Transferring colleges?

[texaslonghorn03]

I am lost as to what I should do right now. I go to a very large southern university (as I'm sure you can tell from my username ) and it's a great school but I feel like it's so hard to find my place. I have rushed not once, but twice, and both times I was dropped from recruitment. I have friends in every chapter, and know about half the girls in a specific chapter, but it still didn't work out. I have heard from multiple people that girls just fall through the cracks here because there are sooooo many people that go through rush, but it still hurts.

Greek life is something that I so strongly wanted to be a part of, and even most of my guy friends are greek, and I always get teased for being GDI. But I feel like these are the kind of people that I most closely identify with, and I just don't understand it.

So my point to all this is, along with other factors because I go to such a massive university, I have had trouble finding my group of people. I mean I have plenty of friends, but they all have their organizations (mainly GLOs) that they ALSO have, and I can't help but be jealous and feel left out. I am very strongly considering transferring to a smaller school where I can be more involved in the school community, and most likely get a bid.

I just don't know if that is a stupid idea or not, I feel kind of dumb for factoring greek life into my transfer decision, but I can't help it. I just want to hear some insight from posters on here, so let me know what yall think please!

[APhi4Ever]

Originally Posted by texaslonghorn03

I am lost as to what I should do right now. I go to a very large southern university (as I'm sure you can tell from my username ) and it's a great school but I feel like it's so hard to find my place. I have rushed not once, but twice, and both times I was dropped from recruitment. I have friends in every chapter, and know about half the girls in a specific chapter, but it still didn't work out. I have heard from multiple people that girls just fall through the cracks here because there are sooooo many people that go through rush, but it still hurts.

Greek life is something that I so strongly wanted to be a part of, and even most of my guy friends are greek, and I always get teased for being GDI. But I feel like these are the kind of people that I most closely identify with, and I just don't understand it.

So my point to all this is, along with other factors because I go to such a massive university, I have had trouble finding my group of people. I mean I have plenty of friends, but they all have their organizations (mainly GLOs) that they ALSO have, and I can't help but be jealous and feel left out. I am very strongly considering transferring to a smaller school where I can be more involved in the school community, and most likely get a bid.

I just don't know if that is a stupid idea or not, I feel kind of dumb for factoring greek life into my transfer decision, but I can't help it. I just want to hear some insight from posters on here, so let me know what yall think please!

QFP

I pm'd you.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by texaslonghorn03

I am lost as to what I should do right now. I go to a very large southern university (as I'm sure you can tell from my username ) and it's a great school but I feel like it's so hard to find my place. I have rushed not once, but twice, and both times I was dropped from recruitment. I have friends in every chapter, and know about half the girls in a specific chapter, but it still didn't work out. I have heard from multiple people that girls just fall through the cracks here because there are sooooo many people that go through rush, but it still hurts.

Greek life is something that I so strongly wanted to be a part of, and even most of my guy friends are greek, and I always get teased for being GDI. But I feel like these are the kind of people that I most closely identify with, and I just don't understand it.

So my point to all this is, along with other factors because I go to such a massive university, I have had trouble finding my group of people. I mean I have plenty of friends, but they all have their organizations (mainly GLOs) that they ALSO have, and I can't help but be jealous and feel left out. I am very strongly considering transferring to a smaller school where I can be more involved in the school community, and most likely get a bid.

I just don't know if that is a stupid idea or not, I feel kind of dumb for factoring greek life into my transfer decision, but I can't help it. I just want to hear some insight from posters on here, so let me know what yall think please!

It seems like Greek life (which, according to you, in the only way to find your place on your campus) is the only reason you have for transferring. Many people have happy, fulfilling lives on campus without being Greek. That being said, I understand that it can hurt not to get what you really want.

I can tell you that transferring to a smaller school with a less competitive Greek life does not engender you to "most likely get a bid". Your chances might be even lower because you will be an upperclassman, won't know many people, etc.

If you have had two unsuccessful rounds recruitment, I don't think it's a matter of "falling through the cracks". I don't mean to sound unkind, but that is something that people say to make others feel better. Once, it might be the case, if there was some error in entering info into the computer, or perhaps you had the same or similar name as another PNM, but not twice.

