The Hard Days

[Smile_Awhile]

You guys know those times, when you want to love your organization, but you are just having issues? I'm there now.

I love all that AXO stands for. I love my sisters. I put a LOT of time into my chapter, I attend every event that doesn't directly conflict with anything that involves my future (i.e. auditions, classes), and that is the vast majority of events. But I'm not getting anything back from it right now. And as selfish as that sounds, it's really hard to be excited about wearing my letters and living my ritual when I'm not feeling others reciprocating and giving back too.

So... what do you do? What kept you going even on those hard days?

[KSUViolet06]

You will have days like that.

In undergrad, when I was having days like that, I would spend time with my non-sorority friends and do more with my other clubs. Not saying skip everything Sigma, but I would spend time doing things that were not related to my sorority.

Tht's why it's good to be involved in more than just your sorority. Everyone needs an outlet.

This way, when it's time to do sorority things, you come back to it with a fresh perspective.

It's hard to maintain perspective if you are "all sorority, all the time."

[bevinpiphi]

Knowing that membership isn't just for 4 years. You are a sister for life, and you have much to look forward to as an alumna.
I've had to remind myself of that for some rough times with my sisters. I didn't just initiate into my chapter for my collegiate career, but into Pi Beta Phi for the rest of my life.

[FSUZeta]

your feelings are normal-trust me when i say that everyone feels this way at one time or another,not just about the sorority either-boyfriend, girl friends, family, classes, major, etc.

as ksuviolet says, when that happens, take a break. too much of a good thing is just that, too much! your feelings will pass, you just have to hang in there.

do you live close to your parents? maybe you could go home for a weekend and just chill.

[chickenoodle]

Originally Posted by bevinpiphi

I didn't just initiate into my chapter for my collegiate career, but into Pi Beta Phi for the rest of my life.

This.

I try to keep this perspective when I'm dealing with challenging Fraternity situations. It's not just for college, it's for life (if I can be cliche). I try to keep in mind the purpose of Delta Sigma Pi and the good my Fraternity is doing (both locally and nationally). I remind myself of the ritual and why I believe in this organization. I try to remember I'm not doing my job/task/whatever to make someone happy, I'm doing it to further the ideals of the Fraternity, a cause that means a lot to me.

[33girl]

Have a "hideaway." Especially if you live in the house. You go there and forget you're in a sorority for a while. My hideaways were my ex's apartment and the used paperback store. Just make yourself disappear for a bit. It's easier to do than you think.

Also this is the time of year when everyone's kind of sick of each other and the seniors especially are being pains in the rump.

[thetygerlily]

I had some big swings up & down. Most do, I think. The reason for the swing varies I'm sure by chapter, campus, and person- but they're always there.

What helped me was taking a bit of a mental break from it. Still going, still experiencing, still partaking- but not being as involved or as dedicated. Studying abroad helped I know it sounds strange to step back a little, but it works for some people. Then when you decide to step back into it, you are 100% committed and enjoying every moment.

The opposite side is to throw yourself in even harder. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't really get to know some people in my pledge class until junior year- and they wound up being great sisters and great friends. They're some of the people I keep in touch with most now, 5 years later. I wish I had stepped out of my comfort zone and pushed harder to make it what I wanted.

And to be honest... GC helps a lot. For me at least! It is hard to be as involved as you want to be sometimes, especially when you aren't getting what you want. Connecting with your organization on a national level, learning more about the rest of the NPCs as well as NIC, NPHC, and all the other incredible orgs out there... it puts things into perspective, that you're a part of something great.

As an alumna, and I've had this conversation with many other alumnae from various orgs, something I don't understand is how we managed to make everything so dramatic! Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but so many things were really blown out of proportion when I look back on it. I wish we all hadn't blown so much of our energy on drama so we all could have enjoyed it more. I'm sure that goes for anyone in college, you just feel it more when you're surrounded by the same people for four years!

Good luck though... and take advantage of all outlets you have, including GC.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Also this is the time of year when everyone's kind of sick of each other and the seniors especially are being pains in the rump.

Isn't it funny that everyone is always ready for the seniors to go, regardless of how great they may be? The end of the year is that awkward change of power time, when the seniors don't really own anything but are still there with plenty of opinions. Although I may have missed them as individuals, I was always ready for the seniors to go... but I also know when I was a senior everyone else was ready for my class to graduate too


Okay ETA one more thing... my signature is especially poignant with your post. Just pretend it says AXO instead of Kappa... but it is so true.
And in the years after, with tears or with laughter, we'll always remember our dear Kappa days.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Also this is the time of year when everyone's kind of sick of each other and the seniors especially are being pains in the rump.

I find that tension in a sorority builds in a certain pattern over the year.

Beginning of the school year (around August or so): Happy happy joy joy. Everyone has just moved into the house. Everone just LOVES each other and is super excited.

First month of school/recruitment prep time: People are still loving each other, but small disagreements starting to pop up. It's still early in the year so everyone sings "kumbaya" and gets over it.

