Tell me if this would bother you.

Blue Violet · #1 11-06-2002, 06:08 PM

We have a girl who wants to associate with our chapter. She seems nice enough so we decided that we'd call her reccomendations. We called her chapter and they ( the president) said she's in good standing technically. Technically? Come to find out, she got caught in a bit of mischief with a boy. OK fine haven't we all been caught kissing, whatever. But then-and this is the part that bothers me- the girl on the phone goes "I mean if you don't mind your sisters dating black guys." WHAT??? Basically the gist of this is that she was caught kissing a black guy in the down stairs parlor of the house.It seems to me that the other chapter was more worried about it being a black guy than the fact they were kissing.I know there are racist people in world. And as much as they irritate me-they do have the right to their opinion. But I just could not believe this girl admitted this to me-a total stranger (Just b/c your in the same group doesn't mean your all the same)on the phone!!!!!!!!! Also, I could not believe that this day in age someone would make that statement and in the next breath bragg about how great their groups is. I am so iritated. Now I feel that if we don't let her affiliate (which we were probably going to do-but you never know-we want to get to knoe HER better-not her "rep")we are being just as racist. I haven't said anything to anyone else yet, but I do have two messages on machine right now "So what did X chapter say about Suzie Q?" I mean this came from a VERY prestigious & old group(single letter chapter) on a BIG greek campus.

33girl · #2 11-06-2002, 06:16 PM

Wow, you are more restrained than I am...I would have said something to the effect of "gee, I'm afraid she's too tame for us. We usually @#$% goats" and hung up.

Get to know her, and if she and your chapter are a good fit, definitely she should affiliate.

josh8o · #3 11-06-2002, 06:19 PM

thats actually really sad...do you think it is the reason she left that chapter?

PenguinTrax · #4 11-06-2002, 06:22 PM

I would ignore the comment entirely. That is the opinion of one person, not the chapter. If the woman in question is in good standing both with her former chapter and with the national office and your group thinks she would be a good fit within your chapter, affiliate her, make her welcome and forget the closemindedness of the other chapter. Seriously - don't even bring the comments up in ANY WAY, as it will bring you all sorts of trouble.

violets · #5 11-06-2002, 06:27 PM

Blue Violet,
Ugh, what a disturbing phone call and story. It made me shudder.
My advice is to first welcome this new sister with open arms, make sure she is comfortable and involved. Take a special interest in her adjustment into your chapter. It seems to me her transferring might have had a lot to do with the repellent, racist attitudes that she may have confronted on her former campus. Do not press her for details about this, but provide support if she seeks it.
As for telling your other sisters in your chapter, I would not do this. I think it would only make them curious about the circumstances of this new sister's transfer, and would take the focus off of learning about her as a person.
However, I would IMMEDIATELY write an email to your chapter advisor, your district advisor and the district advisor for the chapter in question, and tell them word for word what the "single letter chapter" sister told you. Those women in that "old" chapter need to be turned around as soon as possible. They need workshops, education and prayer. Do not feel like you are "telling" on them...racism is a sickness. You would tell a very sick sister to get to a doctor or a hospital, so don't spend a moment hesitating. Racism limits what people can see and experience in this world. Racist individuals live less of a life than those who can be tolerant and appreciative of all the beautiful differences in this world. So please write that email asap, you would be doing a service to those sisters.

Good luck, and Greek Love,
violets

LatinaAlumna · #6 11-06-2002, 07:01 PM

I agree with Violets...you need to alert the appropriate officials in your organization immediately!

I have a question...why do you have to decide whether or not this sister can affiliate with your chapter? Once you verify that she is indeed a member in good standing, can't she just start attending your meetings and functions? Why do you have to decide if she is "a good fit"? What if you decide you don't like her? Does she just roam around a new campus by herself? No disrespect--I suppose I don't understand this procedure. In my LGLO, a sister from another chapter is to be taken in and is welcome to participate in all chapter functions as long as she is in good standing, no matter how we feel about her personally.

carnation · #7 11-06-2002, 07:08 PM

Latina Alumna,

I believe that all NPC groups require a chapter vote before someone can affiliate. This has been heavily discussed on GC but it has to do with some chapters not exactly being selective--okay, taking women who were literally psychos--and the women went to other campuses and were not welcomed with open arms. If you can find those threads and read the stories, you'll see why.

