Give me a sign....

justhey76 · #1 05-30-2002, 12:02 PM

Ok, this is something that has been bothering me lately about rush. How do you know if a house likes you? I know that the chapters try to be nice and sweet to everyone, so how can you tell if a house actually likes you? I don’t want to just be in love with this house, and just assume that they think I'm the greatest little pnm EVER because they were really sweet to me at the parties, only to find out they hated my guts and totally didn’t think I would fit in with their chapter at all. At the same time, I would hate to drop a house bc I thought they didn’t like me that actually loved me, and I thought I liked too. Does that make sense? I know you cant TELL a girl that she’s going to get a bid or anything like that, but is there some clue, like, the sisters are just getting excited at t he chance of you being a new member or something? Are there ANY clues you can look for (without it being considered dirty rushing) that will help you make the right decisions when listing your chapter choices each night when it comes to bid matching? Like I said, I don’t want to release a house that I liked, or keep a house that doesn’t want me at pref.

jess_pom · #2 05-30-2002, 02:51 PM

You should be able to tell if you will fit with another group of girls. If it seems like they are stretching to make conversation, or they keep telling you that they like your shoes, shirt, whatever, then you might want to think long and hard about that sorority. I really don't know what else to say, I felt a sudden "click" with my sorority, and I knew that that was where I belonged. You should never feel uncomfortable in a party and if your face hurts from a fake smile, then its probably not right. However, if you can relax and have a good time, then take that into consideration! Good luck!

ZTAngel · #3 05-30-2002, 03:03 PM

I knew that they did when I could sit there and have just a normal conversation with the girl that was rushing me. Instead of questions like, "What's your major?" or "Where are you from?" we'd all the sudden realize that for fifteen minutes were talking about random things like toys we had when were little or embarrassing moments we had. You'll know when you've been talking to a girl for a while without any awkward silences.

Glitter650 · #4 05-30-2002, 03:06 PM

Like Jess said.. (who just happens to be a sister of mine from another chapter..) if you feel they are stretching conversation... or whatever... it's probably not the place for you. Also remember... it's not that they hate you !!! they may think you're a nice girl, but that you'd fit in better else where for whatever reason... it has nothing to do with not liking you. I still hang out with one of the girls I met during rush whom we didn't bid. Also... since you really can't tell FOR SURE if a soror is going to give you a bid, (remember,they don't really know either until the matching after pref is all finished...) so the best advice I can give you is go with your gut and just put down the chapters that you feel comfortable with w/o consideration of whether or not you think they are going to take you. You kinda just have to trust everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to in the end.

twinstars · #5 05-30-2002, 06:33 PM

I'll be perfectly honest... if the rushers are doing their job well, they will be nice and sweet to every single girl who comes in the door, whether she is a top favorite or someone who will likely not be invited back to the next round. We want every girl to leave the party with a positive opinion of our house, and ideally, wanting to be in our house. Even if we don't totally love a rushee, we still want to be nice to her and get her to like us, since there's a good chance she has friends we're interested in. The last thing we'd want is for her to tell all her friends back in the dorms that we were rude or unfriendly to her, and have those friends cut us based on her opinion. The only surefire way to know that a house really likes you is that you keep being invited back to the next rounds of rush. Of course, it could always be the case that if you are cut from a house, they really DID like you, but they just liked other rushees more. Don't take your cuts personally (almost no one goes through rush week being cut by no house), and think extra hard about the hosues that DO invite you back... that's them saying that they are interested in you and want to get to know you better. And any house that invites you to pref night knows that you could potentially be in their pledge class... so if you're even invited, you can be sure they like you. That's not to say that you'll get your 1st choice house for sure... because even if they like you, they could like other people more.

SATX*APhi · #6 05-31-2002, 12:26 AM

When they say, "I can REALLY see you as my sister."

Using this tells the PNM that the house is interested in you. They are also wanting to see what your reaction is so that they can tell if you are interested in them as well.

aggieAXO · #7 05-31-2002, 01:28 AM

Do not always go on statements like this b/c I know of sororities at A&M that will say this (or at least they did) and ended up cutting that person the next day. Be weary of statments like this especially if your school is very competitive. In my opinion you do not truly know until you get to pref. night and even then it does not necessarily mean you will get a bid. One sign I did have that I thought was a good one was when they introduced me to the chapter president-not every PNM gets introduced to the president at my school b/c there are so many.

Quote:

Originally posted by SATX*APhi
When they say, "I can REALLY see you as my sister."

Using this tells the PNM that the house is interested in you. They are also wanting to see what your reaction is so that they can tell if you are interested in them as well.

justhey76 · #8 05-31-2002, 09:57 AM

Hey. Thanks for all the tips. I talked to a girl that goes to my school and is involved in hte greek system there today and she said something like this (im not sure if it makes sense though): If the sister who is "rushing" you (walking you through the party??) takes you to meet another sister/PNM pair, and introduces you to the other PNM, it is likely becase they like both PNM's and they want them to like each other too, so that they will want to be sisters and in that house, otherwise, they will try to stick to intorducing the PNM to other sisters in the house who dont have a PNM to take around. Seem true?

