how to deal with a cheater?

gammazetagrl · #1 12-27-2001, 01:51 PM

what would u guys do if the person you're dating (even just for a couple months) cheated on you? worse, actually he NEVER stopped dating his ex, so basically he cheated on her with YOU...which is in my case. Im sick of crying over guys that aren't worth it and really, I don't feel like crying anyway but I was just wondering what to do with him. He doesn't know that I know, neither does the other girl know there's two of "us" . Let's just say i heard it from the source itself that he's two timing...he told a mutual friend (which is really stupid in his part coz he should know itll get back to me) that he's dating me and this girl at the same time...but anyway it's supposed to be a secret between them two guys and theyre good friends and if i told my bf that i know coz our friend told me, i dont want it to ruin their friendship though...so is ther anyway to deal with this without bringing their friendship on the line?

My sister said make him suffer in the way like, make him jealous or act like distant from him because most likely he will be the one who'll come running (i wont take him back of course)....and even have him around still to get something out of it (gifts, dinners, etc--basically it's stupid of him because he's the one spending money, not me)and then dump him...so what do u guys think?

sigmachir0cks · #2 12-27-2001, 01:54 PM

Well if you dated a guy that was still dating his ex it is your own fault. Read the fine print!

gammazetagrl · #3 12-27-2001, 01:57 PM

wait, i didn't clarify that i DIDN'T know that. He led me to believe he was single. Well i guess that's stupid of me to believe everything a guy says, huh?

James · #4 12-27-2001, 02:03 PM

Bail now

Yes you could stay and try and play him, if you are cold, cynical, and good enough. But why bother? You still have a worthless guy on your hands that you are going to be spending way too much time thinking about.

Also, keep in mind that you heard it from a source that was supposedly a good enough friend of this guy that tyour BF confided in him. Regardless of how good friends you think you are, that is a serious infraction of the guy code. IT sounds like your friend has some type of like for you that is stronger than mere friendship. Which also makes his information suspect. Faithless friend, don't tell him a secret.

This guy has destroyed your relationship and left you in a position where you can't verify his information. And one way or the other the relationship is now over, its real hard to reover from accusations like that. So walk away now, before you hurt yourself more. If you want the truth confront him with it citing the friend. Screw him, if he is going to make the accusation he can stand up and own up to it. Otherwise he shouldn't have told you.

Good luck.

dzrose93 · #5 12-27-2001, 02:09 PM

I agree with James 10000%. Cut that loser loose now before you get hurt any worse.

volgirl2376 · #6 12-27-2001, 02:14 PM

gammazetagrl:

i can empathize with you to a point, but my situation is a little different. a guy i had been friends/lovers with for going on 5 years always told me he loved me and loved being with me, but didnt have time for a girlfriend because he was going to school full time and working a few jobs. for the first 2 years this really bothered me...i thought something was wrong with me because he didnt want a relationship outside of what we had. so when he would invite himself over, i felt bad for him because he went on and on about how lonely he was. well blah blah blah - about 6 months ago, i get a call from some girl named tina at WORK to tell me she knew who i was, and wanted to let me know she had been living with him for the last 3 years and that he had been lying to me and like 4 other girls. good lord! there was one girl that was ready to move to knoxville from roanoke va (where his parents live) to be with him. suddenly all the late night phone calls, and never being invited to his house made sense.

ok there is an answer for you here somewhere...lol, i promise im getting to it. dont go psycho. its unattractive and scary. this tina girl tried to conspire a reunion of sorts and get all of us girl to confront him. you know it made me angry that he lied to me (even about being in school!!!), but i have forgiven him. hes stupid and i realize a bit pathetic - hes almost 30 and still relies on his parents financially, he cant commit, he is an avid cheater...and it make him all the more unattractive to me.

how long have you been with this guy? i assume only a few months? cut your losses. if anything, let all your girlfriends know what a tool he is, and let that be your revenge...preventing him from dating anyone you know. but i wouldnt try the jealousy route...its so 8th grade. dont play games - be above that. dont waste your time keeping him around so he can spend money on you...it will only make you look petty and inmature. move on girl - find someone who deserves to be with you! good luck!

shopgirl · #7 12-27-2001, 02:24 PM

My boyfriend of seven years told me that he had been seeing someone for several months. At first she didn't know about me. He eventually told her and then came clean with me.

