Wedding etiquette

[ree-Xi]

A cousin of mine got married two years ago. She was 8 months pregnant and had a small wedding ceremony at home with only her husband, her sister, her (to be) mother in law and sister in law. They made a huge deal to purposely exclude everyone else in the family. It wasn't a financial decision; they posted pictures and titled them "the chosen few".

Flash forward to now. They are having a reception at the country club, with 8 bridesmaids. No reconfirming their vows, no church ceremony (we're Catholic). I asked her sister if they are registered, and the reply was "No they are not, they have everything they need, they would appreciate money gifts."

If they "have everything", why ask for money?

I have read that the proper way to ask for money is to indicate that the couple is saving for something specific, like a house, a honeymoon, etc. I also read that it is improper to ask for gifts, and that it is not mandatory to give one (not that I would ever do that).

It just seems to me that they are doing this solely for the money. I know that they are not paying for this, and neither are either of their parents. A mutual relative (between my cousin and I) is footing the bill (they ASKED him, and feeling pressured, he obliged. This person helps a lot of people in the family.)

Of course I will give them a gift, but I am uneasy with the whole thing. The option of not attending would not be acceptable (I'm very close with my uncle, her dad).

General thoughts??