Big/little match issues

LittlePuppy · #1 10-02-2013, 04:01 PM

I may just be having a rough day, but we were given our little offers late last night. We had a really big pledge class and there were twins with everyone taking a little, so even though I wasn't exactly estatic with who I got I felt I couldn't say no. But I've been thinking and having anxiety about it all day.

See, I talked to all of our new members a lot except for a few girls who always seemed mia when I was around - this is one of the girls I didn't talk to. Additionally, I've been social media stalking her all day and we really have NOTHING in common. She played sports, is way into sports, likes completely different tv shows, movies, and music genres, is really into drama, and doesn't seem to enjoy the same things I do at all.

I'm not trying to be superficial here, but I don't see how I can be a great big to her at all. I have a feeling she didn't even pref me as a big - like I wouldn't even know who this girl was if I wasn't at nme last week! The only thing we have in common is our major and that's not saying much as I'm not friends with everybody who has the same major as me!

I don't know if I should try talking to the girls who did the big little pairings or just suck it up and do my best to be amazing. Honestly at this point I dont know if there is anything that can be changed. I'd really rather not have a little this semester than be a terrible big though.

ColdInCanada11 · #2 10-02-2013, 04:06 PM

Honestly, I think that you have the right attitude- you want to be a great big sister! (Which counts for a lot.) That being sad, I think you are overthinking this. Some big/little relationships are amazing and they end up the best of friends who do everything together, and some don't end up being *that* close. I don't think that the second option is a bad thing, either. I can also personally say, it was nice to be matched with someone who was different than me. Be happy that you have a little, and just think of the positive!

KSUViolet06 · #3 10-02-2013, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittlePuppy

I may just be having a rough day, but we were given our little offers late last night. We had a really big pledge class and there were twins with everyone taking a little, so even though I wasn't exactly estatic with who I got I felt I couldn't say no. But I've been thinking and having anxiety about it all day.

See, I talked to all of our new members a lot except for a few girls who always seemed mia when I was around - this is one of the girls I didn't talk to. Additionally, I've been social media stalking her all day and we really have NOTHING in common. She played sports, is way into sports, likes completely different tv shows, movies, and music genres, is really into drama, and doesn't seem to enjoy the same things I do at all.

I'm not trying to be superficial here, but I don't see how I can be a great big to her at all. I have a feeling she didn't even pref me as a big - like I wouldn't even know who this girl was if I wasn't at nme last week! The only thing we have in common is our major and that's not saying much as I'm not friends with everybody who has the same major as me!

I don't know if I should try talking to the girls who did the big little pairings or just suck it up and do my best to be amazing. Honestly at this point I dont know if there is anything that can be changed. I'd really rather not have a little this semester than be a terrible big though.

This is going to be tough love but you need to suck it up. Being a Big Sis is not about you. When you agree to be matched as a Big sis, you agree that it's about supporting and mentoring the new members. That is the purpose and spirit of having Little Sisters. It's not "I'll support and mentor you if you're the one that I want."

It is not about you and if you honestly are planning to be less than enthusiastic about this young lady because you don't know much about her, you need to examine your motives for ever wanting to be a Big. You're making this about you, and it's not.

Every Big & Little are not perfect matches, best friends, etc. That really is not what it's about. I think that somewhere along the way, collegians have gotten into "oh my gosh, my little and I must be BEST FRIENDS EVER!" or "My life is over because I didn't get my number 1 Big choice or my number 1 little." It's not.

So in summary. It's about her.

Good luck!

LittlePuppy · #4 10-02-2013, 04:13 PM

Thanks! I might just be a little upset that I didn't get one of the girls I wanted too. I knew I wasn't guaranteed to get anybody, but getting someone who I didn't really know blindsided me. I don't want the same to happen to her during the reveal, especially when I feel like there are girls who would make a better big for her! On a side note, all the bigs and littles in my family tree are super close.

JayhawkAOII · #5 10-02-2013, 04:16 PM

I had nothing in common with my little (we called them pledge daughters back then), and I could not for the life of me figure out why she asked for me. It worked out ok, but we were never best friends or buddies. I thought it would have been nice to share a room while we were both living in the chapter house, but that didn't work out. I wanted to get to know her better, but I guess she didn't really want to get to know me? We are friends on facebook, but that's about it.
Yeah, it's nice if you become best friends, but it's ok too if you don't.

LittlePuppy · #6 10-02-2013, 04:33 PM

Thanks everyone! I really think I was overreacting. There's obviously some reason we were put together. Hopefully it works out okay.

IrishLake · #7 10-02-2013, 06:32 PM

It'll be fine. Invite her to family dinners and get to know her better. Then you'll know you're at least trying. I'm not close with either my Big, nor my Little. I adore them both, but didn't have much in common with either. We're FB friends, but not lifelong BFFs. That title is reserved for the ladies in my pledge class (75% of us are very close, even to this day).

