OK, this is going to be really long, just a warning.
As some of you know I have been having issues with my "friends" from home. I have even posted some events that have happened in some GC forums (one is Greek also). I have pondered over are friendship for as long as we've known each other and continue still, having no clue what to do. I have said stuff to them, to others, complained to my mom,ran over stuff in my head thousands of times and nothing seems to come out of it.So this is kind of like a final attempt. Normally i wouldnt post this, but i figured with helped each other out with lots of things and even if we couldnt at least help, at least comfort each other. Ok here goes the long stroy after my long babbling.
We all became a clique you could say our junior year in HS, but some of us had individually been friends. I thought they'd cool to hang around with. They were pretty and seemed to be fun (wouldnt say popular cuz we went to a small arts HS and everyone knew everyone). That sounds shallow but it was HS and thats not what I based my the rest of my friends on, but for some reason it was with them
.Anywho, in high school whenever we would get into arguements it was pretty much always me verse them. I was what you could call the black sheep of the group. They were really girly. And I was more into getting to college, sports, my dance classes, swim team etc. The fights were usually that someone said something or did something that hurt me. Like the time we went to a restaurant and thye stuffed and extra cheeseburger we got into my windbreaker pocket, and then when we went to leave they all got in the car and wouldnt let me in. Everytime I tried to reach the door handle, they would drive the car forward. Funny at first but then it got annoying after 2x and when we were in English watching a movie i sat at another table cuz I could see better and one wanted me to sit with them and I told her know and why and she said "Fine, make new friends then". It was high school so I ignored it, even though everyone always asked me why the hell I hung out with them. I was nice to everyone and got along with everyone pretty much, they were pretty much snobby to people (and they wonder why they didnt like HS so much and they have admitted this). Well anyways the summer going into college came and we all went to different schools, but we hung out like 24/7 that summer. I knew things would change between us, and we'd change as people, but I didnt think that drastically. So ill do my individual problems with each separate and make 4 years quick.
Friend 1: I have no issues with her anymore. The two of us use to get into it alot until, and a situation that she handled so incorrectly between the "clique" had us not talking for awhile, into we pretty much had a cry/screaming fest and got everything out, and now I probably feel the closest to her. We were both kinda in the same boar. felt we gave 100%+ to the friendships, but got like 25% in return if that. Like one night we talked and she told me that she thought I was ungrateful cuz I never said thank you to them for picking me up whenever we went out. I told her Its not that Im not thankful but its I just thought it was implied. I do things for you guys and you do things for me. Giving rides was a big deal to her and the others she said. I was thinking ok, this coming from the girl who never said thanks either all the years she was MOOching rides from people, including my mom. And i was like well I mean, Ive held your guys head when you threw up (and on me), baby sat you who knows how many times, listened when you cried about bf problems and when they broke up with you guys and defended you guys to just about everyone I know including my mom when they look at me like "what the hell?", and I never get or EXPECT a thank you. Thats what friends are for. She said she could see my point but never really thought about those things being a big deal. But we've settled and I miss her now cuz were the most alike and shes in Chicago. Just wish she wasnt so damn dependent on her bf.
Friend 2: MY biggest issue with her is her damn bf (now fiance). Does he really have to go everywhere with us all the time??? I do mind sometimes, but seriously (and its always been like this since she met him) Id seriously say 98.5% of the time, when we go somewhere, he's right there. Doesnt even ask, just comes. Planety of times where we have wanted girls nights out, but couldnt because he had to come. Of course she says ya know if you dont want him to come just let me know. Yeah right, as my mom said. The minute you tell her that, she'll get mad. Which we have tried and hinted at telling her, but its well I already told him he could. And when they get married I know Ill never see her again. Another problem well its one for all of them, they say ignorant stuff. With her for example, we were watching Jenny Jones once and there was a white girl on who was talking and right infront of me she goes to the tv "Well maybe if you stop talking like you're black" and I just looked at her like, what's that suppose to mean? Then I met this guy one summer and they found out that his family is really wealthy and she told me, and I was like well he's cool and I dont care what his family has. I really didnt. And she goes, "This could be your way out" I 100% know she was getting at the neighborhood inwhich I live. Which isnt bad at all, but its definately not the greatest neighborhood and she's one to talk. Out of the 5 of us my family has the least amount of money and my mom was laid of and had to find a job making less then what she was making, which is why we had to move. That statement hurt. Plus she says she wants to do things, but cancels them to another day and then cancels that day and we just dont do things.
