A Christmas Joke

justamom · #1 12-01-2001, 10:43 AM

Twas the night before Chritmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Down the chimney came Santa with a plop, with bags of toys for kiddies to drop...
As he lovingly placed the toys about the tree, a soft, sleepy voice called to him and said, "Oh Santa, won't you stay for just a few more minutes, please?". Santa turned to see the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. He smiled and said,"Ho, ho, ho, guess I better go, gotta get the toys to the kiddies you know." The young woman stood up. She was wearing the sheerest of sheer teddy which revealed her undeniable charms. She stepped closer to Santa and sofly said, "Oh Santa, won't you stay for just a few more minutes?.....Please?" Santa took a dep breath, he was trying hard to keep his mind on the task at hand." With determiation he replied. "Ho, Ho, Ho, guess I better go. GOTTA get the toys to the KIDDIES you know!" The young beauty dropped her teddy ony to reveal the true breadth of her beauty.
She licked her pouting lips, stepped closer and whispered in Santa's ear. "OH SANTA, won't you stay for just a few more minutes PLEASE!" To this Santa replied, "Hey. Hey Hey, guess I better stay. Can't get up the chimney with my ________this way!"

The1calledTKE · #2 12-01-2001, 11:54 AM

Good Joke! Was that what happened with the Santa for your family? lol

DGPhoney · #3 12-01-2001, 11:40 PM

HAHAHA, that was funny, Thats a good one where did you find that one at
DGPhoney~

bucutie02 · #4 12-02-2001, 12:29 AM

Not a christmas joke, but i received this from a friend a couple of weeks ago and thought it was pretty funny.... hope you guys enjoy it....

Who's In Charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide
who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge, "said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen". "I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge, " said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge, "said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible
for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge.

aggieAXO · #5 12-02-2001, 01:17 AM

HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE, both jokes were great!

justamom · #6 12-02-2001, 08:06 AM

zntke-Every Christmas, Santa gets a GREAT gift too!
DGphoney-That was the FIRST dirty joke I heard in college that stuck. I LOVED to tell it because it lends itself to "acting out" and was a very useful "flirting" tool.
Why IS the A$$_____ always in charge? GOOD ONE!

Here's another Christmas joke a friend sent
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks,"What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and GI Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
"I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with GI Joe.
She fakes it with Ken."

aggieAXO · #7 12-02-2001, 01:38 PM

Oh JAM you are making me blush!

aephi alum · #8 12-02-2001, 06:10 PM

ROTFL!!

Optimist Prime · #9 12-02-2001, 06:42 PM

LMAO with all of these. Here's one. Its kind of lame, but oh well. Three people die on xmas eve. They were not really the best of people, but St. Peter didn't want to send anyone to hell on xmas eve so he said "go back to earth, find something that relates to xmas and you'll get in." The first guy comes back with a xmas tree ornament. So he gets in. The second guy comes in with some little silver bells so he gets in. The third guy comes back with a pair of panties. St. Peter is like "what?? what do these have to with xmas?" The guy looked straight at him and said "they're Carol's."

G8Ralphaxi · #10 12-03-2001, 05:12 AM

another joke along this theme...

You ask someone these questions - the answers should all come easily to them except the last (the punchline).

Q: What bird represents America?

A: The eagle?

Q: Right. What bird represents peace?

A: The dove?

Q: What bird represents Thanksgiving?

A: The turkey?

Q: Right. What bird represents wisdom?

A: The Owl?

Q: Right again. What bird represents true love?

A: -------------- (here's where you get some confused answers. Let'em guess a couple wrong answers, then tell them.)

Q: THE SWALLOW!

...just think about it, you'll get it...