How old is too old?

KarenC725 · #1 05-29-2002, 03:25 PM

We were having this discussion at lunch today. What is the biggest age difference that is acceptable in dating? For instance, is 19 and 26 not acceptable but if it was 32 and 25 would it be?

#2 05-29-2002, 03:41 PM

I think it depends on the people involved... I've had as much as a 9 year difference between myself and people I've dated (beginning at 19 and 28) and my ex-fiancee and I have 6 years between us.

Personally, I feel most comfortable with about a 4 or 5 year age difference...but really, it does depend on the person.

Jeff OTMG · #3 05-29-2002, 04:06 PM

I think that you should look at it as a percentage rather than a fixed number of years.

For example:
A 10 year difference.
If an 80 year old is 'courting' a 70-90 year old, it isn't so bad, but if a 25 year old is hitting on a 15 year old, then there is a problem.

Now if you take 10% as an example.
An 80 year old would date a 72-88 year old and a 25 year old would be dating a 22.5-27.5.

KarenC725 · #4 05-29-2002, 04:21 PM

For the record, I don't think someone who is 26 should date a 19 year old. The social aspects of their lives alone would be a barrier. Theoretically, that 19 year old could still be in high school or just out.

SigmaChiCard · #5 05-29-2002, 04:31 PM

I like Jeff's approach...though I've never thought about it...mathematically it fits the range I've always deemed 'normal'

#6 05-29-2002, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KarenC725
For the record, I don't think someone who is 26 should date a 19 year old. The social aspects of their lives alone would be a barrier. Theoretically, that 19 year old could still be in high school or just out.

Or they could be a junior in college, like I was

XOAlumXO · #7 05-29-2002, 05:00 PM

I think it just all depends on the people involved. My real little sister is turning 22 and has been dating the same guy for 2 years, and he is 34. They're just both on the same wavelength. The age difference seems huge- but it works for them and my family loves him. He treats her right and she's very happy.

RubberSoul · #8 05-30-2002, 08:44 PM

I don't have a problem with age differences once the younger party is over 21......yet I still find something suspicious about a 35 year-old who wants to date a 22 year-old. Unless she is extremely wordly and mature (or he is extremely UNwordly and IMmature) what on earth are they going to have in common? Generally in those situations the girl is getting used as arm candy/sex/etc. That said, I am 30 and if I were to get divorced I would probably gravitate towards a man 10-15 years my senior. I think older men are sexy. I also could see myself at 50 with a 30 year-old boy toy. But that's just me. I can also see myself at 50 with lipo, a boob job and a facelift.

SATX*APhi · #9 05-30-2002, 11:57 PM

I am 20 and was seeing a 28 year old. He's a doctor, very professional in nature, and we didn't have much in common, seeing as how I do like to have some fun. I guess I do not need to say that it didn't last very long.

Age really doesn't matter. It all depends on where each individual is in their life. With that guy and I, I am still in college looking to see what I want to do with my life. He's graduated and is a doctor. He is ready to settle down and start a family, unlike me.

Like I said, it just all depends on where the two individuals are in their life.

deltaphi94 · #10 05-31-2002, 12:53 AM

Age doesn't matter, as long as the parties involved are of legal age.

My husband and I have nearly 21 years between us, and we are very happily married. What matters is how well two people work together, communitaction, trust, understanding... all the basics.

lifesaver · #11 05-31-2002, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by deltaphi94
Age doesn't matter, as long as the parties involved are of legal age.

My husband and I have nearly 21 years between us, and we are very happily married. What matters is how well two people work together, communitaction, trust, understanding... all the basics.

Dating is one thing, marrage is another. As long as everyone is happy, thats all that matters.

There is 17 years between my parents.

One thing for everyone to consider tho is the effect it has on the kids. Of course, I would be happy with two parents who love me, as anyone would, as a kid it sucked having a parent who was significantly older. My dad was in his 50's when I was born, and he didnt survive to see me finish my senior year. Both my sister and I feel we were a bit robbed, that because he chose to start his family life so late, he wont be around to see our kids and stuff. He never saw me graduate HS, go to college, go greek, graduate college, or start a family. So when a lot of people talk about how its ok to have a carrear and start a family later in life, its easy for them to do it because most often their parents were in their 20's or 30's when they were born. Its easy to talk a good game untill you live it.

