Reflections...DAMN I"M GETTING OLD!

[PKTSU01]

Does any of this sound familiar?

I'm sitting in class a few minutes before the start, chatting with people around me, when one mentions she just got engaged. Two weeks before another kid in the class got engaged. The girl that sits right next to me is 25, and this is her 2nd engagement. Their ages are 24, 25 and 25. Here I am, at 22, realizing that they are only a few years older than me, and are embarking on this part of their lives already. Hell, my parents got married when they were 19 and 18. Maybe its just me, but I seem to be one of the only few around me who seems to NEED to be totally cool with myself and where I'm at in my life BEFORE putting the ring on my girls finger. I never want two things to happen. First, i never want to think that I missed out or made a mistake. My dad got married young, before he ever messed around, and ended up doing that AFTER my parents were married, and they've never been the same since then. I also don't want to run the risk of having a kid and not being able to provide for it. That's something my parents had to deal with because they were so young, so I want to avoid it.

I guess what I'm really trying to figure out is, is it better to find yourself with or BEFORE a VERY serious relationship. I've been in two serious ones that lasted over a year each, did the hookup thing and got bored with it.( although that's probably a phase) Then I realize, i'm still pretty much a kid compared to the people I've been chatting with. Especially to those on the board that are engaged or married...how do you know when its WORTH taking the risk of losing everything so that you may even stand the chance of having everything with that one person. I always figured, when its her, you'll know, but I gotta be honest, trying and having it skyrocket and go great only to fail really knocks the heart out of ya. Maybe its just me being at an awkward age and really becoming an adult, but as I age day by day, it seems that I find out more and more about myself, yet realize I still got a long way to go.

This whole growing up thing has its moments.

[DeltAlum]

Hey PTKSU,

You're not getting old -- you're growing up. There's a difference.

I think there are numerous times during our lives (I think a book called them Passages) which bring about substantial change. One of those times is during the latter years of college as we all have (or had) to start looking at what lies down the road for us personally and professionally. Those times can be both exciting and terrifying.

That scares some people, and the feel they have to make some sort of decision(s). Some make good ones, some bad. Sometimes the best thing to do is put them off for a while.

The good news is that you have looked at some other people (in this case, your parents) and have decided to try to do it better. That's good, but it should not cripple your ability to move forward. Having said that, there's really no hurry either.

Some things you will do better -- and some you won't. Everyone makes mistakes.

For me, there was no specific time when the earth moved or the clouds parted and a voice from heaven told me that the time to do anything was right now. That was true of marriage, career decisions, having children or anything else. While I don't say that's the case for everyone, a lot of us would be left standing around feeling befuddled if we waited for that devine inspiration before making a move.

In terms of marriage, I dated a lot in high school and college and had a great time, but I was weary of the game. There were three or four women whom I think would have made a fine life companion. The one I chose is wonderful -- but probably not the "only" one. I did have a firm committment to a lasting marriage, though -- probably because my parents were divorced. There was no epifany that this was my time -- but I felt comfortable that this was a relationship that was solid and would last.

That committment has been tested at times -- they all are -- but has lasted over thirty years. There have been lots of things we haven't agreed on, but our committment was strong enough to deal with those tests.

I suppose what I would say to you is not to panic. What you feel is natural. You're not supposed to know all of the answers yet. The time will come when you are more comfortable with the next stage of life. Don't rush into it -- but don't hide from it either.

Good luck.

[Betarulz!]

I know what you mean. One of the juniors in our house--he's like two months away from turning 21 got engaged before thanksgiving, and I was struck with the same feelign: That's only a couple of years of away. Oddly enough he was the guy I would have picked to have been last to get engaged, just b/c he's so crazy. He's an awesome, awesome guy, and I love him to death, and I'm really happy for him too. At the same time that's just 2 years away for me. But they seem really commited to each other, to the extreme almost--we had our pledge class sneak to Kansas State this weekend and he got invited and his fiancee wrote a 15 page paper for him that's due tommorow.

[ZTAngel]

There was an article recently in the school newspaper. The girl was talking about old "cd's". She started talking about No Doubt's first album and wrote "The song 'Don't Speak' reminds us all of our 8th grade break up". I wanted to cry...I was in 10th grade when that song came out. A lot of the girls in my sorority have been getting engaged. Freaked me out because I'm only a year away from all that stuff. Also, my parents have been bugging me about internships, law school, graduate school, etc. I NEVER even thought of that stuff when I was a freshman. Also, my freshman year, I'd go out and party every night. I never had to worry about classes because they were easy at the time. I also had the energy to go out every night of the week til 3am and drink. Now, after one night of drinking til 3am, I am out cold the whole next day. This old fart has no more endurance!

may people who I went o school with (HS and college) either have kids now or are getting married (or at least talking about it). I was the only senior in my sorority so I pretty much played the Big sis- mom role. I just get this weird feeling when I hear people my age talking about long term relationships and marriage. Im lkind of going, eww, gross, I dont want to hear about it. In my opinion I just turned and am only 22 and a recent grad. My life has pretty much just began. I want to focus on my career and just have fun right now (Ive always been the good girl in everything). But hey, whatever floats your boat. What's good for one isnt good for all. I know what you mean by feeling old though.

[justamom]

DeltAlum-you are on a role today! That was the pure truth!

[aggieAXO]

You guys aren't old, I will be 30 in 2 months-now thats old!!! I still have no desire to get married and no interest in kids. I keep thinking this will change-some devine intervention, some voice will tell me "its time to get married". I think society puts pressure on people to get married and have kids-if you don't then somehow you aren't normal. Take your time, no one says you have to get married or have kids, if you do great, if you don't then that is your choice and the good thing about America is we have that choice. I have many married friends that wish at times they weren't and I also have several divorced friends my age-that is a situation i don't want. Kids are another story, they are a huge commitment, one that I am not willing to take on at this time. I can't even imagine having kids at 22 or even at 30, maybe when I am 40.

[Tom Earp]

aggie AXO, sweety you anit getting older you are geting better!

i love going back to the chapter and they say damn you are getting gray, I tell them I am going back to the blonde that I was born with and at least it is not going back to flesh!

God your getting old, Well i have lived to be this mature, you may not very soon!

You smoke old peoples cigarettes, 5 minutes later can I bum a cigarette, NO this is and peoples cigarette!


I have lived and done more in my life time so far than most people will live if they live to be 100 +

AND NO , I am not that MATURE YET!!!!!!!

[aggieAXO]

AHHHH shucks Tom I am blushing

[volgirl2376]

I am a month away from turning 26. I am single as can be. 95% of everyone I went to high school and college with are married, have kids, but also some are divorced already. I am getting nervous yes, because I havent found him. I mainly worry that I wont know for sure when I meet him, because I thought I met him once or twice already! lol. I guess my worst fear is that I am going to be alone my whole life. On the topic of finding yourself...I think you find a part of yourself when you find your mate. Just an opinion. I need a mate. I need to mate. LOL...I need sleep.