Alum panhellenic - uncooperative sorority

[AnchorAlumna]

I'd like to get some advice.
We have an alumnae panhellenic in our small city. We don't do much - a spring tea for prospective new members, then we collect info forms and distribute them to the sorority alumnae. That's it - no speakers, no other meetings. Another woman and I have been "sharing" the president's office because nobody else would do it.
There is only 1 organized alumnae group in town. The rest of us pay the $10 dues, get the collection of info forms and write recommendations with interested members of our own group.
We have one alumna who represents her sorority. She refuses - well, declines - to participate. She says she'll write a rec on girls who ask her directly, but she doesn't want to pay the (pitiful!) sum of $10 to participate with our panhellenic and get the package of all the girls' information packets.
To me, this is so rude! Come on - maybe YOUR chapter has PNMs pushing in the doors to join. Maybe your members know every teen-ager in town. But most of us don't know them that well and these forms are a godsend.
Is there anything I could do or say that would encourage her to join us? I hate telling our hometown PNMs that we can help them with all their recommendations when we have this one holdout.

[sigmadiva]

Really there is nothing you can do. You can't force her to participate if she does not want to.

My advice: Just don't ask her anymore.

Could you find someone else from her sorority to help?

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

I'd like to get some advice.
We have an alumnae panhellenic in our small city. We don't do much - a spring tea for prospective new members, then we collect info forms and distribute them to the sorority alumnae. That's it - no speakers, no other meetings. Another woman and I have been "sharing" the president's office because nobody else would do it.
There is only 1 organized alumnae group in town. The rest of us pay the $10 dues, get the collection of info forms and write recommendations with interested members of our own group.
We have one alumna who represents her sorority. She refuses - well, declines - to participate. She says she'll write a rec on girls who ask her directly, but she doesn't want to pay the (pitiful!) sum of $10 to participate with our panhellenic and get the package of all the girls' information packets.
To me, this is so rude! Come on - maybe YOUR chapter has PNMs pushing in the doors to join. Maybe your members know every teen-ager in town. But most of us don't know them that well and these forms are a godsend.
Is there anything I could do or say that would encourage her to join us? I hate telling our hometown PNMs that we can help them with all their recommendations when we have this one holdout.

She said she'd do it if they ask directly. Give them her contact information and tell them to ask her directly.

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by KDCat

She said she'd do it if they ask directly. Give them her contact information and tell them to ask her directly.

Like!

[DrPhil]

I agree with both sigmadiva and KDCat.

While her response sounds rude at face value, it may help to see where this alumna is coming from. I too think that pnms should contact members directly. The alumna may want the PNMs to put forth maximum effort for maximum outcome. The alumna may also not see the purpose of the alumnae panhellenic group beyond letters of rec.

This is definitely out of my lane but I also wonder what is the purpose of an alumnae panhellenic spring tea for PNMs.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This is definitely out of my lane but I also wonder what is the purpose of an alumnae panhellenic spring tea for PNMs.

Different APs hold different kinds of events, but they are generally designed to acquaint locals PNMs with sororities, make a positive impression, discuss recruitment and provide a place where they may hand in their packets that will be forwarded to alumnae of the various organizations for rec writing. They can be anything from a tea or luncheon to a fashion show or simply a tabled event.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Could you find someone else from her sorority to help?

There aren't that many of them here. I did talk to one before our tea, but apparently she put the kibosh on another one taking over for her. This is an in-demand group. Frankly, they DON"T need us. We need them.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This is definitely out of my lane but I also wonder what is the purpose of an alumnae panhellenic spring tea for PNMs.

We tell the girls how recruitment works, what to expect, how to dress, what recommendations are and why they need them. And why we alumnae need them. We have current collegians come and talk - the girls pay attention to them, not the alumnae. And the alumnae talk - the mamas pay attention to us!

Originally Posted by KDCat

She said she'd do it if they ask directly. Give them her contact information and tell them to ask her directly.

Agreed - LIKE!

[33girl]

That's wonderful that the rest of you have taken it upon yourselves to do things without organized alumnae chapters behind you, but to try to force someone else to do the same is pushy. (The title "uncooperative sorority" is really misleading - it's ONE PERSON you are talking about.)

