woman vs man
Women:
Take off clothes and place in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights, darks, whites, man-made or natural.
Walk to bathroom wearing dressing gown. If husband seen along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out tummy, complain about getting fat.
Get in shower, look for facecloth, arm cloth, loin cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with cucumber and lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with
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cucumber and lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner and enhanced natural crocus oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.
Shave armpits and legs, consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Mr Muscle.
Get out of shower, dry with clean fluffy towel.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for remotest signs of spots, attack with nails/tweezers (if you can find them).
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and half getting dressed.
Men:
Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to bathroom, if wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting, whey hey.
Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.
Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.
Get in shower.
Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Laugh at how loud farts sound in shower.
Wash bollocks and surrounding area.
Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.
Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo, pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
Piss in shower.
Rinse off and get out of shower, fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.
Leave bathroom light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel round waist, if you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go, 'Yeah baby' and thrust pelvis at her.
Put on yesterday's clothes.
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