Just my 2 cents....

deltaphi94 · #12 05-31-2002, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lifesaver

Dating is one thing, marrage is another. As long as everyone is happy, thats all that matters.

There is 17 years between my parents.

One thing for everyone to consider tho is the effect it has on the kids. Of course, I would be happy with two parents who love me, as anyone would, as a kid it sucked having a parent who was significantly older. My dad was in his 50's when I was born, and he didnt survive to see me finish my senior year. Both my sister and I feel we were a bit robbed, that because he chose to start his family life so late, he wont be around to see our kids and stuff. He never saw me graduate HS, go to college, go greek, graduate college, or start a family. So when a lot of people talk about how its ok to have a carrear and start a family later in life, its easy for them to do it because most often their parents were in their 20's or 30's when they were born. Its easy to talk a good game untill you live it.

Just my 2 cents....

I'm so sorry.

I see your point. I have a 3 year old from my previous marriage, and he calls my husband daddy. It's frightening to think of all the things that could be missed, but there is also no gaurantee that marriage within the same age range would mean both parents will still be alive to see all those things. My brothers' father passed away in his 20's, so my mom was left with 3 young children to raise by the time she was 23.

James · #13 05-31-2002, 08:59 PM

Life . .. for whats its worth, you should be comforted to know he didn't do it on purpose.

Quote:

Originally posted by lifesaver

Dating is one thing, marrage is another. As long as everyone is happy, thats all that matters.

There is 17 years between my parents.

One thing for everyone to consider tho is the effect it has on the kids. Of course, I would be happy with two parents who love me, as anyone would, as a kid it sucked having a parent who was significantly older. My dad was in his 50's when I was born, and he didnt survive to see me finish my senior year. Both my sister and I feel we were a bit robbed, that because he chose to start his family life so late, he wont be around to see our kids and stuff. He never saw me graduate HS, go to college, go greek, graduate college, or start a family. So when a lot of people talk about how its ok to have a carrear and start a family later in life, its easy for them to do it because most often their parents were in their 20's or 30's when they were born. Its easy to talk a good game untill you live it.

Just my 2 cents....

lifesaver · #14 05-31-2002, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Life . .. for whats its worth, you should be comforted to know he didn't do it on purpose.

No, i understand, and I have made peace with it. I just bring it up because todays "career families" choose to put off having kids for whatever reason, and always seem to gloss over the age factor and the effect it will have on the kids. it does have an effect. I know. there are others on this board who were in the same position and know too. I just wish people would pay it due consideration, thats all. Of course I know there are no gurantees in this life, and none of us know how long we have here...

aggieAXO · #15 05-31-2002, 11:39 PM

I understand what you mean. My dad was 48 when I was born (mom was 37) and having a parent that was older was different in many respects than my other friends. I swore I would never have kids if I were over 30 but I am 30 and still not sure if I want them but maybe. It will be a very difficult decision for me b/c I don't want my children to resent me for being an older parent (though it may be the norm by then). My father is in assissted living, my mother is starting to show her age (having multiple problems) and I am only 30 and having to deal with alot of pressure that most people don't deal with until they are in their 50's or 60's and usually more stable in their life. I guess that sounds selfish and maybe it is but I am wondering how I am going to pay for my father if he is forced to go into a nursing home (they are pretty damn expensive and he was denied long term care b/c of his medical problems). ok got off topic but something just to consider.

Quote:

Originally posted by lifesaver

No, i understand, and I have made peace with it. I just bring it up because todays "career families" choose to put off having kids for whatever reason, and always seem to gloss over the age factor and the effect it will have on the kids. it does have an effect. I know. there are others on this board who were in the same position and know too. I just wish people would pay it due consideration, thats all. Of course I know there are no gurantees in this life, and none of us know how long we have here...