My advice...

Leave him. What he's doing is not right. He's completely disrespecting you. Are you cheating on him? I assume not. Shouldn't you get out of this relationship what you're putting into it? I think so.

It's not easy to walk away but in the end you'll be better off.

James · #8 12-27-2001, 03:53 PM

Gammazetagirl, were you both theoretically committed to each other, as in had "the talk"? Just asking cause you had said it was only a couple months.

This is a little off topic but. . .

You got to watch the people that bring you rumours and bad tidings.

Do you guys remember the movie O? A remake of the Othello story? The whole situation was caused by rumours and whispers that everyone said in confidence . . . and of course no one ever confronted anyone else to the very end when tragedy had struck.

As a lady posted in chit chat earlier, your friends can be the biggest culprit in destroying many of your relationships, with using subtle put downs, and playing to your fears and insecurities.

twinstars · #9 12-27-2001, 04:43 PM

First I think you need to find out if it's true that he's still with his ex, just to be sure. You're being WAY too nice to not confront him or anything out of respect for his friendship with this other guy. Your mutual friend should not have said anything to you if it was so important to him. What did he expect you to do with that info? If you confront the "boyfriend" and he doesn't defend himself, then dump him. If he's been cheating on you the whole time, and you stay, what does that tell him about you? If what the mutual friend says is true, it's not like this cheating was a one-night mistake or anything, it's been continuous. Just lose him, don't try to get revenge in subtle ways or waste your time any more.

madmax · #10 12-27-2001, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gammazetagrl
wait, i didn't clarify that i DIDN'T know that. He led me to believe he was single. Well i guess that's stupid of me to believe everything a guy says, huh?

well now you know, so forget him and move on with your life.

MoxieGrrl · #11 12-27-2001, 05:17 PM

gammazetagrl: I am so sorry, hon! You seem like a fantastic person and definitely someone who does not need this crap.

If what has been said by the mutual friend is true. Cut him off completely. It will be hard, but seriously, what are you losing?

And I agree with whoever said that you shouldn't go psycho. It doesn't work. And besides, why degrade yourself over this guy? He's not good enough for you!

Good luck! *hugs*

CutiePie2000 · #12 12-27-2001, 05:51 PM

A: Run away from this guy as fast as you can!

Aphigal · #13 12-27-2001, 08:41 PM

Dump him (I know easier said then done)
To help yourself place a rubberband on your wrist and everytime you think of him snap it hard! You will have a sore wrist the first couple of days, but it will help you to stop thinking of him all the time.

For every week you make it without calling him, buy yourself a small treat-a new lipstick, some great earring, nailpolish whatever makes you smile.

By Spring you will only wonder why you didn't dump him sooner!!

BrownEyedGirl · #14 12-27-2001, 09:58 PM

Y'all, I *hate* to hear these stories of cheating guys (not to be sexist, I'm sure it works both ways) and I hope to goodness that gammazetagirl takes volgirl and James' great advice. Get out of it now - put your life back together, and wait for better things to fall into your lap. I promise you they will; you'll be happy again! (And with a guy who is honest, committed, and worthy of a girl like you!)

Sue_XO · #15 12-28-2001, 02:44 PM

My sisters helped me so much when I got cheated on in college. Having 75 girls on a small campus giving you the evil eye every time you turn around kinda makes one regret hurting the one sister.

We even had a trade party with his fraternity and he got so many dirty looks for what he did - he ran to his bedroom to hide out and spent the night there! he he he