i am horrible...what should i do?

sarahDG · #1 06-09-2002, 03:02 PM

hi--
i have a problem. i lie. i cheat. i steal. i have a problem, and it is out my control. i have started to get help and will be getting intensive treatment, but i have another problem.
i don't know what this means in term of my sorority. i love my sorority. it is my life. i ma fully involved and always wearing something supporting my chapter. in light of recent events, and the fact that i have hurt a couple members of my chapter, i don't know what to do.
i believe i am a disgrace to my chapter. i have already removed my lavalier and limited my contact to the women of my chapter (which has been incredibly hard considering they are normally whom i turn to). i have been forced to move in with a guy friend of mine and rely on his support because i don't know where else to turn.
i emailed my president and my vp social standards about what has been going on, and i am waiting for their response.
i am just at a loss here and really don't know what to do.
i never realized how much my chapter and the fine women in it meant to me until now...when i don't have them.

#2 06-09-2002, 03:39 PM

Sarah, everything that you have stated in your post is what you should tell your sisters, the people you have hurt by your actions. You are proving yourself to be a true sister by admitting your wrongs and trying to get help for them. Sometimes the way for us to learn a lesson is to have something important taken away from us. Just remember that sometimes no matter what, some sisters will be there for you always. Keep your head up and keep the treatments up

RUgreek · #3 06-09-2002, 03:40 PM

sarahDG,

From the sound of it, it looks like you've already taken the proper steps to help yourself. I guess now that it is out in the open with the people you care about, you'll see who you're true friends are and how the sorority treats those that need help. It's going to be a real test for them and you. Don't worry and good luck!

- RUgreek

sarahDG · #4 06-09-2002, 04:17 PM

thanks guys...i don't deserve it, but thanks

Peaches-n-Cream · #5 06-09-2002, 05:02 PM

I don't know the specifics here, but I have suggestions. You admit that you have problems and are getting help which is the first step. I think that apologizing to the people you have hurt individually and to your chapter as a whole is another important move. College is a time of learning and growth and part of that is making mistakes. If you show them that you are trying to repair the damage that you have done, your sorority sisters should stand by you.

Sarah, I recommend that you keep working on it. They will see the changes in you as you rebuild your character and reputation. Also remember to forgive yourself. Sometimes guilt and regret can cause people to return to old ways of doing things so let yourself off the hook. It drains you of energy that can be better spent repairing relationships and most importantly yourself.

KillarneyRose · #6 06-09-2002, 05:07 PM

You have recognized that you have a problem and have taken steps to fix that. I think you have already done the hardest thing. Best of luck to you, Sarah!

RubberSoul · #7 06-09-2002, 05:56 PM

Sarah, if you were a horrible person you would not recognize that you have a problem and you would just continue to live in the manner you were living. If you were a horrible person you would not respect your chapter and your sisters enough to try and step back during this difficult time. Obviously some horrible behavior has occurred......but this does not mean that YOU are horrible. Part of your therapy will probably be recognizing the fact that you are a good person and then living up to it. I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything turns out as you want it.

CutiePie2000 · #8 06-09-2002, 06:24 PM

Sarah,
You've already taken some big steps...admitting that you have a problem, seeking help for it and trying to conquer it. You are not a horrible person, it just sounds like some of the behaviors that you have done have hurt people, and you feel remorse for it. Believe me, a truly horrible person would be remorseless, so you are NOT a horrible person.

And I echo everything that everyone has written, there are some pretty wise and terrific people on this board, Cream in her infinite wisdom wrote:
I think that apologizing to the people you have hurt individually and to your chapter as a whole is another important move. College is a time of learning and growth and part of that is making mistakes. If you show them that you are trying to repair the damage that you have done, your sorority sisters should stand by you.

Seek help and don't beat yourself up...you DO DESERVE commendation for seeking help, and remember the objects of Delta Gamma:
-the objects of this Fraternity shall be to foster high ideals of friendship among college women, to promote their educational and cultural interests, to create a true sense of social responsibility, and to develop in them the best qualities of character

Hang in there...you can DO IT!

fire1977 · #9 06-09-2002, 07:13 PM

Sarah,
I pm'd you

sarahDG · #10 06-10-2002, 11:44 AM

i never thought that the people on greek chat woul;d be more supportive than my own chapter. i am meeting with my standards tonight, and to be honest, i am now not only going to talk about whether i have to deactivate, rather if maybe i want to. i am so completely alone. i am sitting here, alone in a computer lab, typing to a bunch of people i don't know....why? well, because i really have no other option. i haven't hurt any of you, so i feel that it's ok for me to talk to you. i haven't lied to you, so it's not like i've tricked you in any way. i have resorted to looking up suicide hotlines on the internet...because i don't know what else to do. yesterday, after i read all of your posts, i drafted an email to my chapter....telling them what was going on and quoting some of you. i was going to ask them what they thought, and tell them i am sorry that i didn't trust them enough to trust them. but now i am beyond that. i really don't know what to do. thank goodness for all you. thank you

RUgreek · #11 06-10-2002, 12:08 PM

Sarah,

I can't say this more simply than shit happens to all of us. I, like the rest of everyone here, may not know the specific circumstances of what went on, but I can assure you it is something you can handle and you will get through it. Sometimes people, like myself, don't have the courage to speak out and ask for advice and end up with all this guilt inside. You've already shown more courage and strength by reaching out to your friends. Trust me, you are not alone, just hang on, and remember that nothing is worse than giving up.

- RUgreek

dekeguy · #12 06-10-2002, 01:01 PM

Sarah,
Take a deep breth, say the Lord's Prayer, and then think about the words you just said. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Seems to me that you have taken responsibility for your actions (and that shows courage and a resolve to get your act together). Now, your sisters don't have any honorable alternative but to forgive you for if they do not they are asking God not to forgive them for any and all of their screw ups in the same way they would not forgive you. "Forgive us ... as we forgive those who trespass against us".
You have shown the guts to face up to your mistakes and I for one would be proud to call you Friend. Can your sisters do any less? No matter how this turns out you have proven yourself a good person even when under terrible pressure. Keep your chin up, we all make horrible mistakes but lots of us lack the courage to do anything about those mistakes. You have already won the battle that counts.
dekeguy