Give rushees her contact information and quit worrying about it. She has her reasons, and they quite frankly are none of your business. If her sorority is content to have her in this role and conduct things this way, that's none of your business either. Everyone does things differently.

PS: I doubt very much that this is about the $10. I would wager it is more likely she has learned a lesson in not biting off more than she can chew and doesn't want to be buffaloed into doing so again.

[SWTXBelle]

It is in the sorority's best interest to have an active representative in the AP - I have had luck with contacting HQ and asking for help in getting a rep. I've also had luck posting on GC looking for one!

If this alumna is not willing to put forth the effort or the money ($10!), I agree that the best thing is to allow pnms to contact her themselves, if you are unable to find another representative.

To provide a general answer to Dr. Phil - GKAP, like most APs, provides a variety of spring activities which give our Katy women the information and support they need to have a successful recruitment. We also provide information to parents and award scholarships - 4 this year. We support each other in our sororities' philanthropic activities.( I sent my check in for the Phi Mu event supporting the Children's Miracle Network today.) Watch the "Who is rushing" thread to see the kind of results we get. Our pnms go into recruitment prepared! http://katypanhellenic.org/Recruitment.html

[DrPhil]

Thanks for the explanations.

It is wonderful to be so supportive of each other's philanthropy and events. I assume the AP works because of NPC recruitment and the level of NPC support of each other's recruitment. May I ask what is the downside if members of a particular NPC decided not to participate in the AP events? Does it matter as long as that NPC GLO is handling their own business on their end (i.e., an NPC sorority alumnae chapter hosting PNM events like the ones the APs host)?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Thanks for the explanations.

It is wonderful to be so supportive of each other's philanthropy and events. I assume the AP works because of NPC recruitment and the level of NPC support of each other's recruitment. May I ask what is the downside if members of a particular NPC decided not to participate in the AP events? Does it matter as long as that NPC GLO is handling their own business on their end (i.e., an NPC sorority alumnae chapter hosting PNM events like the ones the APs host)?

This is kind of where AA is coming from: PNMs from Boobyboo, TX will go off to a variety of schools, some with very competitive recruitments. The downside is that the PNM from Boobyboo might not be able to secure a rec for Particular NPC as easily. However, that's Particular NPC's prerogative. The members of the Panhellenic may THINK they know how Particular NPC operates and how they use rec letters, but honestly, no one knows for sure except about their own org (and within that org, some chapters may have their own rules, written or unwritten).

For a specific alumnae chapter to hold events of their own (attention all Boobyboo HS Seniors, please come to a dinner sponsored by Particular NPC) would most likely be considered dirty rushing.

[SWTXBelle]

We encourage our pnms to secure their own personal recs if at all possible - and if they do, to include a note in the packet to that sorority they turn into the panhellenic rep. SO - I received a packet which contained a note that another Gamma Phi who knew the pnm personally was writing a rec. I confirmed that she was, and gave her the packet. Once the materials are given to the individual groups what they do with the information is up to them. We also network within the group - which results in better recs and the occasional "no rec" - those are just as important as the recs!

Sororities are interested in making sure they have a rep in an AP because if other chapters are getting recs on a pnm and they are not they might be at a disadvantage during recruitment, especially those which REQUIRE a rec for pledging. There's also getting your name out there - and promoting the panhellenic ideal. We constantly emphasize the fact that all 26 groups have something to offer, and our pnms should keep an open mind. I also think it helps in advancing the idea that sorority membership is for LIFE. We range in age from 20s - 70s. Seeing alumnae still in action will, I hope, emphasize the fact that sorority membership is for more than 4 years of college.

Another big advantage to belonging to an AP is that we are kept abreast of what is happening with NPC. Once a year all the Houston area APs have a big general meeting and our NPC regional coordinator comes to keep us updated - we also all share strategies and celebrate our successes.
eta - An individual sorority holding AP-type events would DEFINITELY be dirty rushing. That's not to say the Pammie PNM's mom a Tri-Beta might not host a party for Pammie where other Tri-Betas meet her and her drill team classmates - but it had better not be called a Beta Beta Beta activity!