Relationship Question???

[Blue_Passion_01]

I am asking all women this question. I would like any men to respond as well. Is flirting over the internet and writing seductive messages cheating? I have mixed feelings because I do not want my significant other to do any of the. Let a sister know.....

[Shelacious]

I say yes, from this perspective:

A relationship is both mental and physical. Clearly if a person physically gives him/herself to another, we consider it "cheating." However, an equally (some would say more) important element is the mental and emotional. If someone is flirting (other than the lightest and most innocuous of flirting) and writing seductive messages to someone via the internet (or any other medium) then that person is taking mindshare away from the relationship and placing it somewhere else. I have run into very few folks who spend hours flirting and cavorting with someone on the Internet and then turn around and give that same level of attention to their mates. That, in essence, is the crux of cheating--taking resources away from your current relationship and leveraging them in a new one.

And I don't separate the Internet from other face-to-face mediums, because anyone who has met their mate over the Internet will attest that their relationship was as strong or stronger than any face-to-face relationship would have been.

Having said all that, I would hope that I would not out of hand break-up or divorce someone for that reason alone. Cheating is usually a sign of a disconnect somewhere in the relationship from one or both parties. We would need to take a closer look at the relationship and determine why, where and how the disconnects were occurring before I take some drastic action. Maybe I'm an optimist, and I do know there are folks who like to, and will always be, cheaters, but I think that most folks in a healthy, loving, respectful relationship cheat the first time out of ignorance/confusion/frustration/fear. Now, I hope I can remember this foresight and maturity when and if it ever happens to me!

[Blue Storm]

To Shelacious and Blue Passion. Let me say as a man I must agree with She 200% and that Passion doesn't want her man to do any of that, it is only far, if Passion is not doing any of that. Right? The way a relationship works is the constant communication on both parties, talking to one another, not talking down to your boy/girl friend. Letting your significant other know how much you love them, showing how much you are madly in love with them, and how much you love the relationship. With all this said, let start by saying this. I let my girl down somewhat, outside of cheating via internet, in person, or a seductive email or note. All that I never did, though I had a tendacy to be flirtatious and not know it. My girl told me that I'm a little too flirtatious, in all honesty I'm not trying to be, it's my natural state. Because it's my girl--I would want too improve. But the way I screwed up the most, is that, I used things that she told only me, I threw them back in her face in the heat of an arguement.

The worst thing I found out is that one, I almost lost my baby, and two, throwing words around is easy to do, but if you NOT careful, you can serverly hurt someone. I asked my girl if cheating on her carried the same weight as the word flining? She answered yes! "It carries the same weight" she said. So for the men that may read this, cheating is not the answer either. In learning everything over the past few weeks I found that this man, can admit that he had did his girl wrong and that he is sorry for doing such a terrible thing. Now the other thing I found out is that, once a guy crushed y'alls (women)fellings and emotions it's hard for you all to come back. But provided that your man, Passion isn't a habitual dog if you are with him he's probably not, and you can see all of the potential good in him. If he is a real type brother, then he recognizes the problem(s) he has caused you. Therefore, I'm blessed to have a girl who is very understanding and loving. And she knew what I did was wrong, but she is working with me to get right, also she stated that she would watch me like a hawk. Passion with your man, any problems that may occur, tell him about it. Don't sit up there and try to mind read. My girl told that when something is bothering me to come out and tell her. In the beginning I didn't really do that. It took a while. I was never used to talking to a female in that way, outside of my mother. But with her help, I'm coming around more. Passion I don't have a shadow of doubt--that you don't LOVE your man! So work with your man, that's the only way any relationship will work. Also, you don't like him flirting tell him when he does it. You don't want him to send seductive emails and notes to people, you don't want him to waste his time talking to chicks on the web. Let him know!!!!! Now before you do that, you shouldn't be doing it yourself, that's the only way it works. Basically, don't tell him that if you aren't going to do it. Passion hopefully, you and man work whatever problem(s) you all may have out.

AND TO THE MEN WHO WILL READ THIS REPLY... TAKE FROM A MAN WHO MESSED UP AND ALMOST LOST THE ONE THING EVEN MORE PRESCIOUS THAN LIFE ITSELF. LOVE YOUR WOMAN, CHERISH YOUR WOMAN, BE THERE FOR YOUR WOMAN. AND NEVER, NEVER EVER USE ANYTHING SHE TELLS IN CONFIDENCE AGAINST HER. AFTERWARDS YOU IN THE END WILL LOOK LIKE THE FOOL. FELLAS REMEMBER THIS, A WOMAN IS GOD'S GIFT TO MAN, TREAT HER THE WAY GOD HAD INTENDED FOR HER TO BE TREATED, LIKE A WOMAN!!! AND WHEN YOU GET A GOOD WOMAN DON'T DOG HER OVER, LIKE I DID. I JUST GLAD THAT I'M GETTING A SECOND CHANCE TO GET IT RIGHT. FELLAS IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET A SECOND CHANCE--DON'T BLOW IT, BECAUSE YOU MAY NEVER COME ACROSS GOOD WOMAN AGAIN!!! AND TO MY CARE BEAR, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I CAN'T TELL YOU ENOUGH!!! RIGHT NOW GREEK CHAT SHE IS MY PRINCESS, BUT I'M WORKING TO MAKE HER MY QUEEN!!! Baby I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bluuuuuu Phiiiiiiii.... to you all!!!
ONE LOVE 2 YA!!!

-Blue Storm

[Zetaphied]

I think when you have questions about whether or not something is considered cheating you should always flip the script and think about how you would feel if you discovered your significant other was doing the same thing to you. I personally thinks everyone flirts, it's human nature, but that's a whole other subject.

Even if for someone reason if the role was reversed it wouldn't bother you, if your partner lets you know that it hurts them, that's reason enough to stop.

Hey this very topic was on Oprah recently! With Dr. Phil.

[TLAW]

The earlier posts hit the nail right on the head. Allow me to paraphrase a little: if you have questions as to whether something you are about to do is cheating, don't do it; As has been pointed out, relationships transcend just the physical. It also encompasses the mental. It is possible to have emotional bonds with a person you have not physically met, and it follows that you can then invalidate one's sense of self-fidelity.
Another point that was alluded to: if it is something that you need to hide from your significant other for fears of discovery, then it is possibly can be construed as cheating. Thus, I no longer send cyber-kisses, and am stingy with my e-hugs. I don't wanna get sliced up!!!!