HELP with members

[alphaprez]

My chapter and I are completely against hazing and I want no part of it. But we need to do something to get our chapter motivated. They don't want to participate in anything and they are very cliquey. We are restricted from doing a lot of things because we are on probation so I need good solid ideas of what some other chapters do to keep everyone close and involved!
Also, our new members have been acting rude toward older sisters and they see it as a sign of disrespect. I have no intentions of hazing them whatsoever but I do not know how to make them respect the sisterhood. Our actives respect them but it seems like the new members aren't making an effort! helppppppp

*** I really don't need people being negative and criticizing my question. If you are going to be rude or condescending please don't bother responding. If I wanted to be put down I wouldn't come here expecting help.
*** the reason we are on probation is irrelevant so don't bother asking that either.

I JUST WANT SOME ADVICE!

[Kevin]

A more active standards board could help you out. You also might look at setting up a team building retreat. Break up the cliques and do a ropes course or something to that effect. As far as members not respecting your sisterhood, membership isn't a right, it's a privilege. Boot 'em.

[adpiucf]

How exactly are the new members being disrespectful? If someone is being rude to another, the slighted party needs to speak up and say, "I don't like the way you are treating me." Have a sisterhood workshop about communication, respect for one another, and role play some scenarios so that members feel empowered to speak up to one another. Openly talk about the problems members have been having and how they feel. Brainstorm solutions and set goals.

You can also utilize your standards board if individual members are not being sisterly (but I prefer you to encourage members to be direct and not passively aggressively run to standards if a fellow member hurts their feelings). Remind members that standards is there and why; perhaps have the standards chair and adviser discuss respectfulness and communication at a new member meeting, as well as at a chapter meeting. Standards can also talk about what happens when someone gets called to standards, the penalties, and the process.

As a group activity, have everyone sign a pledge that they will be friendly and respectful of one another and themselves. Post the signed pledge in a visible place in your chapter room. You can also do a weekly activity with members during the meeting where people give others a shout-out for something nice they did for a sister that week. People like being recognized, so play to this need.

To boost sisterhood, have a town-hall style meeting in lieu of a chapter business meeting. Brainstorm your challenges and discuss possible solutions. Set attainable goals that the majority can agree upon. When people feel like their opinions matter, they feel empowered. Set a timeline for your goals. Follow up and continue these town hall meetings as needed.

Cliques are always going to exist. You can discourage them by pairing people in groups for activities and breaking the chapter into subcommittees. Address the cliques issue at your sisterhood meeting and brainstorm ways to combat the issue. For example, you can form a sisterhood spirit committee that finds ways to cheerlead and motivate sisters. People feel special when they are recognized and when they feel needed. You may find a series of membership education workshops and girls' night in type mixers to be helpful to motivate and help members to break outside of the cliques.

Talk to your advisers and go through proper sorority channels. They have dealt with these issues before and will have constructive solutions and resources. You might invite a sorority traveling consultant to come spend some time with your chapter to facilitate some activities and to help you through these growing pains.

Your campus Greek Adviser is another great resource to discuss these issues. S/he has dealt with these matters many times, and may be able to help you put together some goals and workshops to motivate members, help everyone respect one another, and deter cliques.

Also reach out to your local alumnae association. They can come in and talk about chapter history and what things were like when they were in school, challenges the chapter faced and how they overcame them. Ask for help and advice. Maybe start a pen pal program with collegians and alumnae. This will help members feel more motivated and to see the sorority is more than a four year experience.

You mentioned in a prior post that there is no budget for sisterhood socials. I would address this with your advisers and exec board. There needs to be some calendar with social interactions: ice cream parties, an overnight sisterhood sleepover, a volunteer project, etc.

Chapters on probation don't get there overnight. These issues existed on some level well before your time and, unfortunately, you are the one stuck doing the cleanup. Everyone is feeling unmotivated because they are angry about being punished. Open up communication and air the dirty laundry within the four walls of your chapter meeting room. Celebrate as a chapter as you meet probation goals and terms.

Things won't improve overnight, but allow everyone a voice and problem solve as a team.

ETA: Keep your advisers and national officers in the loop about your chapter and your plans. Some things may be applicable to one sorority that are not permitted by others. E.g., some sororities have a national policy where members can't wear letters; others have a national policy that new members must be allowed to wear letters. Stick to sorority policy to a "T."

[IrishLake]

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=132721

You got some good answers here.

Utilize your standards board. If your new members aren't initiated yet, that could be part of the problem. How long have they been new members?

You said in your other thread your upperclassmen want new members to do certain things, and not be allowed to do certain things. Start thinking long and hard about what those certain things are, and you may find the answer lies within your own actions. Are those certain things worth it?

You might get more helpful suggestions if we know by what set of rules you have to play by. Are you a local? Are you an NPC? We can help a lot more with a little bit of info.

Time to use positive reinforcement instead of punishment. Is there a lack of respect because your new girls feel like they're treated like crap? Have you asked them specifically why they act the way they do? Have you talked to recent alumnae to find out if they ever felt the same way in regards to the current actives?

In my chapter, new members were doted upon, spoiled, loved. From the beginning, were knew how much we were loved and valued. We were treated as equals, with the exception being not being allowed to wear letters until initiation. We had a very strong, love and respect based sisterhood. New members never had to do anything to "earn" respect from older sister. It was freely given with the faith that it would be returned, and it was. I witnessed friends in other groups experience discord like yours, Alphaprez. There were cliques, and way too many girls who did not like each other. New members in that group weren't allowed to sit on the furniture in the house. They were told to do house chores, even though they didn't live there. They did NOT feel loved and valued. If you recognize yourselves in the latter, it's time to change your new member tactics.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Chapters on probation don't get there overnight. These issues existed on some level well before your time and, unfortunately, you are the one stuck doing the cleanup. Everyone is feeling unmotivated because they are angry about being punished. Open up communication and air the dirty laundry within the four walls of your chapter meeting room. Celebrate as a chapter as you meet probation goals and terms.

