Disaffiliated Members?

AlphaChiS2K · #1 01-12-2002, 12:51 PM

When you have sisters/brothers who disaffiliate, do you find that they stay close to members of the chapter?

I ask because we've had several sisters who have disaffiliated for financial reasons or because they felt like they couldn't give 100% to the chapter, and didn't want the chapter to cut girls who would make dedicated sisters during rush because we didn't have room for them. All of them have stayed tight with the chapter; living in houses with sisters and so on (we don't have chartered houses here, so girls usually just get houses together). My pledge class of 18 had 2 disaffiliations, but whenever we go out for margaritas or dinner as a class those two are always invited and always come along. But this doesn't seem to be the case with other organizations on my campus, no matter the reason for disaffiliation.

What's it like for you?

33girl · #2 01-12-2002, 01:40 PM

Well, it all depends on the reason for disaffiliation. One of the other groups on campus had a VERY stringent financial policy, and if the sister couldn't pay her dues according to the rules, the sorority had to terminate her. That was not their choice - it was basically a mandate from their national. A lot of those girls stayed close to their sisters and there was no animosity.

We had terminations and self-terminations that ranged from staying friendly to downright vicious...it all depended on the circumstances.

ZTAngel · #3 01-12-2002, 01:46 PM

It depends on the situation. Like 33girl said, if it is for financial reasons then usually they will still be close with the chapter. This was the situation for my roomie last year; she didn't have the money to continue being part of the chapter. She is still close with the us. She is one of my really good friends and I still take her up to the house for lunch and bring her to other ZTA events. This year, she moved in with her sorority big sis.

LeslieAGD · #4 01-12-2002, 02:15 PM

Most of my sisters that have disaffiliated tend to drop off the face of the earth. I will run into them every once in a blue moon and we will catch up but they rarely stay in contact with the chapter. It's not like we don't want to hang out with them anymore. I don't really know why many of them cut themselves off from the chapter, but it is their choice.

The1calledTKE · #5 01-12-2002, 03:44 PM

Yes many brothers have had to leave for one reason or another. Most are good reasons so everyone stays close.

shadokat · #6 01-13-2002, 01:30 AM

I've never had one of my own sisters disaffiliate from my chapter, but I've witnessed it with other chapters, and I've never seen a situation where the woman remained close with the chapter. It's especially rough when the woman is a new member and depledges. At my campus, if someone depledges, she becomes sort of stigmatized. It's sad.

aephi alum · #7 01-13-2002, 09:51 AM

My chapter went through a reorganization a few years back (while I was a grad student). A few people chose to disaffiliate rather than go through the interview process, and probably about half the chapter was asked to take alum status.

The women who disaffiliated, didn't go out of their way to hang out with those who didn't (whether they were active or alum). But if they ran into someone, they would generally have a friendly chat and go their separate ways.

The women who were asked to go alum, put together an email list and tried to get together for dinner every once in a while. They included people (like myself) who had gone alum because we'd graduated but who were still around, and 1 or 2 of the active sisters. But they tended not to go to sorority fundraisers, help out with rush, hang out with the chapter as a whole, or anything.

Sisterplum · #8 01-13-2002, 03:07 PM

We've had a few sisters disaffiliate themselves (due to a major falling-out our sorority had about 2 summers ago) and for a while we tried to keep in contact with the sisters who wanted nothing to do with us. Eventually it kind of died off, but whenever we see any of them around, we catch up and stuff, but it's not the same. It's like catching up with an old friend rather than a sister. We do have one sister who disaffiliated and will have nothing to do with the sorority, but she is good friends with some of the sisters (and was before joining) and will come along when we have events (not planned sister events, just the sisters getting together....like going to the clubs or something)

James · #9 01-13-2002, 04:20 PM

You can't really blame them for not keeping close contact. They have to be a littler biter at being forced to leave. Dissafiliated is not going inactive, its being stripped of your letters. Forced out.
There has to be some bitterness. And of they left voluntarily there is more bitterness.

I am trying to remember where it is written in our rituals that you are a Brother/Sister for life, except when you can't pay your dues.

Dissafiliated is NOT inactive. There is a major difference.

What's funny is that you be an absolutely horrid person and stay active, as long as you pay.

Ways to lose sorority affiliation: Pose naked for a magazine and not pay dues.

lol.

MenaceKiller · #10 01-17-2002, 07:21 PM

I really don't see the point of disaffiliating just for FINANCIAL reasons.

