Need advice about dropping my sorority..

ecstaticboom · #1 02-03-2014, 01:20 AM

Okay, so I've never been a girl that pictured myself in a sorority. I didn't rush and I really didn't think I'd ever want to. But, my roommate did, and she joined a sorority and seemed to like it. The week after bid day, her sorority was having an ice cream social and I went (for the free ice cream), and I guess the sorority was low on numbers and liked me, so a few senior girls came to my room that night and offered me a bid, and I accepted.
I thought it might be fun, so I figured I might as well try it.. And also, I felt bad and didn't want to say no because they seemed so enthusiastic about it. I went through New Member period super hesitant because it didn't feel right.. I didn't feel like it was right for me and I didn't really enjoy it. But every girl I talked to said to just wait till after initiation and I would like it better.. So, I initiated.. Stupid decision.. Because now, I'm thinking really hard about dropping.

It's now been a semester of me being in the sorority, and I feel like my college experience could be just the same, if not better, without the sorority.. And it's so much money and time being wasted if I decide that I don't like it. I just don't feel like I like anything about greek life. I'm making the effort and going to events, but I still don't feel good about it. I feel drained about the whole situation. So now, I'm trying to plan housing for next year, and if I stay in the sorority, I have to live in the house, so I have to make a decision very soon. Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable? Should I make myself stay in longer? I also joined a professional frat associated with my major, so I will have good connections on campus still if I drop the sorority.

And, the sorority accepts anybody (which is nice), but they have a pretty bad rep around campus, and greek life is big at my school.. The girls are nice though, which is a plus. I haven't made any good friends in it yet though, which makes my decision a bit easier.
Any thoughts? I know in the end I have to make my own decision, but I'm super indecisive about everything and confused about this situation in general, so I really would love advice.

honeychile · #2 02-03-2014, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecstaticboom

Okay, so I've never been a girl that pictured myself in a sorority. I didn't rush and I really didn't think I'd ever want to. But, my roommate did, and she joined a sorority and seemed to like it. The week after bid day, her sorority was having an ice cream social and I went (for the free ice cream), and I guess the sorority was low on numbers and liked me, so a few senior girls came to my room that night and offered me a bid, and I accepted.
I thought it might be fun, so I figured I might as well try it.. And also, I felt bad and didn't want to say no because they seemed so enthusiastic about it. I went through New Member period super hesitant because it didn't feel right.. I didn't feel like it was right for me and I didn't really enjoy it. But every girl I talked to said to just wait till after initiation and I would like it better.. So, I initiated.. Stupid decision.. Because now, I'm thinking really hard about dropping.

It's now been a semester of me being in the sorority, and I feel like my college experience could be just the same, if not better, without the sorority.. And it's so much money and time being wasted if I decide that I don't like it. I just don't feel like I like anything about greek life. I'm making the effort and going to events, but I still don't feel good about it. I feel drained about the whole situation. So now, I'm trying to plan housing for next year, and if I stay in the sorority, I have to live in the house, so I have to make a decision very soon. Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable? Should I make myself stay in longer? I also joined a professional frat associated with my major, so I will have good connections on campus still if I drop the sorority.

Might I add that my sorority is bottom of the food chain at my school. They accept anybody (which is nice), but they have a pretty bad rep around campus.. The girls are nice though, which is a plus. I haven't made any good friends in it yet though, which makes my decision a bit easier.
Any thoughts? I know in the end I have to make my own decision, but I'm super indecisive about everything and confused about this situation in general, so I really would love advice.

QFP

whiteviolet · #3 02-03-2014, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecstaticboom

Okay, so I've never been a girl that pictured myself in a sorority. I didn't rush and I really didn't think I'd ever want to. But, my roommate did, and she joined a sorority and seemed to like it. The week after bid day, her sorority was having an ice cream social and I went (for the free ice cream), and I guess the sorority was low on numbers and liked me, so a few senior girls came to my room that night and offered me a bid, and I accepted.
I thought it might be fun, so I figured I might as well try it.. And also, I felt bad and didn't want to say no because they seemed so enthusiastic about it. I went through New Member period super hesitant because it didn't feel right.. I didn't feel like it was right for me and I didn't really enjoy it. But every girl I talked to said to just wait till after initiation and I would like it better.. So, I initiated.. Stupid decision.. Because now, I'm thinking really hard about dropping.