Another reason that automatic affiliation isn't allowed is that especially in the South, if a woman thinks she can't make the cut into the sorority she wants, she'll pledge it at a less selective school and then transfer to the bigger one. Sometimes a sorority will even suggest that to a prospective member. The thing is that most big Southern schools have limits on how many members they can have.

bolingbaker · #8 11-06-2002, 08:36 PM

She is absolutely right. Don't mention it, and don't take the advice to stir up the national office or district advisor. It will blow up on you in ways you can't imagine. If the young woman is compatible with your chapter, then take her on her own merits and make her feel welcome as a Sister. Please, listen to Pnguintrax. My chapter has black, asian, hispanic, but many others chapters don't, especially in the south. Race is a dangerous lightening strike, and not everyone feels the same way you do.

pinkyphimu · #9 11-06-2002, 08:46 PM

ohhhh yes! i would be mad as a hornet. please don't tell your other chapter members. tell them that she was in good standing with her last chapter. based on your reaction with the comment, i guess your national doesn't consider kissing a black man against policy (duh) so she is in good standing! get to know this woman for who she is....and as someone else said, make her feel a welcome part of your chapter! and please, please please, send a note to your national office, advisor, area officier, etc. this is not acceptable behavior. perhaps it was just this one woman's opinion, but i would be afraid that it might be the whole chapters!! and not to mention, if this woman couldn't handle another sister kissing someone of another ethnicity, then imagine what she would do if someone tried to JOIN her chapter!!!!

Blue Violet · #10 11-06-2002, 08:48 PM

I am definitely going to just keep my mouth shut to the others and just say she is in good standing and let everyone else make up their own minds. I thought about calling out the other chapter-until I remembered that I have made certain promises. I haven't mentioned my orgs. name so I don't think that really counts as ritual blabbing. If I expect to be treated a certain way I need to act it and not stoop. Besides, I know that even if it is unspoken, MANY of my sisters would look down on an interacial relationship. Its not the PC thing to admit, but it is very real. There are no black girls in any "traditional (AKA white)" groups here. There are very few Latinas and a handful of Asian/ Indian ladies. It is very mono-cultural if you will. There might be a reason.....

IvySpice · #11 11-06-2002, 09:37 PM

"that is the opinion of one person, not the chapter."

Is it? The original post isn't perfectly clear on this point, but it left me with the impression that Blue Violet was speaking to the president of the "single letter chapter." The president is a highly visible and powerful leader in any organization. She serves as spokesperson and figurehead. When she speaks about sorority matters, she will indeed be viewed as the voice of the chapter.

This was not a heart-to-heart talk with a close friend. Blue Violet and the other president were conducting official sorority business. If a recognized leader within the organization is attempting to make racial separation a criterion for membership, that's a gigantic problem.

I'm no expert in dealing with national headquarters. But if a sister of mine made it clear that her racism was impacting the way she was handling sorority business, I'd be speed-dialing nationals, and to hell with the consequences. They need to know exactly who is in charge of that single-letter chapter. Last I checked, no NPC group included hatred and ignorance among the values the sorority is supposed to promote.

Ivy

Tom Earp · #12 11-06-2002, 09:39 PM

What a sad state of affairs that a "White" Girl was kissing a "Black Man" and gets in a world of S*&^T for doing it

She may very well be a great lady who can be an asset to your Chapter!

Look to the person, not the color!

I know that she will have to be voted on such as I found out even in NIC Chapters which blew me away!

I guess I am way out of teh loop!

Excelsior301 · #13 11-06-2002, 10:21 PM

That is so sad. This is 2002, and people still have the same mentality about things as back in the 1960s and before. What does that have to do with a girl's character???
I'm glad that girl got out of there. That's the last thing anyone needs to be around. Hopefully, she'll find a happy new home with your chapter

XOMichelle · #14 11-06-2002, 11:09 PM

I had a talk about this with one of my friends yesterday. With all the policing of alcohol that our GLO's do, why don't we champion other things that can destroy us as well? Why don't our national organizations address this issue? By dismissing the racism that goes on in our own selection processes, we are abetting it and saying that it is ok. And it's not!

Although I know that race realtions in the United States are far from what they should be, we should be issuing statements that urge us to look at other qualities of PNM's and our sisters other than race. We shoudl be training recuritment/ personnel advisors to help our chapters address this issue!!! We easily have vehicles that can make is problem better, and we, as Greek organizations, have refused to do so. I think it is a travesty, and soemthing that panhellenic should pay more attention to.

-M

Optimist Prime · #15 11-07-2002, 12:57 AM

So, just so I'm clear on the matter, the consenous here is to just sweep it under the rug, and act like it didn't happen or doesn't matter?