Wedding Photo Insult (or not)?

87azdalum · #1 04-16-2002, 02:37 PM

I've kind of got my feelings hurt and had to vent somewhere no one would know my family ('cept you, volgirl!). My sister-in-law (hubby's sis) is getting married on the 27th. She's the last sibling to marry for the first time, and there are seven siblings.

My in-laws had a family portrait made in the '70s that included mom, dad, all seven children, and one sister's boyfriend. That portrait has hung over the dining room china cabinet for decades. Since then, the sister and boyfriend have married and divorced. So, mom and dad decided it was time for a new family portrait, since the sister was dating someone new (a complete a** who was offended by the ex-husband being in the 20+ year old family photo and mentioned it at Christmas time).

So, my husband and I (we've been married five years this April 5th) were told that he and our two children need to be at the church on the wedding day for family photos with the bride and groom at 1 p.m. Apparently, the family is including mom and dad, siblings and their grandchildren, but no daughter or son-in-laws. This is where I get offended. If it were just the parents and their seven kids, I have no problem. But, include my husband and my children, and not me?!? I think that's erring too far on the side of caution. My husband and I aren't having any marital problems, but I feel like I (and the two other -in laws) am being excluded in the event my husband and I divorce in the future. For the record, my wedding pictures include three exes (two ex husbands and one ex boyfriend).

I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to make problems for the bride. Am I being too sensitive? Has anyone ever heard of this before?

Thanks for listening to my vent!

Hootie · #2 04-16-2002, 02:45 PM

Ouch! That is sorta rude! I mean even if anyone were to get divorced, they were once part of the family and the father/mother of the grandchildren that will ALWAYS be a part of the family. It's hard to say if you should say something or not. I can't imagine what sort of rumors woulf fly if you confided in a sister-in-law or brother-in-law that was being left out also.
What does your husband think? Is he okay with this...does he think it's odd...does he take your side? I'd talk with him first and mention it.
Hootie

LeslieAGD · #3 04-16-2002, 02:50 PM

IMO, if they were only including your husband, that would be fine, but to include your kids and tell you to stand aside is VERY rude!

87azdalum · #4 04-16-2002, 02:53 PM

Follow up, my husband's first inclination was to say "It's either all of us or none of us!" I really don't want to make a big deal because it's been a troubled family the last few weeks and one of the bridesmaid's dyed magenta streaks in her hair and refuses to cover them for the wedding. But that's another story!

juniorgrrl · #5 04-16-2002, 03:05 PM

Maybe they could do 2 pictures? One with all the "blood" relatives and one with all the children and their spouses/SOs?

SATX*APhi · #6 04-16-2002, 03:07 PM

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

It is rather rude to ask that your husband and children be in the photographs, and exclude you. You are a part of the the family and are being treated as if you are not a part of it. In a way I agree with what your husband said, "It's either all of us or none of us!" but I think saying that would cause some problems. If that is how your husband feels, I would ask him to speak to the family and say that he does not think it is right that you and the other in-laws are excluded. If they are just ugly about it, then that is when I would say, "It's either all of us or none of us!" But if they are kind of "eh" about it and look like they are willing to think about it, then I wouldn't say, "It's either all of us or none of us!" That might just rub them the wrong way.

Good luck!

LeslieAGD · #7 04-16-2002, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juniorgrrl
Maybe they could do 2 pictures? One with all the "blood" relatives and one with all the children and their spouses/SOs?

This seems like a very fair compromise.

Tom Earp · #8 04-16-2002, 04:43 PM

God do I know the feeling!!!!!

I was Best man at my Brothers wedding in Dallas, drove from Pittsburg for it!

I was not invited to the Wedding dinner as not enuff room for Me and My then wife!

My parents did not know until many years later! Damn were they mad! They just thought I did not want to go!

I felt very slighted when I found out!

You are being snubbed by some semi arisocratic asses and I for one would let them know about it! Talk to your Hubby and tell him how you really feel about this! If he does not back you on this, HE is WRONG!