IUHoosiergirl88 · #8 10-02-2013, 06:41 PM

I was never very close with my big, as she graduated 2 months after I was initiated. She did send me an invite to her baby shower when she got pregnant about a year after, and I did send her a gift. I'm also not very close with my little, but we still chat on Facebook from time to time. Not everyone has that OMGZ MY BIGGGGGG!!!11!! relationship, and I promise you'll still have a very fulfilling experience!

FSUZeta · #9 10-02-2013, 07:11 PM

Great advice from everyone and it sounds like once you had some time to think about the situation (as opposed to reacting to the situation) you realized that you could make it work. Be the best big sister that you can be. You never know- in marriage they say opposites attract-maybe it works that same way for some big/little combos, too. Good luck.

33girl · #10 10-02-2013, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittlePuppy

See, I talked to all of our new members a lot except for a few girls who always seemed mia when I was around - this is one of the girls I didn't talk to. Additionally, I've been social media stalking her all day and we really have NOTHING in common. She played sports, is way into sports, likes completely different tv shows, movies, and music genres, is really into drama, and doesn't seem to enjoy the same things I do at all.

Sometimes these end up being the BEST big/little relationships (or relationships in general). You end up showing and teaching each other things and growing through your friendship, not just staying stagnant with a carbon copy of yourself. Not to mention if you are too much alike and too much up each others' butts and to the left, it can be REALLY annoying for those around you.

#ifyou2watchBeachesagainIwillstrangleyouboth

ASTalumna06 · #11 10-02-2013, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Sometimes these end up being the BEST big/little relationships (or relationships in general). You end up showing and teaching each other things and growing through your friendship, not just staying stagnant with a carbon copy of yourself. Not to mention if you are too much alike and too much up each others' butts and to the left, it can be REALLY annoying for those around you.

#ifyou2watchBeachesagainIwillstrangleyouboth

This.

What a great opportunity to ask questions, learn new things, and get to know someone who isn't exactly like you. Embrace and enjoy it!

I remember a couple sets of bigs/littles when I was both an active and an advisor that almost made everyone sick at how buddy-buddy and cutesy they were. The love they had for each other bordered on obsession. They were ALWAYS posting about each other on Facebook, they couldn't go to any event without each other, they took a bajillion pictures together, they exchanged gifts at nearly every chapter meeting, etc. It was kind of awkward.

Don't be afraid to have a "normal" relationship with your little(s).

AGDee · #12 10-02-2013, 09:41 PM

When I was a sophomore, we took more new members than we had members so there had to be some twins. I took twins. One of the twins was a girl I had a rush crush on the whole time. The other was a girl I didn't even meet during that whole week. I honestly wasn't even sure who she was. Me and Twin1 hit it off immediately and spent tons of time together. I spent some time with Twin2, but it was tough to get to know her. She wasn't one of those "instant BFF" type girls.

I needed a roommate the next year and so did Twin 2. Even though I still didn't feel like I knew her that well, we decided to be roommates. That was it... I got to really know her that year and we became almost inseparable. We were both short brunettes (Italian) and people confused our names all the time because we were just always at everything together. We couldn't have been more different in our interests and personalities, but we clicked. Twin1 and I drifted that year- she got into some heavy duty partying and that wasn't my scene.

That was 28 years ago. Since then, Twin2 has been maid of honor- twice. I got her a job with my employer when she was struggling to find work. She is my rock. She's taken me for medical exams. We've been there for each other when our close relatives have died, when the men we married let us down, when we lost jobs, were diagnosed with chronic illnesses... we've laughed and cried together over and over and over.

It was NOT an instant friendship and I struggled to maintain the relationship when she was a pledge. Twin 1? We reconnected on Facebook a few years ago and have seen each other occasionally. But Twin 2- she's my best friend. I never would have predicted it at the time I had my twins.

OPhiAGinger · #13 10-03-2013, 12:48 AM

I LOVE THAT STORY!!!

DGTess · #14 10-03-2013, 10:38 AM

From one with a lot of life experience (and who LOVES AGDee's story) - there is amazing benefit in befriending someone who is totally different from you.

KerriMarie · #15 10-04-2013, 05:15 PM

The first semester that I was eligible for a little, I was paired with a great girl who was a lot like me - same major, same friends, and I loved her before she even rushed. Unfortunately, due to some family issues, she dropped before initiation and I was really upset.

The following semester, I was paired with a little that I hadn't met during recruitment and didn't feel like I had much in common with. I hadn't really spoken with her at all - but she had listed me as her first choice, so I took her as a little.

Then, my original little was able to come back - I had twins! And the three of us all grew very close. It was great to have a little that I understood easily, and one that was a little more challenging to understand. There was one who was right with me in school-related events, and one who could give an outsiders opinion about school issues.

Now, many years post-graduation, I live in the same city as Twin #1, and see her all the time - but Twin #2 is still very near and dear to my heart.