You say that you have a lot of friends in the sororities - have you asked them for honest opinions on how you come across? Obviously not during recruitment, but they might be able to let you know where you might be able to spruce things up (conversation skills, putting forward a polished look, improve grades or participation on campus).

Some questions that might help us help you:

At which rounds were you cut?
Did you have any parties left at any point that you didn't attend?
What is your GPA?
Do you belong to other clubs or activities?

[texaslonghorn03]

I'm not saying that it is the only way to find my place on campus, there are spirit groups and stuff on campus that I have tried out for also, and those are super competitive and I haven't gotten into them either. I know that Greek life isn't the only way to have a fulfilling experience on campus, but even in my other clubs (because I am in other clubs and organizations), I'm friends with mostly the Greeks, because those are the people I tend to get along with.

I know it sounds bad, like I'm rude or hideous or something, but like honestly, (I promise I'm not conceited), I'm pretty, I'm funny, outgoing, very easy-going person. I have a 3.5, I was in 4 other organizations, one of which I was an officer in, active in my church youth group.

The friends I made last year that are in sororities told me I had really really good chances of getting a bid this year, one of those girls is now my roommate, and during rush, she told me I was one of their top girls. I know here it's very hard to rush if you aren't a freshman, so I don't know if that contributed to it, but like when I find out I got cut, they were all just kind of in disbelief. I know that those decisions don't rely on just one person in the house, but through them (and I'm referring to my roommates sorority specifically), I met about half the chapter, and they would all come up to me and say hi during recruitment. In other ones, my friends came up and talked to me as well. I'm not rude or socially awkward or snappy or anything, I truly don't understand.

I was cut after the second day, I got invited back to 3 parties after day 1 (which is not very many) and then completely dropped after day 2. I didn't skip parties or anything like that.

I'm not really sure what else to say, and I'm not looking for somebody to comfort me about it, but I just feel like I don't have that close group of people that I really want. No matter where I find them, whether it be a GLO or not, I just am having a lot of trouble here at my very large university.

Also, when I decided to go here, I picked it last minute without ever thinking it through (like I chose it, applied, and was accepted in about 2 weeks, and was attending 2 months later because I graduated high school a semester early and started in the spring of 2009) so I never got to do the whole go on college trips and decide where I want to be thing, and I kind of regret that.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by texaslonghorn03

I'm not saying that it is the only way to find my place on campus, there are spirit groups and stuff on campus that I have tried out for also, and those are super competitive and I haven't gotten into them either.

>> Perhaps socially based organizations might not be a good fit for you. People find friends in every place imaginable - classes, formal clubs, on the bus or train on their way to work everyday. Get to know people who you encounter on a regular basis (floor mate, people in your major, service/charity events, campus entertainment (concerts, drama student productions, weekly movies, etc.).

I know that Greek life isn't the only way to have a fulfilling experience on campus, but even in my other clubs (because I am in other clubs and organizations),

>> But you are considering transferring to another school on the pretense that you will have an easier time getting a bid.

I'm friends with mostly the Greeks, because those are the people I tend to get along with.

>> Make friends or further develop friendships with people in other areas of your life. Maybe you are subconsciously making friendships based on the hope of gaining allies during recruitment.

I know it sounds bad, like I'm rude or hideous or something, but like honestly, (I promise I'm not conceited), I'm pretty, I'm funny, outgoing, very easy-going person.

>> You are making an assumption that those subjective qualities are all that matter, or are the most important elements of Greek membership. Or perhaps suggesting that Greek members are on a higher plane and more worthy of your friendship or efforts.

I have a 3.5, I was in 4 other organizations, one of which I was an officer in, active in my church youth group.

The friends I made last year that are in sororities told me I had really really good chances of getting a bid this year,

>> But, you didn't. Plus, NO ONE can tell you with any level of certainty that you have a "really good chance...this year".

one of those girls is now my roommate, and during rush, she told me I was one of their top girls.

>> Again, NO ONE can tell you that you are one of their "top girls". Having a roommate in a sorority really doesn't mean much, especially if chapters and the PNM pools are large. Don't forget that having that type of discussion might be against private membership selection information. Lastly, if you were one of the top prospects, you would have been asked back to the next round.