It's now been a semester of me being in the sorority, and I feel like my college experience could be just the same, if not better, without the sorority.. And it's so much money and time being wasted if I decide that I don't like it. I just don't feel like I like anything about greek life. I'm making the effort and going to events, but I still don't feel good about it. I feel drained about the whole situation. So now, I'm trying to plan housing for next year, and if I stay in the sorority, I have to live in the house, so I have to make a decision very soon. Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable? Should I make myself stay in longer? I also joined a professional frat associated with my major, so I will have good connections on campus still if I drop the sorority.

Might I add that my sorority is bottom of the food chain at my school. They accept anybody (which is nice), but they have a pretty bad rep around campus.. The girls are nice though, which is a plus. I haven't made any good friends in it yet though, which makes my decision a bit easier.
Any thoughts? I know in the end I have to make my own decision, but I'm super indecisive about everything and confused about this situation in general, so I really would love advice.

Sororities aren't for everyone. If your heart isn't in it, you're wasting both your and the chapter's time. Only you can make the decision to drop.

AZTheta · #4 02-03-2014, 04:58 AM

You've already decided. You just haven't acted yet.

We don't talk anyone into or out of anything.

One exception: "drop the sorority" paired with your user name creates a pretty awful visual. How about you "resign your membership" instead? That way no one gets hurt.

And you probably would have been better off leaving out the "Might I add" paragraph. Was that really necessary? It spoke volumes about you, and also set my troll detector ticking.

etadrisophila · #5 02-03-2014, 08:58 AM

OP - There sure is a disconnect between your username and your post.

Assuming that you truly are confused and wondering what to do, think about ways in which you can become more involved with your sisters. You have the opportunity to be the creative sister who initiates opportunities for your chapter.

Consider getting together for study sessions, playing intramural sports, singing for the heck of it, going for coffee together.

Consider doing something for others as a group - volunteering at an animal shelter, tutoring children (or even college students), cleaning up a neglected street, visiting a nursing home and/or extended care facility.

Believe that you can make a difference, even the tiniest one, in the lives of others.

Assuming your organization is a member of NPC, no matter what perception you have of its place on your campus, you can look forward to a lifetime of membership in a strong national organization.

You need more time to process this critical decision. I am guessing that there is more going on in your life that you have not shared (nor should you share). Please don't resign your membership in hopes that doing so will solve other issues in your life. It is a decision that you could regret for the rest of your life.

Love and you will be loved back many times over.

Good luck with your decision - and give it more time.

ecstaticboom · #6 02-03-2014, 12:28 PM

Thank you for your advice; And I didn't mean anything bad about the sorority, most of the girls are very nice.. But it is true, they have bad ratings at the school and people look down upon the chapter; so if I don't like greek life, it doesn't help that everyone on campus I talk to about it already has a negative mindset of the sorority I joined because of the name the sorority has for itself here. But thanks again for your input, I appreciate the advice

ecstaticboom · #7 02-03-2014, 12:35 PM

Etadrisophila- Thank you for your advice, this helped too. And I am not hoping that resigning from the sorority will solve any other issues in my life, but I know that if I resign, I will be saving time and money.. But you are right, I should give it a little more time. And we do philanthropy work and different events, so I have spent time with my sisters; I'm just not sure if it's right for me. But like you said, I don't want to end up regretting my decision.. Another thing is, I am involved with a professional frat associated with my major, so if I do drop the sorority, I will still be involved with that one, so I will have philanthropy opportunities still. Thanks again for your advice!

K∆-EA · #8 02-03-2014, 01:10 PM

So thought you'd like to hear my story; you sound a lot like me.

I never thought of myself in a sorority either; none of my sisters really had. I went through formal recruitment in the fall just for the hell of it to see what would happen at the insisting of my Rho Chi. I had an ok time and got a bid on bid day. Bid day celebration was a blur, I can't remember what happened for the life of me, that's how disconnected I was. I was happy because it was the same sorority my cousins were in during their college years, but other that that was just chill about everything. I was still very hesitant about joining and did not move in house or pay a great deal of my dues. That put me on financial bad standing and therefore could not go through initiation. And that's when I realised how loosing my sorority would be really bad.

I eventually was initiated in a different pledge class when it was discussed with nationals by my president. And still, I was in, but did not participate as much. I went to some things and chapter meetings but really was not putting much effort into being a member.

This school year I moved into house. And OMG, it's so much different and worth it. I cannot imagine ever resigning or anything of the like. Living in house makes you grow so much closer to your sisters in the best way possible. It doesn't seem like a chore to participate in things, to really feel the values of the sisterhood.

