HA! I have you ALL beat! It's a long story, but WOW! what an ending! I still have trouble believing that a guy could be so awful.
This is the story of my junior year formal. Worst date of my entire life. Here's the rundown...
We were going up to Jacksonville from Gainesville (Florida) on buses (about a 1.5 hour trip), then getting on a boat and going up the river for a dinner and dancing cruise.
The date was sort-of a setup. I was recently single and needed a date 2 weeks before the formal. I had met "S" before (real names omitted to protect the guilty, even though they don't deserve it) at his fraternity's philanthropy. Had even gone out with him and a big group of my sisters and his brothers. One of my sisters was taking another XYZ and wanted me to bring S so it would be more comfortable. I gave in because at that point, I thought S seemed smart and nice. Boy was I WRONG!
S was the president of XYZ and I was our social chair. I was working on scheduling an event with their house and thought it would be good to go with him. Good PR, yada yada yada. If I only knew!
When S showed up at my sorority house he was WASTED. I didn't notice because I was so flustered - had gotten ready in 45 minutes for a formal because I had late class. Even put my hair up, yeah!
Anyway, as soon as we're on the bus, I realize he is completely drunk. Mind you, it's not even 5 pm yet. He proceeds to tell me that he has no expectations tonight and he's not here just to hook up with me. Then he whips a flask out of his jacket, takes a swig, tells me it's Rumpelmintz, and says to me "Minty, so my breath smells nice!" and leers at me. EWWWWW!
Basically, the next hour or so is pure H***. He spills Coke on my dress, and doesn't apologize. "A", my little sister and best friend was sitting in front of us with her boyfriend - S had lived in her hometown for a couple years. He kept reaching around the seat to pat her arm. WEIRD. Kept telling her she looked "really pretty" and that she'd really "grown up nicely since high school." Then he started saying insulting things about A's boyfriend. I tell him to be quiet because A's boyfriend is one of my friends too. He says ok but doesn't apologize for the rude comments.
He spills more Coke on me, this time in my hair. Apology? Of course not! He throws his arm around me and gives me a bear hug. OUCH! S is a huge guy - over 6'6" and looks like an offensive lineman. No apology. Tries to play with my hair and just pulls it. OUCH again. No apology. Manages to smear a piece of chocolate on my dress. No apology. Just tries to hug me again. Hello, I need air ok? OUCH!
Oh yeah, spilled coke on me AGAIN (down the front of my dress) Wacked me in the head trying to wave at his brother sitting across the aisle. You take your guesses on how many apologies I got.
Then he oh-so-graciously announces, "I gotta piss!" and heads off to the bathroom in the back of the bus. I'm cold (chilly AC on bus) so I get a blanket out of my bag and wrap it around myself. I sigh in relief at S's temporary absence and moan to A about how horrible this date is so far.
Little did I know, it was about to get worse.
Much worse...
I hear laughter coming from the back of the bus. Then I hear S yelling "help! Let me out! I'm trapped!" He was so drunk he couldn't figure out how to unlock the door. Someone's boyfriend started yelling instructions "You have to TURN the LATCH! on the HANDLE!" but S just kept yelling and banging on the door, getting more and more hysterical. Finally, he managed to escape.
The ENTIRE bus is laughing at him as he walks back to my seat. I don't say anything, just give a halfhearted little smile/smirk.
He sits down on top of the blanket I wrapped around myself. I can't move so I ask him to get up so I can free the blanket. He says "oooh a blanket" and grabs the edge and yanks. Now I CAN'T BREATHE because the blanket is caught around my neck. So I start beating on his arm with the only hand I can move. Thankfully S realizes and lets go of the blanket.
He mutters, "I'm tired" so I say "take a nap then!" I look out the window and plot how I'm going to dance with him just once so I'm not rude, then fake a bad headache and hide in the bathroom or sit with our house mom the rest of the night.
Then...
I hear S coughing.
I smell mint...and something else.
The something else is NOT good.
S was VOMITING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!
Not to be too explicit with the details, but suffice to say, I saw the laws of physics defied. It was EVERYWHERE. Thankfully I was safe because of the blanket. One of my sisters was not so lucky. Back of her dress got in the line of fire.
So then S starts sobbing hysterically. There is something just awful about seeing a guy that big totally break down. I was just in shock about everything that was happening.
Finally I pull my self together and stand up (with a VERY firm grip on that blanket, my protector) and yell "does ANYONE have any paper towels? I need some RIGHT NOW!" Someone passes them from the front of the bus. I hand them to S and tell him to clean himself up. He is still sobbing and won't listen to me. I finally shove the paper towel roll in his hands.
Then I REALLY wanted to move. I mean, who wants to sit next to a huge hysterical drunk guy who's covered in you-know-what? So the sister sitting behind me and her date pull me over the back of my seat. I let the blanket fall and go sit at an empty seat further in the back of the bus. Then I just cried for awhile, my sisters are all trying to say comforting things and their dates are offering to exact revenge.
S's brother that was on the trip started calling brothers on his cell phone. Finally reached one that was willing to come up to Jacksonville to get S. We were only 15 minutes away at that point.
S's brother comes back to talk to me and says that he's really sorry and he'll have S apologize. I calmly tell him that there is NOTHING that S can say that will excuse this behavior, much less explain it and therefore there is NOTHING that I want to hear from him. Furthermore, if he contacts me EVER, I will call the police and then sue him for harassment. I was understandably a little bit upset at this point, and I said all this REALLY loud. Some of my sisters cheered. I know S heard me.
So we get to Jacksonville and get out of the buses. I go with my sisters to stand by our other bus and S just stands by our bus with his brother. I don't smoke, but one of the dates (this guy that was a friend to several girls in the house) offered me a cigarette, and I took it. I can say that I understand why all you smokers say that you NEED a cigarette!
So I got on the boat by myself, the only girl without a date.
I still had a decent time though - danced my tail off by myself or with the guys that came with my sisters as friends.
Needless to say, I cancelled all plans to do any socials with XYZ after that! We never did anything with them the rest of the time I was active.
I did get a little revenge...even though UF is a huge school (45,000+), the Greek community seems pretty small. The rumors got around pretty fast that some guy had puked on the bus at our formal. I made sure to tell just enough people (i.e. gossipy people in other houses) that it was S____ ____, the president of XYZ. I had a friend in the sorority that was doing homecoming with XYZ, and told her everything. She told me later that during their first party (which was at the XYZ house), S had come out and tried to hit on some of the girls, but every time he introduced himself, they'd say "Ohmygod! You're the one that puked on himself at the Alpha Xi formal!" After a little while of that, he just retreated to his room for the rest of the week.
Ok, so maybe it's not nice to sabotage a guy's dating life, but who the heck shows up at a sorority house for a formal completely wasted at 4 in the afternoon? Especially when that guy is the PRESIDENT and supposed to represent his house? And I'm not even talking about all the rest of the a**hole stuff he did.
If anyone can beat this story, then well, I am SO INCREDIBLY SORRY! I wouldn't wish that on anybody!
amen
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