UNC Recruitment so far

UNCalum · #1 09-03-2014, 08:42 AM

After many many long nights of trying to reassure my daughter, it's finally Bid Day. I was worried that being an in-house Legacy would hurt her, and it seems like it did (but I can only speculate as an outsider). She had a maximum number of houses for Round Two but only three for Round Three (she could have had up to five). I tried to tell her that she was in great shape with three houses for house tours but all of her favorites had released her, so it was hard for her to see my side. The three she had left were her sister's house and the two on campus that traditionally are weaker recruiting chapters. I stressed to her that she needed to go into these houses with an open mind and a grateful attitude and she promised she would. Round Four (Pref night) she had two houses, her sister's house and one other. I didn't hear from her til late last night (the Gamma Chi's take their phones before they go to their first house and don't give them back until a pledge card is signed). She really agonized over her decision. She liked her sister's house best of the two, but feels like the other house she preffed was taking a chance on her even though she was an in-house legacy somewhere else. She doesn't want to feel like the only reason she made it to Pref night was because of her sister. But she's also frustrated that she might have been written off by her favorite houses because of her sister. I don't know how she ranked them - she didn't offer and I didn't ask. Being the little sister of an Active definitely changes the experience, but regardless of what happens, I hope she can put it all behind her and have a wonderful night

DeltaBetaBaby · #2 09-03-2014, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UNCalum

After many many long nights of trying to reassure my daughter, it's finally Bid Day. I was worried that being an in-house Legacy would hurt her, and it seems like it did (but I can only speculate as an outsider). She had a maximum number of houses for Round Two but only three for Round Three (she could have had up to five). I tried to tell her that she was in great shape with three houses for house tours but all of her favorites had released her, so it was hard for her to see my side. The three she had left were her sister's house and the two on campus that traditionally are weaker recruiting chapters. I stressed to her that she needed to go into these houses with an open mind and a grateful attitude and she promised she would. Round Four (Pref night) she had two houses, her sister's house and one other. I didn't hear from her til late last night (the Gamma Chi's take their phones before they go to their first house and don't give them back until a pledge card is signed). She really agonized over her decision. She liked her sister's house best of the two, but feels like the other house she preffed was taking a chance on her even though she was an in-house legacy somewhere else. She doesn't want to feel like the only reason she made it to Pref night was because of her sister. But she's also frustrated that she might have been written off by her favorite houses because of her sister. I don't know how she ranked them - she didn't offer and I didn't ask. Being the little sister of an Active definitely changes the experience, but regardless of what happens, I hope she can put it all behind her and have a wonderful night

Best of luck...please let us know how it turns out.

AOII Angel · #3 09-03-2014, 09:38 AM

She needs to stop reading so much into the motives of the chapters and worry about what she wants. Legacies, including in house, get cut. Period. I know from experience with my own chapter that having a sister actively in the chapter is not a fail-safe. If she made it to pref, it's because they like her and want her to be a part of their chapter. Whatever she does decide to do, it's in her best interest to put the chip on her shoulder away and focus on being her own person and not a shadow of her sister.

pbxtilldeath · #4 09-03-2014, 10:20 AM

Recruitment is a tough time and I understand having a sister as an active is an interesting situation. I know our chapter at UNC has had many pairs of sisters and a couple of pairs where it didn't work out. I am sure your daughter made the best decision for her. She just needs to remember that she is an individual and it is okay to not want to be in the same sisterhood as her sister (I know twins that go to the same school in different chapters). Cuts are hard and unfortunately necessary. I wish her all the best with Bid Day tonight! I know that UNC's Panhel has typically a very small spring recruitment for some COBs and Phi Beta Chi (the associate member chapter)'s recruitment typically occurs the week after Formal recruitment. While I am hoping for a positive outcome there are other options as well!

Sciencewoman · #5 09-03-2014, 10:43 AM

I agree with AOII Angel...she shouldn't second guess, although I'm sure it's natural because we all like to think we earned something based on our own merits, not through connections or obligations. However, that's kind of the deal with being a legacy. We had two sets of sisters in my chapter. Frankly, in both cases the younger sister had a more attractive personality and got along better with the rest of the chapter.