I suggest you wait and see what happens. Be more positive, keep an open mind. Don't be a downer to everyone else. And if they aren't the top house on campus, so what? We aren't either, but in the year and a half I have been a part of this we have improved, and it takes everyone's attempt and attitude to do so. So do your part and don't think you can't change anyone. Your sorority is what you make it. So make it great. If you don't live in house this semester, go over and hang out more often. Be proud to wear your letters, not everyone can.

And if not, then I guess you can resign, but you'd loose so much. But on the other hand, don't spend the rest of your time in the sorority complaining about money and housing and other people. I live in house and still manage to see my friends from the dorms and my organisations.

It really is all your choice, just be positive if you stay in.

rockwallgreek · #9 02-03-2014, 01:48 PM

This is an old story... Late 70s... I left California to go to school in Texas. I knew nothing Greek and did not go through recruitment. Fast forward to my Spring semester my soph year. Due to many friends I went through informal. I was extended a bid from a low ranking chapter. Sad to say that my chapter closed a year later. . I loved my sisters and we had a reunion last fall. Today, 40 years later, I serve my fraternity as a Province a Director, my four daughters all pledged my fraternity.... Sometimes, you have to take the long view... Best thing I have ever done!

ecstaticboom · #10 02-04-2014, 01:11 AM

Both KΔ-EA and rockwallgreek- you guys helped a lot. Thank you for advice. I went to informal chapter today, and looking around, I think I realized how much I'd be missing out on if I dropped.. So I still am going to think about it a bit longer, but I think the possibilities of me staying in are pretty good. Thank you everyone!

etadrisophila · #11 02-04-2014, 07:49 AM

Ecstaticboom -

Hugs to you!

Reading through these boards, you will find lots of ideas for your chapter.

You will also find that women like yourself tend to be the strongest advocates for their chapters and for sorority membership in general because of the very process that you are going through right now.

Best wishes and please keep us posted.

33girl · #12 02-04-2014, 04:52 PM

I'll say what I've said before about being in a chapter with "negative" ratings. Be in everyone's face about the fact that you are an ABC and ABC is the best mother bleeping sorority that ever existed and if they don't agree then ain't nobody got time for that. If you just hang your head and never wear letters and complain about being in your sorority, you are letting others define you.

I also found that I had/have a much easier time making friends with people in other sororities and the Greek community in general when I have this attitude. No one in PQR is going to want to be friends with you when your every move/emotion/action/body language states how envious you are of her and how much you wish you were a PQR instead of an ABC. Plus, when you get to know that PQR, you may realize that as much as you love and adore her as a friend...you weren't meant to be her sister. You were meant to have the sisters you already have.

AnchorAlumna · #13 02-04-2014, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'll say what I've said before about being in a chapter with "negative" ratings. Be in everyone's face about the fact that you are an ABC and ABC is the best mother bleeping sorority that ever existed and if they don't agree then ain't nobody got time for that. If you just hang your head and never wear letters and complain about being in your sorority, you are letting others define you.

Just want to put that out there again.
A lot of times people say bad things because they don't know anybody in the sorority...which is the curse of the smaller sorority because there aren't as many members out there as the bigger groups.

ecstaticboom · #14 02-04-2014, 05:55 PM

etadrisophila- Thank you! And yes I'm sure there are a lot of great ideas on here. AnchorAlumna and 33girl, I agree with what both of you are saying- and just to make it clear, I do wear my letters and don't go sulking around about it, I've just been confused which is why I posted this. But as for the bad ratings statement I made, I was referring to the GPA ratings that people go by- not just reputation around campus.
But yes, I agree that when a sorority has a bad rep, it's usually other girls trying to bring them down, mixed with people not getting to know any of the girls in the chapter.

DubaiSis · #15 02-04-2014, 06:07 PM

Being very involved on campus helps in a myriad of ways. 1 is to let people get to know that the ABC's are actually a great group of girls. Now, that may START as "those ABCs are a bunch of dorks, but Suzie ABC is great. Then they find out they're not great but Suzie and Sarah ABC are great. Before long the whole chapter can be seen as great. That is only accomplished with visibility. The other part of that double edged sword is it affords you the opportunity to meet other great gals to bring into the fold.

Being in the struggling chapter is, IMO, harder than being in the biggest chapter on campus because every member has to do more work. That (relatively) huge chapter can spread the burden around and have some girls who are there just for their looks, or their grades, or daddy's checkbook or whatever. You don't have the luxury of having girls just take up space. And if you can accept your responsibility in the process, great things can happen for you and for the chapter. But it IS a lifetime commitment, so please take your vows seriously. And as stated above, you will have had the benefit of actually thinking about and deciding to accept your oath instead of just doing it because.