10 06-13-2002, 09:39 PM

I really hope that you two will work this out. It sounds to me that there was miscommunication and misunderstandings, and through these gaps, things were misunderstood, people were hurt.

APhiRattlerGal · #11 06-13-2002, 10:32 PM

Perhaps telling her how you felt initially might've made her not mad