Recruitment: Stress and drama start to build. The "kumbaya" is starting to lose its power. You're kind of tired of looking at these people every day and night for a week.

Bid Day (mid sept): Any building disagreements are put aside because YAY NEW MEMBERS.

Homecoming (Octoberish-Novemberish): The disagreements are back. The drama that started during recruitment is back because the "yay new members" has worn off. House girls are starting to annoy each other with their annoying habits. The selection of NM bigs may also occur during this time. This may flat out pit 2 sisters against each other. Sides may or may not be taken. The "kumbaya" and holding hands singing sorority songs apprach is not working.

Winter break: THANK GOD. Everybody goes home for awhile and all drama is suspended.

Januaryish: Officer election time. Drama that has been building since recruitment has resurfaced for slating/elections. Elections cause complete and total uproar. There may or may not be crying. It is guaranteed that at least 2 people will threaten to quit. lol. House girls annoyance may finally blow up. There may or may not be crying or threatening to move out.

February-March: Fall-out from election drama still exists. Current officers are literally counting down the days til May. Seniors are burned out and wonder why they still have to come around. Cue complianing. New members are now initiated. Cue more complaining from them about drama they didn't even know existed.

April-May: Everyone begins to see the light at the end of tunnel. Drama settles. Seniors start to look back and get nostalgic. They stop complaining. New Members have realized that drama is part of life. Warm and fuzzy activities like formal, senior talks, etc. smooth over the drama. New girls choose to live in house and are OMG SO EXCITED about it and think it's going to be the BEST EVAR. Current house girls look back on year and realize that it was fun, but that they are looking forward to living in their own apts. Seniors graduate. Everyone cries. They all go home. Cycle repeats itself.

Drama in EVERY chapter seems to follow the same pattern. So don't sweat it.

[thetygerlily]

KSUViolet- LOVE it. Although my chapter had a completely different schedule, it totally fits.

[33girl]

Jocelyn - great rundown - but don't forget:

POST HOMECOMING: alumnae, out of town boyfriends and out of town alumni boyfriends show up. Alumnae have fun on Friday, but starting Saturday morning bitch about stupid stuff (or are pissed that the guy they wanted to see showed up with some skank) and everyone wishes they would just self-quarantine at the bar. Boyfriends get "the talk." Everyone shows up for chapter meeting on Sunday looking like they've just gone through a war.

POST SPRING BREAK: Many "what happens in {spring break destination} stays in {spring break destination}" activities have occurred. Someone eventually lets slip and gets themselves or someone else busted for this or that. Drama ensues.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I find that tension in a sorority builds in a certain pattern over the year.

Beginning of the school year (around August or so): Happy happy joy joy. Everyone has just moved into the house. Everone just LOVES each other and is super excited.

First month of school/recruitment prep time: People are still loving each other, but small disagreements starting to pop up. It's still early in the year so everyone sings "kumbaya" and gets over it.

Recruitment: Stress and drama start to build. The "kumbaya" is starting to lose its power. You're kind of tired of looking at these people every day and night for a week.

Bid Day (mid sept): Any building disagreements are put aside because YAY NEW MEMBERS.

Homecoming (Octoberish-Novemberish): The disagreements are back. The drama that started during recruitment is back because the "yay new members" has worn off. House girls are starting to annoy each other with their annoying habits. The selection of NM bigs may also occur during this time. This may flat out pit 2 sisters against each other. Sides may or may not be taken. The "kumbaya" and holding hands singing sorority songs apprach is not working.

Winter break: THANK GOD. Everybody goes home for awhile and all drama is suspended.

Januaryish: Officer election time. Drama that has been building since recruitment has resurfaced for slating/elections. Elections cause complete and total uproar. There may or may not be crying. It is guaranteed that at least 2 people will threaten to quit. lol. House girls annoyance may finally blow up. There may or may not be crying or threatening to move out.

February-March: Fall-out from election drama still exists. Current officers are literally counting down the days til May. Seniors are burned out and wonder why they still have to come around. Cue complianing. New members are now initiated. Cue more complaining from them about drama they didn't even know existed.

April-May: Everyone begins to see the light at the end of tunnel. Drama settles. Seniors start to look back and get nostalgic. They stop complaining. New Members have realized that drama is part of life. Warm and fuzzy activities like formal, senior talks, etc. smooth over the drama. New girls choose to live in house and are OMG SO EXCITED about it and think it's going to be the BEST EVAR. Current house girls look back on year and realize that it was fun, but that they are looking forward to living in their own apts. Seniors graduate. Everyone cries. They all go home. Cycle repeats itself.

Drama in EVERY chapter seems to follow the same pattern. So don't sweat it.

I'm glad to say this wasn't the cycle of my college career, but I guess I see it happening for some people. However...

Originally Posted by Smile_Awhile

You guys know those times, when you want to love your organization, but you are just having issues? I'm there now.

I love all that AXO stands for. I love my sisters. I put a LOT of time into my chapter, I attend every event that doesn't directly conflict with anything that involves my future (i.e. auditions, classes), and that is the vast majority of events. But I'm not getting anything back from it right now. And as selfish as that sounds, it's really hard to be excited about wearing my letters and living my ritual when I'm not feeling others reciprocating and giving back too.