Friend 3: Or friend who, as I like to call her. You can hear from her one day and not see her for 2 years. She's one who in school would send us about 6 forwards on email every day, but yet never actually send a simple email saying Hi. I'd pretty much had it with her when she would be talking to me on IM and then her bf (and how she met him is a story in itself) on the phone and ther'd be like 15 mins of silence on her end and id find out she was talking to her bf. JUst say you are busy with him and youll talk later. Sheesh. Plus one of my guy friends wanted me to see if one of them would go out with him and he told me to ask her. So I told this friend that yeah I was going to ask our other friend for him, help him out a little, and she jumped down my damn throat. The worst out friend could do was say no and that was the end of it. I got a lecture on IM saying how i wasnt being a friend and yada yada. After that I dont here from her at all, until I come home and we all got together, and she hugged me when we left. OK I am not in the mood right now in my life for sometimy friends. And I know when someone's being somtimey.
Friend 4: (Last one I swear and thanks for bearing with me this long. This is going to a be the long one). This is who I call B%$#@ currently. And the one I have written about usually one GC who is greek too (Nina knows what Im talking about). Have you ever met someone who you thought was so cool and not wanted to be like them, but wish you could kind of had what they had. Well that was me with her until I realized how messed up she and her life actually are. I used to feel sorry for her, but now Im just like grow the hell up. She probably has the lowest self-esteem for any girl. Anywho, I thought we became close when we went of to college, we use to call each other almost everyday and we visited each others respective colleges. She was changing little by lil as the years went. There was even a time when we thought an intervention might be necess. b/c she was hitting the bottle a lil too much. She said she "drinks like a normal college student" I was thinking that doesnt help your case since the normal college student is proven to binge drink. But its like going into our Junior year in college she did a complete 180 and then some. She'd compare her friends at school to us and say how she (and still does) hates to go out with us because its hard for us to get together and its so easy for her and her friends at school (duh dummy, you live with most of your friends or at least in walking distance. and lil does she know that she is usually the reason why its hard for us to get together 80% of the time). She became more materalistic and shallow then she already was. When she joined her org. she mailed saying that there was another junior who she had like became the best of friends with who is "super skinny and filthy rich". It seemed like every week she had new best friends. I mean we are all going to make new friends and stuff, Just dont treat the ones who have done so much for you like crap (which she is). One time in HS we had one kinda the same tank. She asked me were I got mine and how much it was. I told her and said I paid 5.99. Well she got this look like "what" and said she paid 20 for hers and added well yours is an imitation. her family has the most money out of all of us. So anyways an event happened with her where she was seeing this guy who had a girlfriend, and her soro sister (the filthy rich best friend one) was also seeing him. Everyone but the gf knew. I was the ONE defending her when everyone else was talking about her and the whole alcohol thing and she knew it. I was the one who told her how we were worried and cared about her. Not that i agreed with what she did, but it was her life (she carried on the relationship the whole summer). So later on a similar situation happens to me, exclude the soror sister and make is one night and drinking is involved (it wasnt right and alchi isnt an full excuse, but I have learned from it and moved on). Did she defend me? NOPE. Got this whole hollier than thou attitude from her and she even made a comment which I wont say. But I overlooked that. We were suppose to move in together after college... she moved in with her best soro sister. I called her one day just to talk and she was like I know ppl arent going to like it, but im moving in with her. I just went silent.She just randomly brought it up. I mean its fine if she wants to move in with her, but my thing is she knew we had talked about it, and it was more than 3 times to the point where i was looking a lil. Could I have at least gotten an ya know did you still want to live together cuz my soror sis wants to live with me, but I know we've talked about it. Everyone thinks I have a right to be pissed about it, and when someone said something to her she just said we talked about it but it wasnt serious and threw if off. Friend 2's bf even said werent you suppose to live with her when we went over to her new place for a get together (which we were ignored for the whole 2 hours, and her friends looked at us like we were weird, and when one of her friends who we talked too told her we were the only intelligent ppl she had talked to the whole night, she got pissed). I never even told him about us living together. Neither did his gf so she had to. She also ignored me on New Years when she invited me out with her soro sisters. When the ball dropped she hugged everyone else, but blew me a kiss from 2 feet away (Ohh goody
