Can you go home again?

AOIIBrandi · #1 02-11-2002, 04:28 PM

OK here's the situation...

When I first left home to go to college I never had any intention of ever going back to live in the area I grew up in, I had lived in the same house my entire life and wanted/want to see other things. I have not lived in this area for 8 years, and my entire family still lives there.

Recently my husband was extended a job offer which included moving to another location (our choice from about 7). One of them is back to my hometown. He is really interested in living there b/c we have friends that live there, and the cost of living is much cheaper (more bang for your buck type thing). My biggest concern is that now my family and his (which will be much closer) will not be as considerate of our independence as they were forced to be where we live now (think Everybody Loves Raymond type thing). BTW I have a really hard time saying no to them b/c I don't like hurting people's feelings.

So, I guess I am wondering about other's thoughts feeling on the subject. Would you move back despite the family concerns?

IowaHawkeye · #2 02-11-2002, 05:05 PM

For me personally, I have always pictured myself in chicago, where i'm from - i love having my family around and its an added bonus that you have friends there too. but if it will make you uncomfortable with the people you love so close and possibly barging in or stopping by unexpectedly, i would sit down with them and just tell everyone, we're thinking about moving back to the area but we enjoy our freedom - ie - don't randomly stop by, don't nag us to do things...

Optimist Prime · #3 02-11-2002, 06:23 PM

I'm moving to LA the day that I graduate. Is there maybe a choice that is kindof close to family???

Tom Earp · #4 02-11-2002, 06:32 PM

DAH, living in Middle Fl. aint that bad I guess! Try Kansas TOTO!

Cold, Snow and hotter that the Hubs of Hell-o!

in the summer!

Well I for one love it here and would not leave it, well sometimes I think about it!

The Grass is always Greenier on the other side of the Fence, but when you get there it is Astro Turff!

newbie · #5 02-11-2002, 07:44 PM

Well...for me, I don't envision my future in San Francisco. I think this is a cool city and all, but I'm deathly sick of the weather here, and I just don't think I can live here all my life. Plus I'm so independent and I couldn't be independent living here in the same city where my parents are.

I see myself moving either down to SoCal or the Monterey Bay area. Both are still in this lovely state so I won't be too far from home, but I won't be stifled by my parents (trust me...my sister is in her mid twenties and when she lived here a few years ago she was still stifled and not given much freedom).

LexiKD · #6 02-11-2002, 08:33 PM

Where to begin...

I had job offers from all over, but no, I thought I would go home and work with the family. Well, although I love them, they do get in the way.

When I was in school, I talked to them every week, now I work with them so I talk to them every day. It is nice, but it is a little difficult.

I want to stay in NC b/c of my family, but plan to move at least an hour away within the next 5 years!

It is a toss up, but there are good and bad issues. But if kids are in the future, babysitters would be around the corner!

nucutiepie · #7 02-11-2002, 08:39 PM

I really, really miss New England. I don't necessarily want to move back there right away, but it's absolutely where I want to bring up my kids.

KillarneyRose · #8 02-11-2002, 09:08 PM

I'm in the exact same boat as Amycat. I left Pittsburgh after I graduated college in 1989 and it never, ever occurred to me to move back there. I'm exactly 263 miles from the house I grew up in. Just close enough so that my folks can easily visit me and vice versa. And I do enjoy going back several times a year to be surrounded by people who like my sports teams and unique Pittsburgh delicacies and and can understand my accent (which I haven't lost in 12 years)!

But again, I've been away for years and that's just how I like it!

33girl · #9 02-11-2002, 09:20 PM

My hometown is about 70 miles away from here. I could never go back, simply because it's just a shadow of what it used to be when I was growing up. The gap between the haves and have-nots is getting ever wider, and the only department store is a Wal-Mart. Even if I was offered a million dollars, I don't think I could live there again. It's just too depressing.

If you think your hometown would be a good place to live and you both want to do it, go for it. As far as your parents being underfoot a lot, just remember what Ann Landers says: "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."

bucutie02 · #10 02-11-2002, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by IowaHawkeye
For me personally, I have always pictured myself in chicago, where i'm from - i love having my family around

I completely agree, except I am in Houston!

I guess i understand where the rest of you are coming from, but as for me, i want to live with my family close by as in living in the same city. My family is, and always will be number one- and i dont think i could ever get enough of them

damasa · #11 02-11-2002, 11:17 PM

I hated the small town I grew up in, and I only go back to take care of personal business. BUT, I also hate living in Milwaukee now.

I love my family but they tend to get quite annoying at times, and the same goes for many of my highschool friends. I want to be able to just take off and live away from everything for a few years and see how it goes. I guess it's different being married and wanting your privacy though, I can't give advice for that...

blaine

valkyrie · #12 02-12-2002, 12:28 AM

I think it really depends on where your hometown is. Is it a small town where everybody knows everybody and will be all up in your business all the time? Is it an urban area? That all makes a difference, because I don't think you would enjoy living in a small town with your family nearby -- because of your concerns that they won't respect your independence. Of course, wherever you go, you do need to be able to say NO when people are trying to take advantage of you.

That said, I couldn't imagine not living near my family. I live about a 40 minute drive from them, and for me that is perfect. I can go visit them whenever I want, and I know that if they ever need me I will be here for them, as they have been there for me my entire life. They NEVER impose on me and have never stopped by unannounced (which really I wouldn't even mind). I guess my point is that it really depends on your relationship (in addition to whether you like your hometown) -- some parents are fine to live near, and some are just overbearing -- if you have the latter, it may be best for your sanity if you live somewhere else.

AOIIBrandi · #13 02-12-2002, 10:58 AM

Thanks everyone.

My hometown is a big city with a small town feel. If you've lived there all your life you kind of know the major players...

We have 3 months to make the decision, so we'll see what kind of reassurances I can get from my family

justamom · #14 02-12-2002, 11:42 AM

I know I'm late here, but would like to "chime" in.
I wish to heaven I could have moved back home. The values there are quite different than those around here. I LOVE the idependent nature of a midwest town. Do you have children or plan to? This was the greatest reason I wished I could have moved home. The positives of having loving Grandparents, Aunts-Uncles cousins can't be measured. Try to remember how secure you felt as a child. I stayed out of trouble MOSTLY because I feared my Grandparents would find out and I NEVER wanted to hurt them.
One day your parents will be old and fragile. You will want to be there(if you are close) and see that they are being cared for in the best way possible. Family becomes more important as you age.

If it's really big, you won't see that much of them because you will be so busy. Relatives can come in very handy.

When your hometown or chosen community is small, you can bring your experiences with you and start new activities or organize community projects. As someone told me-it's easier to be a big fish in a small pond. Look farther down the road than the next 5 years or so and weigh your options from that perspective. However, I do agree the house rules should be set up before you move in, but keep in mind at first EVERYONE will want to visit and catchup and see your home...it will cool off. Now I'm homesick...

newbie · #15 02-12-2002, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AOIIBrandi
Thanks everyone.

My hometown is a big city with a small town feel. If you've lived there all your life you kind of know the major players...

We have 3 months to make the decision, so we'll see what kind of reassurances I can get from my family

AOIIBrandi, just wanted to wish you the best of luck for whatever you decide!