I don't have a problem with inactiveship, or contributing in ways that don't involve money in exchange. But to strip you of your rights for money?! How the heck can you take back someone's knowledge of a group's private rituals, secrets, handshake, passwords, etc. THAT'S why it's Greek for life -- once you're in, you're in, until you dishonor us so much that 3/4 of all members are against you. We've only successfully removed 3 members, and more than 75% would be out if we made it based on monetary requirements. Screw that!

-MK

Pike4Life · #11 01-18-2002, 10:27 AM

I'm sorry, but in my experience, those members that want to disaffiliate often end up coming back and wanting something from the organization for nothing.

I have constantly heard the argument that "Brotherhood" is the most important part of a fraternity, and I agree to an extent. But IMO a fraternity is much more than just the memebers in it. It is a business and should be run like one in regards to who receives its services and benefits. I have had some very close Brothers and friends who have disaffiliated for various reasons - financial, time constraints, etc. - and I have no problem with that or with continuing my friendship with them.

I do, however, have a problem with the disaffiliated member who constantly comes around and wants to play intramurals or attend social events with the fraternity. In this case, it riles my feathers to see someone basically freeloading off all the other brothers. In my mind, to "disaffiliate" means that you are not allowed to attend chapter functions. You can hang out and live with whoever you want, but you made the decision to leave the organization and therefore should face the consequences of disclusion at formal chapter-sponsored or chapter-hosted events. And this includes socials, mixers, formals, intramural teams, chapter meetings, fund raisers, community service events, Greek Week, and even Initiation ceremonies.

I'm not going to work my a$$ off to make money and pay my dues faithfully and then see Bobby Joe who disaffiliated because he said he didn't have the time or money, come around with it's time for a social with the Chi O's or Tri-Delts.

And I think I must mention that for my GLO, we have no provision for "inactive" status. Once you pledge and are initiated, you are considered "active" for your entire time in college, and this means you are expected to live up to all the obligations you agreed to by joining our organization. The only ways you can "disaffiliate" is to resign, leave school, be expelled from the chapter, or after 12 consecutive semesters of activity, apply for early alumni status.

Sorry to rant, but that has long been a pet peeve of mine!

KarenC725 · #12 01-18-2002, 10:45 AM

From someone on the other side...

I have spoken to 1 of the girls in the chapter that I was- well lets just say not a part of anymore. The rest for all intents and purposes turned their backs and didn't even speak to me in class. That included my big and my little. So, while I realize thats not the case in every chapter, the chapter I affiliated with (not where I pledged)was not too nice about things.

dzrose93 · #13 01-18-2002, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pike4Life
I'm sorry, but in my experience, those members that want to disaffiliate often end up coming back and wanting something from the organization for nothing.

I have constantly heard the argument that "Brotherhood" is the most important part of a fraternity, and I agree to an extent. But IMO a fraternity is much more than just the memebers in it. It is a business and should be run like one in regards to who receives its services and benefits. I have had some very close Brothers and friends who have disaffiliated for various reasons - financial, time constraints, etc. - and I have no problem with that or with continuing my friendship with them.

I do, however, have a problem with the disaffiliated member who constantly comes around and wants to play intramurals or attend social events with the fraternity. In this case, it riles my feathers to see someone basically freeloading off all the other brothers. In my mind, to "disaffiliate" means that you are not allowed to attend chapter functions. You can hang out and live with whoever you want, but you made the decision to leave the organization and therefore should face the consequences of disclusion at formal chapter-sponsored or chapter-hosted events. And this includes socials, mixers, formals, intramural teams, chapter meetings, fund raisers, community service events, Greek Week, and even Initiation ceremonies.

I'm not going to work my a$$ off to make money and pay my dues faithfully and then see Bobby Joe who disaffiliated because he said he didn't have the time or money, come around with it's time for a social with the Chi O's or Tri-Delts.

And I think I must mention that for my GLO, we have no provision for "inactive" status. Once you pledge and are initiated, you are considered "active" for your entire time in college, and this means you are expected to live up to all the obligations you agreed to by joining our organization. The only ways you can "disaffiliate" is to resign, leave school, be expelled from the chapter, or after 12 consecutive semesters of activity, apply for early alumni status.

Sorry to rant, but that has long been a pet peeve of mine!

Pike4Life,

I understand exactly how you feel!