Ladies, your thoughts

AKA2D '91 · #1 01-14-2002, 05:25 PM

While on my way home a few minutes ago and flipping through radio stations. This one "hip-hop" station

as raunchy as it is put this question out to its listening audience...

What would you do if you RECENTLY found out that your spouse/friend/boyfriend/man had been with a man (physically) BEFORE he met you? All of a sudden he decides he wants to "come clean". Would you continue in the relationship? Would you think it over? What?

Steeltrap · #2 01-14-2002, 05:32 PM

Speaking strictly for me, I would end it. I would be too paranoid about the potential risk of AIDS or hepatitis C.

tickledpink · #3 01-14-2002, 05:41 PM

meaning he wasn't molested or anything.

By choice, there's nothing for me to think about. Hasta La Vista. Too many chances for a relapse/ reoccurrance, or whatever you want to call it, and those stories about those undercover brothas are disturbing.

You know, I was watching this special on TV the other night called "The Missing Minister" (true story - Connie Chung was interviewing him). This guy goes on a road trip to Texas (?) I think, and disappears for years, leaving his wife and daughter to wonder what happened to him. Meanwhile, his daughter had to be sent away to a private school and placed on all kinds of meds to deal with her misplaced anger against her mother due to his disappearance. Well, he shows back up in town as a minister, claims he doesn't remember what happened while he disappeared, but thinks that due to some sort of physical attack, he's now gay. Of course, his family is crushed, the wife doesn't believe his "amnesia" (and neither do I to be frank), and his mother-in-law is like "he was probably gay before, but too afraid to reveal it to his wife & church. Just be a man and admit it..."

Anyway, I said all of that to say, when someone reveals that sort of info, personally I would see it as a set up for failure to stay. But that's just my opinion.

Ideal08 · #4 01-15-2002, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by tickledpink
meaning he wasn't molested or anything.

By choice, there's nothing for me to think about. Hasta La Vista.

I agree, Soror. No thanks on all that. I'm str8.

Now that story on the minister, that's some mess right there.

JJSP01 · #5 01-15-2002, 05:16 PM

He would have to go...If you're now my man and you didn't trust me enough to tell me this BEFORE we got together, then like that...you're GONE!

ClassyLady · #6 01-15-2002, 06:28 PM

Uh uh, no way, I would not be able to deal with that. Besides the obvious threat of STDs, I wouldn't be able to get past "the other man." I can compete with women but men, that's an entirely different story. I can do anything that the next woman can do, but I am not, well, uh, "equipped" to please him the way another man can.

prayerfull · #7 01-15-2002, 06:47 PM

Now that's some serious stuff. I'm married, so if my husband told me one day that he had been with a Man at some point in his life, I don't know what I'd do. I think that there would be a serious issue of trust in jeopardy, because all that should have come out prior to marriage. So, I don't think I would trust him anymore. I'd be thinking he was keeping secrets and would be concerned that he might be feeling a little "twinging urge" in the "rear area" from time to time that I just can't fulfill!!!!!!! I would have to pray long and hard about this, but would most likely be done with him, because of the whole trust thing. There's too many diseases out there.

But now, Men....what would you say if your Wife/Girlfriend, told you that she had been with a Woman at some point prior to your relationship. I know a whole bunch of brothers, including my own husband, who probably would say "hey, that's her own little freaky side" and wouldn't care...probably in hopes that you might actually get that urge again and let him watch!!!

I made my husband write out a list of all the women he had been with before we were married. Now, I don't know whether his list was complete or not, but I will trust that it was.

MS.REVLON · #8 01-16-2002, 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by prayerfull
.

But now, Men....what would you say if your Wife/Girlfriend, told you that she had been with a Woman at some point prior to your relationship. I know a whole bunch of brothers, including my own husband, who probably would say "hey, that's her own little freaky side" and wouldn't care...probably in hopes that you might actually get that urge again and let him watch!!!

I made my husband write out a list of all the women he had been with before we were married. Now, I don't know whether his list was complete or not, but I will trust that it was.

I agree with you totally on that one. I like the list idea also.

2DISCRETE4U · #9 01-16-2002, 10:07 AM

I agree also. If a man found out that about his wife, I'm not thinking that he would really be that devastated. But if that was me and I found out that my husband was with another man previously, I think I might have to hurt someone.

He would definitely have to GO!
But I am feeling the whole list idea.

korkscru · #10 01-16-2002, 02:22 PM

I agree with the majority. Something like that would probably KILL all of the love that I have for this man. I too would be extremely paranoid about contracting AIDS or something. Plus I would always wonder if he would be thinking about me or BOB whenever we would make love.

I just couldn't torture myself like that. I just COULDN'T see myself staying with him.

butterfly82 · #11 02-12-2002, 03:53 PM

He would be dropped due to the lack of honesty that he has given. HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!

shani · #12 02-14-2002, 01:59 AM

This question made me think!!! Honestly if I REALLY was in love with this person it would be VERY hard just to up and get rid of him?? But, as I read the other post that talked about getting STD's I came to the conclusion:

1) If you really value your body and your health get EVERY partner tested weither or not he is bisexual because the fact is that some gay men don't consider themselves gay at all. I read this story in VIBE about the new "homo-thug". My point is ladies be careful.

2) I would leave the guy at the end because of lack of trust and personally I just couldn't imagine him being with another man.

AKA_Monet · #13 02-15-2002, 11:21 PM

Don't tell...

Don't ASK!!!

And if you have to question...

Then you should not have ask...

There should BE NO questions about preferences...

That's my opinion!

However, the latest HIV infections stat is that African American women OVER 50 are rapidly being infected due to their husbands infidelity and De Nile not just being a river in Egypt... I forgot what it's called when a man does that--Play 2 sides against the middle on the other side of midnight... By the time the woman figures out she actually infected with HIV, it is too late to do much 'cuz she's past her prime--why should she want children now, she has menopause or post menopause...

So ladies, be careful 'bout men and who you sleep with unprotected... Summa y'all are youthful (way below 35 years old) and it ain't just about homologous recombinations of genes in chromosomes and finishing the 2nd phase of meiosis for complete embryonic formation... AIDS is a bea-itch--even with a cocktail!!!

bluz4 · #14 02-15-2002, 11:26 PM

i have to be honest but i would have to say... c-ya....
i just wouldnt be able to get the thought and image of him getting down with another dude. and i would always wonder if he desired to go back that way. i've heard on radio shows (arent they so dang yucky??) that after a man performs oral sex on another man, they are never the same. and i've heard that a woman just cant please a man the same way another man can... in think relationships are hard enough that you dont want to add anymore drama/obstacle/concerns/doubts onto your plate....