Why....?

[SAE1955]

I wrote this on the "Bitch Post" but thought it constituted as good thread...

Man if some of you women spent as much time worrying about school and other more important stuff then you do about guys, life might not be so difficult....Why are you women so stuck up on relationships while your still in college? Don't fool yourself, most guys aren't looking for serious relationships in college

[lovelyivy84]

just begging for a reaction, aren't you?

There you got one. happy?

[valkyrie]

You know, thank you for saying this, because I was thinking the same thing. I've been wondering what all the fuss is about serious relationships, especially while people are so young. Doesn't anybody just want to have fun first and spend some time alone, maybe dating people casually for a while?

I've noticed it with guys too, though, not just women. Everyone seems so *serious* about relationships these days.

[SAE1955]

Naww...just thought I would have some of you women think about it....I'm not the one with problems

[Bridget3D]

Plain, simple, and utter ignorance.
It is not all of us SAE1955! I know better.
Sometimes I feel like I am one of the few females with some common sense.

[justamom]

In the paper this a.m. I saw the first engagement announcement of a couple who graduted HS with my daughter. So very young, so very pregnant... Yes they love each other, but-
If they had SLOWED it down a bit, they wouldn't have had to grow up so fast.

I have to agree with SAE1955.

edited-Please do not think I believe EVERYONE is the proper term. A lot of the threads reflect this, not necessarily individual posters.

[valkyrie]

Okay, I'm thinking more about this...and here are my random, rambling thoughts --

I think that women are somewhat conditioned by society to believe that relationships are the most important thing in life. So we often spend a lot of time looking for relationships and feeling miserable without them, or when they are not going well, because we learn that they are so important and so necessary, and that they really define us as people. I think that this is too bad, because, especially when you're young, like in college, time is better spent figuring out who you are, learning, growing, becoming independent, etc.

Now that I'm a little older, of course, it's easy for me to say this... But really, when you are young, you should be out having fun and not taking things to seriously, IMHO. There is plenty of time for serious relationships when you get older. Of course, now that I'm older and have been in serious relationships, I guess I still don't understand what all the fuss is about, because really, freedom and independence are wonderful things...

As a side note, I've really been noticing how serious almost everyone here is about relationships. There is a lot of talk about them, and people don't seem to think highly of those who have sex while not in serious relationships. I wonder where this "ultra morality" as I will call it comes from -- it certainly wasn't around when I was in college. It's kind of like guys don't necessarily want serious relationships, but yet they judge women who are willing to have sex while not in a relationship, and I'm not even going to get into how judgmental women can be about other women's sexual exploits... I guess if I were in college right now, I would be very confused as to what the expectations and "rules" are.

[SAE1955]

Women are definitely conditioned in society to need relationships....I believe that 100%...Maybe thats why women are often classified as not being able to be self sufficient, but obviously thats a misconception...

[lovelyivy84]

Valkyrie: responding to your post, certainly no this thread, lol.

What is wrong with placing value on your sexuality? I think that in terms of the women on this board

a. not everybody is telling the truth

and

b. many here legitimately do think of sex as something intimate

I have met plenty of girls who have wild sex lives, and I can tell you that it has been EXCEEDINGLY rare for any of those women to have a great deal of self-esteem. This is not s judgement, but an observation based on me meeting and talking to these women- not just seeing what they do and drawing my own conclusions. A lot are using sex to get love or affection, or because they think they're not good enough, or for a dozen very dysfunctional reasons.

I think that the best thing about the time we live in is not that people are more likely to go out and have wild sex, but that people are LESS likely to judge those who do. Your life is your life, and as long as you aren't hurting anyone (that is a big condition for me anyway) why should I care? That is something that I see as far more prevalent in our society, with both good and bad results (people are less likely to get involved when other people are legitimately doing wrong, and feel less of a responsibility to help one another).

[KillarneyRose]

In my college experience, it was the GUYS who were after the BIG RELATIONSHIP when all I wanted to do was have fun. And I must admit that the worst offenders were the SAE boys, much as I loved 'em! lol

Could it be that you're just so irresistable that no woman can resist you??

[ilovemyglo]

So here is the thing with me.. I just got out of a serious relationship and I am honestly not looking for another one, but I like companionship, so I have figured it out.
I want toys. That sounds so bad I know, but think about it. When you are a kid and you are in the mood to play with dolls you get your barbies out (for me it was GI Joes, but hey!) but sometimes you wanted to play pretend so you did that, and other times you wanted to play Atari, so you did that.
That is what I want in guys. Every guy is different, when I want to cuddle I may want guy #1, when I want to laugh guy #2 when I want to go out and party guy #3 and so on and so forth. So far, the guys around here are looking for girlfriends, or just sex. I ain't either.... so ... that leaves me with a boy 150 miles away that I like, a really good guy friend that I am attracted to 200 miles away and me sitting here with my cat, George, for affection and a cancelled date to formal.
But, I will survive!

[valkyrie]

Lovelyivy, I agree with what you're saying, to an extent. I think that you can value your sexuality while not being in a serious relationship, and I agree that there are many women out there who have a lot of sex but also have low self esteem and are trying to use sex to get other things. That said, there are certainly also women who enjoy a more "wild" sex life who do have good self esteem, and who appreciate sex for what it is and aren't looking for anything more -- granted, these women may be rare, but they do exist.

Here's something else, unrelated, that I was wondering. What if we, as a society, stopped putting so much emphasis on relationships? I think that there is a huge pressure on people to be in relationships, and it seems that this pressure is very strong in the greek system. I have seen so many people here on GC stressed out about finding a date for a date party, or finding someone to do one thing or another with, and why? I understand that one can always take a friend to a date party, but it just seems like so much drama. Why don't organizations start having no-date parties, where everyone goes alone or brings friends? Why don't people who are in relationships stop blowing off their friends who aren't in them -- and I know I've been guilty of this as well. Wouldn't we all be better off if the world suddenly became more "single" friendly?

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I never wanted a serious relationship when I was in college. I didn't go to school to work on my Mrs. I just wanted a guy who would call. Anyway, some men do want serious relationships in college and some women don't. I know a few people who married their college sweethearts, but most didn't.

[h2oot]

I think the gist of what's been said is that it's difficult to generalize what women want while in college. For myself, I know that I broke up with my HS sweetheart when we both went to separate schools. For the first two years in college a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. Mainly, I wanted to meet people, make new friends, and have fun.

As far as sexuality goes, I am not one to do much, if anything, unless I am in love and had no problems dating guys who understood and respected my wishes regarding this.

At the end of last summer I met somebody special and fell in love. Was I specifically looking for a relationship...no. We met, we connected, and we fell in love.

I agree that women are generally more into relationships than men. But that doesn't mean I "have to have a guy" or even want one. To me it means: how I relate, and issues of intimacy and trust, are more important to me than they are for most guys.

When I begin to date a guy, he may be more interested in the sex angle, while I'm more into the relationship aspect. But that doesn't mean I want him as a boyfriend. The relationship part that interests me involves how he treats me, is he interesting, do we enjoy being with each other, is he fun, is he attractive, etc., etc. And yes, girls do talk about this among one another, as guys may talk about the new features on the newest model of car.

The alternative to "lets have sex", is not "lets get married. Finally, I see just as many guys who go from serious relationship to serious relationship as I see gals.

[lovelyivy84]

I was thinking more about sex, not relationships. On my campus most of the people I knew were not in relationships, and when they were it more likely than not was not serious. But then again, it just wasn't a dating campus.