heart broken

[bigdu]

i haven't posted since the summer sooooo hey i'm just wondering about having your heart broken. for me for the first time it happened over my christmas break in college. i was on and off with this girl for who knows how long, and than, were we'll not. but with this girl we have been back and forth for ever, and we have been dating for ever, a lot of girls are intrested in me but i want her,, but she wants other guys, what do i do??????

[sundevil2000]

That is so sad! I am so in the same place as you. I was seeing this guy off and on for awhile. I would go to his date parties and he would come to mine. But sometimes on those date dashes one of us wouldn't be available so he would bring other people. I would get jealous and then we would get back together but we haven't gotten back together for a month now and he called me out of nowhere the other night. I still have not called him back and I dont know if he is calling because he honestly misses me or because his brothers are gone for vacation. I think that you should not give up. Fate works in wierd ways and I am sure that you 2 will end up back together someday. Just do normal things and love will work its magic!

[mmcat]

i would echo sundevil...
fate has a purpose and if this is meant to be it will happen
if not, as you said, there are other fish out there.
good luck
mmcat

[volgirl2376]

unfortunately i am also in a similar situation. its coming up on 1 year since me and my ex broke up, and it seems just as hard now as it did then. i guess since it ended so suddenly and unexpected, i didnt really get a chance to have some closure.
i have tried dating other people but havent felt much of anything.
i have thought about just sending him a long letter telling him all the things i wish i could have when we broke up...how much he hurt me...how much of a coward i think he is for how he basically ran away from the situation etc...how much i hate this girl he left me for and how i hope she breaks his heart 100 times more.......but in the end i decide not to because i dont want to seem desperate and psycho lol...i dont want to give him any kind of satisfation that im still in so much pain.

i have however met a guy last week that seems so perfect its scary...i feel kind of bad because i am spending too much time wondering how its going to go wrong lol.

ok...i do have a little advice for you bigdu...tell her how you feel. you will regret it forever if you dont sit her down and tell her how much she means to you.

[James]

Bigdu,

You let her go. Assuming you told her that you still want her, then she has made her wishes clear, she wants other people. She is in the power position here because she determines what the status of your relationship is, that is a sucky place to be for you.

A word to the wise would be to invoke the "as if" rule:

You act as if its totally over and she is nothing more than an acquaintance that you are warmly friendly to when you see her. You don't call her, how often do you call an acquaintance? And you don't spend anymore time with/on her than absolutely necessary. The less the better. Why be her emotional support if you are getting only pain from it?

Date as if she is not in your life.

Go out with your friends and plan activites as if she isn't a factor.

Be light and flirty with her but nothing else. And if she asks you sincerely how you feel, tell her that you still care for her but that you need to live your life. And you are respecting her wishes by giving her space.

This is actually the best strategy that you can use to get her back because it tells her that you still like her presently, but are out there on the market. And she will think you are even marketable than you might really be, because she liked you herself.

If you feel guilty or hesitant about having fun, remember she is.

Also, its a sad thing, but often if a person feels really secure in the relationship they will want to experiment because deep down they don't think the other person will actually leave them. So they can have the best of both worlds: new exciting experiences, emotional security and a fall back if they don't find anything else. ITs not fair but it happens. But if you show you are perfectly willing and capable to move on, it forces her to rethink what she is doing.

Also, girls can smell deperation and they don't find it attractive.

Good Luck.

[awatters]

It's true that you need to get on with your life. If your girl knows that you want her back, she wins. I know it's hard to do, but I've been there and it's not a good place to be because she is the one who controls your relationship.

You need to date other people too, even though you want her still. You should be friendly to her, but don't call her too much. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who likes you before she finds someone who she likes. And forget that "you always find someone when you aren't looking" b.s. You have to get out there and have a good time.

[antidrama]

sorry to hear about that, brother. my advice would be to tell her how you honestly feel, and if it doesn't work out, then its time move on! like you said there's plenty of other girls out there that are interested in you, so go hang out and have a good time. you'll get over it if it wasn't meant to be, and who knows what might happen with some of the other girls! and if all else fails, use it as an excuse for the rest of the chapter to take you out and cheer you up.

same thing happened to me a few weeks ago...so i know how bad it sucks! but i ended up transferring to a different state so things really didn't look like they would have worked out anyway.

hope things aren't too cold up in purdue bro! good luck. fraternally, brian.

[LauraKD]

My heart goes out to you. In my experience, you need to do what your gut tells you to. Another important thing is to keep busy!! Spend a lot of time with your friends and family, volunteer, exercise, do ANYTHING that will keep your mind off of her. Not onl will this help you get over her (if that is what you decide to do), but you will also be bettering yourself.