Last year, my daughter's roommate was an in-house legacy. She was also a legacy (mom) to the sorority next door, who cut her early on. Mom was OK with that, because she knew it wasn't the right fit. Legacy knew she would like her sister's chapter, and really had her sights set on it all week (plus, Pi Phi has that really neat legacy badge

). I don't think she second-guessed it at all...best of luck to your daughter!

TarheelMom · #6 09-03-2014, 03:29 PM

Yes, it's Bid Day and I'm a nervous wreck!! UNCAlum, I give your daughter credit for strongly considering the other chapter for who they are and not resting on her laurels with the Legacy chapter. Especially if it's a chapter that doesn't recruit as strongly on campus. My daughter struggled with whether to drop out or not. The house she went to for Pref night wasn't one that she had ever really had on her radar. She is sticking it out, though. She said that last night when her rush group met and everyone was dressed up (hair, nails, high heels, etc) at least 5 girls were upset with what they had left for Pref and dropped out. One was sobbing, and another one was furious. I never knew how emotional this whole thing is!

laurand333 · #7 09-03-2014, 11:49 PM

UNCAlum and TarheelMom... any word from your girls?

UNCalum · #8 09-04-2014, 07:44 AM

SUCCESS!! My sweet daughters are now sorority sisters too! My oldest (the Active) texted me as soon as bids went out and the number of exclamation points she added let me know that she couldn't be happier! I didn't hear from my youngest until 11:00pm and when she called me, she was so full of excitement for her new house and her pledge sisters and her bid day buddy that I couldn't get a word in edgewise! She said she knows she is where she belongs and can't wait for what lies ahead with her new sisterhood. Thanks to all of you for your advice and support! TarheelMom, any word?

FSUZeta · #9 09-04-2014, 08:44 AM

How fabulous UNCalum!

pbxtilldeath · #10 09-04-2014, 09:29 AM

Congrats UNCalum! It sounds like your daughter found her perfect home! I am so happy she is excited and loves her new sisters and it is so great to have that extra bond of sisterhood with her bio-sister!

TarheelMom · #11 09-04-2014, 10:33 AM

I'm so happy for you and your daughter, UNCAlum!!! I wish my own daughter's experience had been as positive. She wasn't happy with the house she Preffed at, and wanted to drop out before signing her pledge card but the rush adviser encouraged her to sign it. She went to the bid day celebration and met several really sweet girls and they seem to be so happy she is there. She said she can't keep the "tent talk" out of her head and is afraid she'll be stigmatized at UNC for being in this one particular sorority. I am SO SO angry and disappointed at her reaction, and have to admit that it embarrasses me to tell you all this. I'll let a few days go by, but if her attitude hasn't improved, I might encourage her to drop out. (I wasn't in a sorority, so I can't really relate - if this is the wrong advice, let me know!) The last thing this wonderful group of kind, welcoming young women needs is a pledge that doesn't appreciate them.

UNCAlum, sorry to bring the mood of this thread down! I truly am so happy for your daughter!

Griffins&Quills · #12 09-04-2014, 10:59 AM

I actually think you should encourage her to stay. At least a few weeks. She can always drop out before initiation if she really feels it's not for her. But it takes more than just a few days to really get a feel for a chapter.

etadrisophila · #13 09-04-2014, 11:15 AM

I agree with Griffins&Quills- encourage your daughter to give the chapter a chance, TarheelMom.

AOII Angel · #14 09-04-2014, 11:17 AM

Congratulations. I had the same experience in college. Being my sister's AOII sister has always been a wonderful addition to our already close relationship. I'm so glad to hear she got past her doubts.

33girl · #15 09-04-2014, 11:33 AM

Tarheel Mom, tell her to stick with it at least halfway through pledging. She's bound for a year so she might as well. Any boy that doesn't want to date her or girl that doesn't want to be her friend because of the letters she wears isn't worth knowing. It's kind of like a butthead detection device.

And this will sound odd, but I love that you are annoyed at her for her attitude. Many moms would come on here and be irate that their daughter didn't get everything she wanted. Thank you for not being that.