HOOKING UP! Gentlemen in your opinion...(ladies ya can read on too I suppose...)

[PKTSU01]

Another excellent topic of conversation came up over some room temperature Guiness draft (really the only way to have it), last night in good ol Brooklyn NY(YEAH BOYEEEE!!!) Anyways, the question is this...boys...

could you ever have respect for and/or potentially go out (long term) with a girl who would put out on the first date?

The votes were split between the guys on this one. I was one of the realists who said that if a girl is going to hook up on the first date she either a) wants that and only that from you or b) hopes it will lead to something else if she does do that. While I couldn't disrespect someone for hooking up with me (that would be a dick move) I'm not so sure i'd want to make a long term thing with someone who WOULD do that on a first date, just doesn't make me feel that our interaction meant anything at all.

The other guys in the group had opinions ranging from "nothing wrong with a little bootay" to "I'm NEVER marrying a girl who would blow me on the first date."

So guys, what's your take. And girls, well, at least wait till the guys have had their say before you become violent.

And....we're off!

[James]

Well . . .

All women that I date should be willing to have sex on the first night, although I understand that the opportunity might not be there. ITs disturbing to think she wouldn't be willing if the situation and mood were correct. Why would she play a game like that?

I mean I certainly would be willing on the first date with the right mood and location, and I would hate to embrace a double standard or play the girl by holding out

As far as respecting her, I never really thought about it.

I have had some friends say they would date/go out with (which necessitates respect) a girl that had sex (or oral sex) with them on the first date . . . but would never marry them.

Actually I have heard that a lot from guys, the never marry response. I had a friend thatw as dating a girl for over 3 years and told me point blank he would never ever marry her because she had sex with the first night.

[Beef]

Personally, no. I wouldnt. A kiss on the first date is as far as I will go if I think there is some potential. I have a 3 or 4 date rule, maybe longer, just depends when the time is right.

Now if I am really drunk, I tend to forget about rules..

[Optimist Prime]

That depends on how good it is.

[SoCalGirl]

A girl does no put out all by her lonesome. So if a guy is going to hold it against her; he's a big ole hypocrite! And if he's a hypocrite; she shouldn't want him for a long term relationship. It's a viscious circle.

Originally posted by SoCalGirl
A girl does no put out all by her lonesome. So if a guy is going to hold it against her; he's a big ole hypocrite! And if he's a hypocrite; she shouldn't want him for a long term relationship. It's a viscious circle.

So true!

[James]

You ladies are entirely unfair because you yourselves created and perpetuated the idea of negative reputations based on sexual activity . . .

So there! Take that!

AS I have said before and will say again. I have never met a girl with a bad rep that wasn't originally given her by other girls.

[Beef]

Originally posted by SoCalGirl
A girl does no put out all by her lonesome. So if a guy is going to hold it against her; he's a big ole hypocrite! And if he's a hypocrite; she shouldn't want him for a long term relationship. It's a viscious circle.

Thats true, but the guy doesnt have to marry himself.....

[Thrillhouse]

I say if she looks for it at the first date, thats all she wants. But it depends, with beer I have been known to go with it, lol.

[G8Ralphaxi]

I think it's all a matter of "timing"

The vast majority of the time when you meet someone, things proceed step by step...

1. You figure out each other's name, hometown, major, all the normal details.

2. You decide whether or not that person is "attractive" to you. I don't mean in a snotty "I demand supermodel girlfriends" kind of way, I mean whether or not there's chemistry.

3. You spend some "bonding" time together. This might start at a traditional "dinner and movie" first date or even just a conversation in the corner of a bar or at a party. This is the "getting to know them" part. Building emotional connections.
3(a) You get to know each other better and form a stronger emotional connection (this step continues, indefinitely)

4. You get physically involved. A kiss. Then more kissing.

4(a) You get more physically involved. Stuff your mother doesn't want to know about.

The prpblems arise when you rush to step 4 (or actually step 4(a)).

For example, if you were friends with the other person for awhile, then it often makes sense to get to the fun stuff in step 4 earlier. You've already established a foundation.

However, if either person is just hooking up without the emotional attachment(skipping 3 and 3(a)), things can get out of wack. The connection is purely physical and that rarely is a solid foundation.

Even if you were friends first, you still need to establish some emotional connection in the romantic sense to lay that foundation.

These steps aren't defined by time, they're defined by what's going on in your head and your heart. Some couples will take weeks, months or years before they feel ready to enjoy the full potential of step 4(a). Others will meet and feel an intense emotional connection that day.

The trick is to not rush ahead of the other person - if you're feeling an emotional connection and they aren't yet, then if you rush into hooking up, it's going to be really hard for them to build that emotional connection later.

The truth that is so hard to admit is that we KNOW when it's just sex, and when it's something more. James is right, sometimes it IS appropriate for things to move pretty fast. Those are the stories you hear where they had sex the first night and then dated forever and got married. But a lot of the time, anything really early (i.e. getting nekkid first date), is not the emotional connection type.

Regarding the Lewinsky type of sex in the first night, in my opinion, that's even MORE likely to be purely physical. That's where the girl refuses to have sex (knowing intuitively the lack of emotional connection) and then offers that as some kind of backup option, hoping that it will make the guy happy.

[DukeBlue]

The only times I've rushed to "step 4" and not expected just a purely physical relationship was when I was good friends-with-mutual-romantic-liking with the other party for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong time (in the cases I'm speaking of, like a year both times) before deciding to make the romantic interest thing "official" so there was already a solid emotional connection there...

Anywho, I have to agree that it's a double standard to be like "Ok, I'll sleep with this girl on the first date, but if she agrees to it, that means she's not worthy of me"....wtf? Typical gender stereotype double standard bullshit. Takes two to tango, and the guy's a hypocrite if he looks down on a female for doing the same thing he's doing...

[curiouss]

Originally posted by James
Well . . .

All women that I date should be willing to have sex on the first night

You so horny.

[GmuTeke]

Personally, I go into the first date expecting nothing will happen physically, just a chance to flirt, see if you're really into the girl and to see if she's gonna be there for the second date (where I start to get hopes up).

If something happens, cool. If not, then oh well, there will be time. I don't lose any respect for the girl cause hey, I was there too after all. Then again, I'm not really the "booty call" type, so if I go out with the girl I want the relationship.

[shultzz]

If a girl sleeps with me on the first date, I wont go out with her again. If she doesn't sleep with me on the first date I definitely wont go out with her again!

[curiouss]

Originally posted by shultzz
If a girl sleeps with me on the first date, I wont go out with her again. If she doesn't sleep with me on the first date I definitely wont go out with her again!

Do you A.D.I.D.A.S? Do you think about anything else?