Things won't improve overnight, but allow everyone a voice and problem solve as a team.

Originally Posted by IrishLake

In my chapter, new members were doted upon, spoiled, loved. From the beginning, were knew how much we were loved and valued. We were treated as equals, with the exception being not being allowed to wear letters until initiation. We had a very strong, love and respect based sisterhood. New members never had to do anything to "earn" respect from older sister. It was freely given with the faith that it would be returned, and it was. I witnessed friends in other groups experience discord like yours, Alphaprez. There were cliques, and way too many girls who did not like each other. New members in that group weren't allowed to sit on the furniture in the house. They were told to do house chores, even though they didn't live there. They did NOT feel loved and valued. If you recognize yourselves in the latter, it's time to change your new member tactics.

Exactly! You get what you give. You don't think your probation has anything to do with your situation, but probations are a sign of an underlying problem. It may not be the exact issue you are dealing with currently, but I bet you that they are tangentially related. Is it alcohol related? Chapter culture and cliques do not change overnight and teach members how to behave towards each other. You CANNOT blame your new members for their behavior when your members have modeled to them how you wish for them to behave. Underlying sisterhood issues have more to do with communication problems than anything else. It takes more than just playing fun games to have a good sisterhood. I agree with adpiucf, having more people involved will get more people to engage in the chapter and feel like they have a voice. Are you actively using a committee system? If not, start. Every member needs to feel like they get a say in the working of the chapter, not just your Leaders' Council/Executive Board or whatever you call it. Most organizations function with a committee system and smart chapters use them. Also, sisters should avoid judging each other. Maybe take a second and give that NM that you think was rude the benefit of the doubt, ignore the comment from the member that you've never gotten along with that well, take the time to find out why one of your sisters is in a bad mood. It's part of being a friend and a sister. You have to learn to get along with all types of people and learn to accept that people are not always happy go lucky.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by alphaprez

My chapter and I are completely against hazing and I want no part of it. But we need to do something to get our chapter motivated. They don't want to participate in anything and they are very cliquey. We are restricted from doing a lot of things because we are on probation so I need good solid ideas of what some other chapters do to keep everyone close and involved!
Also, our new members have been acting rude toward older sisters and they see it as a sign of disrespect. I have no intentions of hazing them whatsoever but I do not know how to make them respect the sisterhood. Our actives respect them but it seems like the new members aren't making an effort! helppppppp

*** I really don't need people being negative and criticizing my question. If you are going to be rude or condescending please don't bother responding. If I wanted to be put down I wouldn't come here expecting help.
*** the reason we are on probation is irrelevant so don't bother asking that either.

I JUST WANT SOME ADVICE!

What I don't understand is that you cannot get out of your head the idea that hazing = respect. You've posted before that you "don't want to haze" but yet you keep mentioning it.

Have you contacted your advisers like others suggested in your other thread(s)? What about HQ? If you are an Inter/National organization, you should have a solid New Member program and a whole tree of people to contact should you need help.

Are you giving New Members respect, or are you treating them like petulant children with punishments?

People gave some good advice in your other threads. Contact your advisers, HQ or other chapters.

[33girl]

Are your NMs doing things and acting in ways that would get initiated sisters called in front of standards board? If so, do so. They don't get a "pass." This is one of the unfortunate consequences of groups taking strong anti-hazing stances - you occasionally get a pledge class full of a-holes who say "you can't tell me what to do, it's hazing."

As for the cliques, make sure there isn't a live in/live out divide if you have a house. Invite ALL sisters to sit around and watch True Blood or whatever.

After reading the post below me (thank you LLG for the lightbulb over my head) I think I might understand what you mean about "respect." If your NMs are very different in temperament/social demeanor/appearance/outlook on life from your older sisters, this can make for a bumpy road. Sometimes a chapter changes a LOT with one pledge class just because a lot of strong personalities are involved, I saw it happen in my chapter. Some older sisters will be super offended and think the new girls are just too crass for words. All I can say is, make it a point to bring the two groups together. They might find out that they have more in common than they thought.

[lunalovegood]

This was an issue that came up in my chapter as well, especially with our most recently initiated new member class, as well as participation within the house. We have a "point" system for showing up to campus related events and you must get a certain amount of points each semester or you are either fined/on probation. (Is it good or bad that I don't know, but because this hasn't been an issue for me? Lol!) Girls who show up to everything and don't use any of their excuses get acknowledged and then an extra excuse for the next semester. I'm sure most orgs have some variation of this (sorry! not familiar with everyone's policies!) but enforcing this issue could definitely bring participation up.

Did your (inter)nationals give you requirements to get off probation? Work on implementing those as soon as possible. I don't know if your probation prohibits you from having sisterhood events, or having them approved by an adviser or director. We've done movie nights, but you could also do a "lock in" on a Friday or Saturday night and make it mandatory for all sisters to stay in and hang out with each other. We do this the night before initiation and they're some of my favorite nights ever.

As for your new member class, I think it might help if their NM educator/coordinator/whatever your org calls it sat down and say that they have to be respectful to all sisters, not because "Patty and Sally are seniors and you have to respect them because they earned their place before you did" or whatever equivalent BS message you can come up with, but because they are your sisters, regardless of age, and I'm sure that all sororities want their members to feel welcome and loved by ALL members of the chapter.