). Also that night I was suppose to meet some friends at a bar which she wanted to go to and knew I wanted to meet them and said we were going to all along. Well we never went needless to say. but I tried calling them at the bar all night long to tell them to stay there until we came. So when I used her bf's cell one time (I didnt have mine on me) he asked her who was I calling while I was on the phone, and she goes "Some friend of her's at Oxfords, who she wants to see. She wants to sleep with one of them" And then they like laughed. It was if I had been slapped in the face though. they way she said it was like if she had used the "F-word" instead of sleep with. Ok it might have been a lil cool if she had of said that in front of our close gf's even if it was like 25% true. But she said this to her bf who I dont even know. I thought it was so uncalled for. I had to sleep on the old couch by the drafty ass window, while she was upstairs sleeping with her bf in his house. One of her sisters, while we were getting ready to go and we were in the kitchen and I was looking threw the food platters they had out, whispers to hear and says " So how do you know HER?" From her tone, it sounded like she was getting at, so what are you doing with her. I mean I thought, why whisper it? Why not just ask us where we met, instead of when im doing something, whipser it to her in that tone. I was willing to give her sisters a chance. She talks about XYZ all the time to were it gets annoying and her sisters. One of them was taotally cool, but the rest just SUCK! We were suppose to go out once and she invited a friend from school. We waited for this girl for 2 hours to call. I was like cant we just go and tell her where to meet us? Nope we had to stay there until she called, and she never did. I felt like she thought i was too boring to go out with alone. We ended up not going out that night and she just took me home. I realize she has new friends, we all do. But since she goes to school 45 mins away she see everyone all the time and I just felt that when I come home itd be nice to spend time with my friends from home and not here her complain about how she wants to see her friends from school when she seems them everyday and hasnt seen me in 4 months. We all visited her school once over winter break (ok no one was there, it christmas duh) and she somewhat ignored us and hung with her sisters, so 3 went back to her apt and went to bed (it was wayy boring) while I hung with her and her sis. I thought it was rude of her to invite us up , ignore us and then let them go back to her apt while she stayed out, but i figured one of us should stay so I did. Well she told hers sister. I want to hang out with them more over break and that break was too short. It sounded pitiful and one of her sisters was like we only have a week and a hlaf left and we can hang alot, besides we'll see each other at school all the time. Like she thought it sounded odd too. friend 4 was like yeah, but still i wanna hang with you guys. I was like thanks, your friends from home love you too and thank you for inviting us up here for this boring as hell night. Later that night she was telling a friend how she wished she could se her school friends from school more and that even though it was ok to see the ones from home we were boring and not as fun as the ones at school. (ok shes the prude 1/2 the 60% of the time). I was kinda excluded from the friends from home, b/c i was in the kitchen and she knew I could here her. I walked out and was like, hey out other friend are upstairs they can hear you (like whats with you why are you saying this). She just shurgged and was like so they cant hear me. I know I would have been included if i hadnt have been there. I think there is a rivalry issue between us being in different sororities too.
My things is I know things arent going to change. I HS I was the one without the bf (and college and now
), they could make fun and gang up on me, but if i made fun of one of them, I was being mean. I can't talk about things I like, necessarily. If i bring up sports or talk to one of their bf's about it, ill the get this rude interruption of " Ok, next topic" or "so, anyways" We one time they did that and I was like, well maybe youll learn something about them if you listen, and I got back, well maybe we dont care...really snotty ( that hurt and the bf looked at me and stopped the sports convo. It made me feel like I could talk about something I like and care about. Maybe she could keep a damn bf is she did know something about them. I get tired of the ignorant remarks whether its about where I live (and 3 have no right to talk) or when one said "Well (unlike you) I got good grades in college, and thats how I got a job". Ok so i get the grades that I wanted to in college, I was above average though and it was no need to make me feel like crap once again. Im just tried of it all. I know were all growing apart (natural) and im distancing myself more from them, which is something that I want to do (I think time away from the clique (for a short time or forever) will do some good and Im all for it. Im just scared to distance myself cuz, Ill admitt it.. I have no clue how to make friends anymore. It seems everyone here has there lil set group and doesnt want to allow anyone new in it. Like keeping ppl out is a safety net. People will tell you this about my town too, especially ppl my age. I think the only reason why I am holding on the the clique (and its by a loose thread) is because I scared about not knowing anyone. I mean Ive lived here all my life, but i went away for four years and things have changed (natural) and now I really dont know anyone. People have moved, some married etc. I know friends come and go, I understand that.. I gained a ton of new friends too. But I shouldnt be treated like crap in the process.
Can anyone give me any advice or suggestions. AM I making to big a deal or do I have a right to be somewhat furious. Im SOOO sorry this was so long, but I need to get it off my chest and Ill delete if necessary. Thanks.
Tonya
Sisterly Advice?? (Warning this is LONG, almost a novel!)
Linear Mode