So... what do you do? What kept you going even on those hard days?

If this "not feeling others reciprocating and giving back, too" is what's really bothering you, I can tell you that I DEFINTELY felt that during my last semester (and a little bit before that). I come from a very small chapter (at least, it used to be). When there are only 10 girls starting out in the fall, and half of them are apathetic, it makes it very hard to get anything done.

But... I look back now and I think I loved my last semester more than anything... Because I had some of the best times with the sisters who I know truly loved the sorority and wanted to do everything possible to make sure that we survived.

I graduated in December, and the summer before that I had attended Convention and my chapter won the Outstanding Chapter Award (basically the highest award a chapter can get.. along with $2,000) and it felt amazing. Knowing that a group of 10-15 girls accomplished that was awesome. And knowing that I somehow contributed to that was even better. Everyone always encourages you to look forward and to forget about the past, but some days, it was the one thing that kept me going.

There will definitely be hard times (as with anything that you're committed to for life!), but as they say in my favorite movie of all time, 'Good Will Hunting'... "You'll have bad times... but they'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to."

[ThetaDancer]

I'm sorry you're going through this, SmileAwhile, but I'm glad you started this thread. I think it will be helpful to a lot of people, because almost everyone feels this way at some point.

I love everyone's suggestions so far---getting some space, knowing you're not alone, remembering it's more than 4 years---couldn't agree more.

[aephi alum]

Well put, KSUViolet.

Smile_Awhile, what you're feeling is totally normal. Everyone has those tough days (or weeks or months) when they think "Why did I join this sorority / choose this major / take this job / date/marry this person / etc. ???"

That's when you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Why did you join your sorority? Think about how you felt on pref night, on bid day, at your initiation. Think about where you'll be in 5 or 10 years, when you're an alumna. Step away from the day-to-day drama, spend time with non-sorority friends, etc. Don't skip mandatory things like chapter, obviously, but if there's a mixer or sisterhood event and you just don't feel up to it, skip it.

Take care.

[littleowl33]

OP, I definitely feel you. Since February '07 (my Bid Day) I have been so super Kappa'd out and rah-rah about sorority life, and some days you just need a break. Like you, I have been really involved and held a lot of leadership roles, and I know how frustrating it can be when some girls don't pitch in and just reap the benefits. Right now we're in I-Week, which is the week leading up to Initiation, and a lot of girls are feeling it. It's a week of big events and it's often the same group of girls getting the last-minute things done, so resentment can build. But it's all forgotten after Initiation is over and we have a bunch of brand new sisters. It's the same with recruitment, as Jocelyn pointed out - a long week of stress and pulling things together and high emotions, but it ends with a lot of happiness.

Much like the other posters, I would advise that you take a step back and hang out with your non-greek friends. When you do, don't spend the whole time complaining about this or that sister not doing her part. I'm sure you wouldn't anyway, but for future readers - it doesn't look good for you or for your org, it's not sisterly and your non-Greek friends don't give a flying you-know-what. Just take time to relax and come back fresh.

Also, realize that it WILL get done without you (um, unless you're an officer directly responsible for an event, in which case you can't just abscond). But if you have the opportunity to step back and let someone else handle it for a little while, take it. Sometimes I think the super-involved girls do so much that the other sisters don't think they need to help, so they don't. They may not even realize the "do-ers" are getting burnt out.

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

Isn't it funny that everyone is always ready for the seniors to go, regardless of how great they may be? The end of the year is that awkward change of power time, when the seniors don't really own anything but are still there with plenty of opinions. Although I may have missed them as individuals, I was always ready for the seniors to go... but I also know when I was a senior everyone else was ready for my class to graduate too

It was so funny for me to read this because this is where I am now. When I was an underclassman I was always ready for them to leave - except when we couldn't figure out some part of ritual or remember the words to a song or figure out how to coordinate some detail of recruitment/whatever, and then we needed them! But the rest of the time we were sick of hearing from them because we thought we knew everything.

Now as a second-semester senior, I'm realizing how hard it is to let go! My senior sisters and I have been talking a lot about this. We've been running the chapter for so long that we really do know what to do, so it's hard to bite our tongues and not get involved when we see younger officers about to make a mistake. But they've made it clear they don't want to hear it, and I remember when I was in that place! When the seniors graduated it was a mix of Wow, this is a fresh start with us in the driver's seat! and Crap, now we just have to figure it out ourselves when we don't know what to do.

[Smile_Awhile]

A quick bump to say this:

I was worried that, going into recruitment, I wouldn't be able to really tell PNMs about my love for AXO, since it's so easy to get jaded in certain offices (and mine in particular). I'm happy to say that recruitment did just the opposite. Being forced to talk about why I love my organization and why it's right for me reminded me of all the wonderful things about Alpha Chi Omega and my sisters. I'm so much more refreshed and inspired, and I'm actually looking forward to the second half of my term.