How do I become an inactive member?

[cat1234]

I'm an initiated member already but I have been thinking about whether I really want to stay involved in the house. Last semester I lived in the house and things were overall really rough. I realized that most of the girls don't know or like each other that well and the sisterhood isn't as strong as I thought. I had to deal with a lot of issues like a stalker and I felt like no one was really there for me when I needed it. There are a few girls who I will really miss and I can't bring myself to sever ties completely but is there any way I can just go inactive or go to alum status early?

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by cat1234

I'm an initiated member already but I have been thinking about whether I really want to stay involved in the house. Last semester I lived in the house and things were overall really rough. I realized that most of the girls don't know or like each other that well and the sisterhood isn't as strong as I thought. I had to deal with a lot of issues like a stalker and I felt like no one was really there for me when I needed it. There are a few girls who I will really miss and I can't bring myself to sever ties completely but is there any way I can just go inactive or go to alum status early?

Why don't you ask your E-board or I/HQ?

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by cat1234

I'm an initiated member already but I have been thinking about whether I really want to stay involved in the house. Last semester I lived in the house and things were overall really rough. I realized that most of the girls don't know or like each other that well and the sisterhood isn't as strong as I thought. I had to deal with a lot of issues like a stalker and I felt like no one was really there for me when I needed it. There are a few girls who I will really miss and I can't bring myself to sever ties completely but is there any way I can just go inactive or go to alum status early?

This depends on the GLO. Different organizations have different policies regarding active/inactive/alum status.

I don't want you to disclose the name of the GLO here because of what you've said, so I'd suggest speaking with an advisor about your options.

Just be aware that some organizations have rules that restrict members from going inactive for frivolous reasons, and some don't have an inactive status at all.

[jazing]

Inactive is a really bad word. Discuss this with your adviser or president, they'd know more than any of us. For sure, it helped me understand what we do and I think it is pretty interesting.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by jazing

Inactive is a really bad word.

Why? Everyone has different terminology.

To the OP: how much did you share with your sisters about your stalker? They may not have known the full story. Sometimes we are so thinking about something, we assume people know things that they don't.

This is the time of year when everyone sits at their parent's house in their HS bedroom overthinking everything. Go back to school and give your sisters another chance. No, living in the house is not always paradise but don't let it color your view of the whole sorority if you feel you really have made some true friends.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Why? Everyone has different terminology.

To the OP: how much did you share with your sisters about your stalker? They may not have known the full story. Sometimes we are so thinking about something, we assume people know things that they don't.

This is the time of year when everyone sits at their parent's house in their HS bedroom overthinking everything. Go back to school and give your sisters another chance. No, living in the house is not always paradise but don't let it color your view of the whole sorority if you feel you really have made some true friends.

This is good advice.

Also, young women use "stalker" these days to mean "guy who liked too many of my posts on facebook" or "guy who tried to catch up with me after math class to ask a stupid question" or "guy behaving in a manner that wouldn't bother me at all if I were actually attracted to him".

Unfortunately, because of this, telling your sisters that you were being stalked may not have resonated with them the way it should have, and they may not have realized that you were going through a really emotional time if you didn't share the details. It's a really tough thing that you dealt with, and a lot of people probably didn't understand. Even the ones who did may not have had any idea of how to react or to best offer you help.

[AOII Angel]

Also, be prepared to be told that there is no option to go "inactive" in this situation. You haven't given a very good reason IMHO to go inactive, and I doubt that there are any groups that let their members out of their responsibilities just because they aren't feeling it. If you really value your membership, it's time to make the effort to make it work. Realize that membership is not always a bed of roses. You are in a group of women who have different personalities and may not always mesh. Part of this experience is learning to get along with all types of women and finding value in people even if they aren't your best friends. Find a core group of women that your are close to and nurture those relationships. Get something out of your sorority by putting something into it. Join a committee or be more active in the chapter. Don't wallow in the pity of "they didn't help me when I had a stalker". Like others have said, they may not have understood what was going on, and in many ways, they may have not know what to do. Despite being sisters, they haven't known you for your entire life so they won't respond like a sister that you grew up with, so you have to cut them a little slack. In the end, you get out of a sorority what you put into it. You make friends by being a friend. Forgiveness may help you let go of these feelings of separation from the rest of the chapter. Otherwise, you may just have to give up your membership as the other option.

[psusue]

Every sorority is different though. We had a sister go through a very similar situation (stalker and all) and while we pulled together around her for it (I hope), it was a really hard time for her, I know. Maybe your sisters weren't sure how to be there for you; could you maybe share with them what would work for you? Also perhaps seeing a counselor, if you're not already, would not be out of the question as I don't think friends can give you all the support you need at a time like this. Has your chapter thought of doing a candle pass (i.e. you light a a candle and go around the room and each woman who has the candle shares either their 'life story' so to speak or just 'what's going on in their life' type stuff if you know each others' life stories). We did that with my new member class of 30 and it bonded us really well because we knew where the others were coming from and it helped us understand each other.

If you try all of that and it still isn't working, I second going to your advisor or emailing maybe someone in your region (if you don't have an advisor). That could let you know what your options are. We also have the opportunity to reduce participation and dues through our standards board (or Honor Council) in a process called special consideration. That may not be an option for you, but it could be.

In any event I would suggest that you try to reach out to get the support you need before going inactive completely. It may be possible that you just didn't give these women the chance to support you or they didn't know how. I know my sisters, when I told them what was happening in different situations in my life, have been incredibly helpful. And like I said, with the sister who did have a stalker, we made sure she never went anywhere alone, stopped wearing letters, took them off our windows, etc to make sure she was safe. We even offered to bring her food before he was caught because she just didn't feel safe. Just let them know what's up, if you haven't already, is my advice. I hope things get better for you soon.