LeslieAGD · #9 05-31-2002, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by justhey76
If the sister who is "rushing" you takes you to meet another sister/PNM pair, and introduces you to the other PNM, it is likely becase they like both PNM's and they want them to like each other too, so that they will want to be sisters and in that house, otherwise, they will try to stick to intorducing the PNM to other sisters in the house who dont have a PNM to take around. Seem true?

I don't necessarily think this is true at all. I was never introduced to any other PNMs during parties when I went though Recruitment. I think a positive sign would be when you're talking to Sister A and she says something like, "Wow, you're a diver? I have to introduce you to Sister B...she was captain of her high school swim team!" It shows that Sister A not only wants you to meet other members, but she wants you to find something in common.

jess_pom · #10 05-31-2002, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SATX*APhi
When they say, "I can REALLY see you as my sister."

Using this tells the PNM that the house is interested in you. They are also wanting to see what your reaction is so that they can tell if you are interested in them as well.

If you are going through formal recruitment and someone says this to a pnm, isn't it usually considered dirty rushing? It's kind of like bid promising...

Just wondering

FuzzieAlum · #11 05-31-2002, 11:36 AM

Well, at my school, saying, "I hope I see you tomorrow," (not speaking for the sorority, just for yourself!) was considered dirty rushing. I don't know how it is other places. So just because they don't say something like this doesn't mean they don't want you.

Also, different chapters use different "rotation" methods - the way you get around to meet different girls at most of the parties. Some methods don't let you use discretion in who you introduce rushees to - you just introduce them to the next person in order.

What I guess I'm saying is there is no formula, no secret phrase or behavior you can use to tell if they want you. And even if you really feel one sister loves you, that doesn't mean the rest of her chapter feels the same. All you can go on is, of course, whether they invite you back, and how comfortable you feel there. Not because you aspire to be like that group of women, but because you are already at home there. If you feel that way with most of them, chances are they feel it with you, too.

ZTAngel · #12 05-31-2002, 12:16 PM

I think we all have given great advice. But, I have some more to add.
The way you tell if they like you....
Go with your instinct. When you meet a person, you can usually tell whether they like you or not, right? It's the same with sorority rush. Yes, the girl will be friendly no matter what but look at her body language and the tone of her voice. Follow your instinct. Did she seem excited to talk to you? Did she seem like she was being fake-excited? You get my drift.

GreekGuide · #13 05-31-2002, 12:27 PM

Rush can be extremely stressful for both the chapter and the PNM. A lot of very tough decisions have to be made, and sometimes, yes, the right girl gets let go. When I was an undergrad, we had over 1,000 women go through rush and quota was in the neighborhood of 50 and capped at around 55. For 15 chapters, that meant that about 250 women wouldn't get bids or drop out of rush.

I agree with the previous posts about meeting officers. I was in love with a chapter where I got introduced to the President, the Leadership consultant who was in town and three or four sisters. I got cut the 2nd day. I was really shocked.

At the time, I don't think it was considered a rush infraction, but from about the 2nd day until Pref night, my chapter kept telling me that I would really fit in at AGD. Things just felt right there. It was ironic that each day that chapter was the last party of the day. So, it was a bit more laid back and comforting.

Back then and today, it still is considered an infraction to say anything along the lines of "See you tomorrow, See ya, Hope to see you tomorrow, etc."

I think every comment the women make you need to take with a grain of salt. In large chapters, you are only getting the breadth, not the depth of the sisters' personalities. Sometimes for whatever reason, you just didn't get to meet enough or the right people and you get cut. It happens. Not because of anything malicious, catty, fake or bitchy.....just because. And yes, sometimes the chapter realizes later that the wrong girl squeaked through. It's crappy, but mistakes happen. The system isn't perfect.

It is the chapter's loss, but in most cases there is not one chapter but many where you will fit in.

SigmaKappaKelly · #14 05-31-2002, 01:46 PM

One thing that is a good sign a long with really clicking with a girl is if they take you around to meet a lot of other girls, rule number one if you like a girl is to introduce her to as many sisters as possible. This is easier to catch on to if it is COB (Continuous open bidding) where you dont have any confusing bump groups. Besides just go with your heart on your decisions, if you rank them how you liked them, the house will do the rest, if it's mutual it's meant to be. Just dont make your decision on how well you think they liked you. One day you may get a really boring girl and the next you'll get 5 great girls! There are girls that you'll naturally love and those that it takes a little longer in every house, just pick the one with the most!!!! Happy Rushing

In Sigma,
Kelly
Oh and ALWAYS remember that chapters differ from campus to campus and the stereotype you may have heard could be totally opposite!

GreekGuide · #15 05-31-2002, 02:04 PM

SigKapKel,
I totally agree. It's the same in the real world. When you meet someone and you click with them, you just know you will be friends.

We used to be told to ask ourselves if we could imagine brushing our teeth next to these women.

You just have to pay attention to whole picture and find your groove.

Chapters are very different from campus to campus, but also from year to year. If you went through rush five years from now at the same school, you might pick a different chapter all together.

Good luck and remember, everything works out in the end!