Periwinkle · #9 04-16-2002, 04:50 PM

I would be upset, too! However, I wouldn't make too big a fuss over it. With your mother-in-law in the middle, it seems like one of those issues where she wants it her way. If you're gonna raise a fracas about something, I wouldn't pick this one. On the other hand, this may be symptomatic of something else that may brew with her in the future. I would talk to your hubby about it and let him know your feelings.

FuzzieAlum · #10 04-16-2002, 05:35 PM

I don't see that this is such a big deal. They have the right to include whoever they want in the photo - and in this case, they're only doing blood relatives. Now maybe it's insensitive, and maybe it would be nice to also take a shot with hubbies and wives too, but I don't see that they are "obligated" to. I do think it would be rude if they included some spouses and not others, if it seemed capricious or arbitrary, but it's not.

CutiePie2000 · #11 04-16-2002, 05:42 PM

I would probably be insulted, but then again, I guess these people can decide who they want or do not want in the photo, but then again, your husband could stand firm and say whether or not *he* will appear in the photo.

Can you get an additional photo done with you in there too, that you and your husband can buy for yourselves? It sounds like getting 2 sets of photos done is the only way that everyone will end up with a "version" of the photo that they like.

I think these people are being rude, and not allowing someone in the photo "in case" the marriage does not last is about as rude as you can get!

gphi2k · #12 04-16-2002, 05:52 PM

I undersatand why you would feel badly about it. They second they include your own flesh and blood, your children, then it is completely rude to not include you. I can understand them wanting a photo of blood relatives. That's fine. Then just have mom, dad, grand parents, aunts, uncles and children. How could that NOT make you feel insulted?

I agree that it's their picture and they can pick who ever they want to be in it. But to exclude someone who is a member of the family, by law, blood or not blood, is just plain bad taste and mean. I guess you have to decide how much it bothers you. My guess is your husband isn't so happy about it either and would really be stuck between a rock and a hard place if it was pushed. That's not to say it shouldn't be. It really depends on how much it bothers you.

If anyone watches Everybody Loves Raymond (which I only started watching recently), there was an episode about this exact same thing. Wish I could remember how it ends! Amazing how art imitates life....

Tom Earp · #13 04-16-2002, 06:05 PM

OH forgot to add, everytime my Brother got married his old wives Pix was taken off of the Wall and the new one was put up!

The only ones that staid the same were Mom, Dad and Sam our Pet Dog! He had to have his Pix up there as he was the one family and smarter at least than my Brother ( 4 ex's )! 3 in Texas and 1 in So. Ark! Me only once! First time is an experience, teh second is stupidity! If more than that hell, comit sucicide!

justamom · #14 04-16-2002, 06:55 PM

I don't see it as such a big deal either. It's considered a "generation" photo. It IS bloodline. I've seen it done many times. However, if your Hubby wants ALL of you in the picture, he can tell them to ask the photographer if he has the equipement (and skill) to air brush former mates out of the picture ifthe future should deem it necessary. This is done too.

I also agree with the concept that this is a moment in time and a photo reflects that moment.

...but honestly-if there was a divorce, who wants to look at the ex?
On the OTHER hand-this photo will most likely end up in the hands of YOUR children-perhaps Mom-in-law should consider that as well!

bucutie02 · #15 04-16-2002, 09:42 PM

I think it is extremely rude for them to exclude you from the picture but allow your husband and kids!

I think its RUDER if they dont want you in the pic. because of maybe a future divorce!!!

I am sorry, but that is just stupid, oh wait, i've got an idea.....
why dont they also exclude the groom because you never know, they might get a divorce later on and you wouldnt want a pic of your wedding with your ex-husband now would you????

Family is family, and its just disturbing if they have this wall up because you arent a blood relative. I would understand an immediate family pic, like mom, dad and the kids but its a completely different thing when they allow the kids but not the spouses.