I know here it's very hard to rush if you aren't a freshman, so I don't know if that contributed to it, but like when I find out I got cut, they were all just kind of in disbelief.

>> I am sure that "all" is a generalization. The "disbelief" sounds like someone is being polite and trying to let you down easily.

I know that those decisions don't rely on just one person in the house, but through them (and I'm referring to my roommates sorority specifically), I met about half the chapter, and they would all come up to me and say hi during recruitment.

>> That's part of the process.

In other ones, my friends came up and talked to me as well. I'm not rude or socially awkward or snappy or anything, I truly don't understand.

I was cut after the second day, I got invited back to 3 parties after day 1 (which is not very many) and then completely dropped after day 2. I didn't skip parties or anything like that.

I'm not really sure what else to say, and I'm not looking for somebody to comfort me about it, but I just feel like I don't have that close group of people that I really want. No matter where I find them, whether it be a GLO or not, I just am having a lot of trouble here at my very large university.

>> That is understandable, but midway through your third semester, I'd imagine that you have started to find activities and groups of people with similar interests or situations (clubs, dorms, religious affiliation, etc.). When you say you "were" in four activities and "was" president of one, are you saying you are no longer participating in anything?

Also, when I decided to go here, I picked it last minute without ever thinking it through (like I chose it, applied, and was accepted in about 2 weeks,

>> Hindsight is 20/20. I see a parallel between your wanting to transfer just because you want to try to get into a sorority at a less competitive school, and this admission of rushing into things or making snap judgment. Just going off what you tell us.

and was attending 2 months later because I graduated high school a semester early and started in the spring of 2009) so I never got to do the whole go on college trips and decide where I want to be thing, and I kind of regret that.

>> You need to give things time and effort. Out of the tens of thousands of students at your school, I'm sure that most people find a way to be fulfilled socially, whether it's through Greek life, social clubs, the arts, political or religious beliefs. etc. You need to make the most of the options you DO have, not obsessing over what you don't have.

I'm not sure what you are looking for here. I don't think that people will support or validate your decision to transfer simply because you had two failed recruitments and think that going elsewhere will give you a better chance of getting a bid. I'm trying to be straightforward with you, and do empathize with your disappointment.

Good luck.

[thetaj]

Don't transfer for any one reason, no matter what it is. But if in your heart you don't want to spend the rest of your college career there, go ahead and transfer. If you feel like if you went through rush at a new school and were not offered a bid that you would think transferring was a complete waste, then don't bother. But hey, I know how it feels to not have found a perfect fit. I transferred after my freshman year (had NOTHING to do with greek life; I rushed for my first & only time at my second school sophomore year) to a school 700 miles away and it was the best decision I have made to date. It's okay to make something your top reason for leaving, as long as it isn't your only reason.

[LadyLonghorn]

This is hard. Really hard. To those who don’t believe that girls slip through the cracks at Texas, it does happen. So many GC people were excited about the new quotas at UT, but for the most part those quotas did not positively affect re-rushers and they were given way too much hope. You can still be a really great girl and not get a bid the second time around even if you’ve done everything right. It happens. (And yes, there are also many pnms who really were not sorority material too, so don’t think that every single one of the unplaced ones were girls who fell through the cracks.) A re-rushing sophomore can be a great girl and know lots of sisters, but in the end, there are 800 brand new freshmen and transfers to choose from. Everyone is competing for those, and re-rushers get little consideration since they already got a chance last time. It’s not always a “once cut always cut” rule type of thing, but that ends up being the de facto situation.

UT is a huge campus with a small Greek population in comparison to the overall population, but Greeks are everywhere. Even being Greek, sometimes you feel like you can’t get away from it and it’s really hard to go anywhere and just be by yourself for an hour or two without having to be prepared to be Suzy Sorority at all times. I really can imagine how hard it would be to want to be Greek so much and be confronted with it every day. If you let your entire life revolve around being at and around campus and you’re in a certain social sphere where most of your friends and the people you meet are Greek, I’m sure it can be very overwhelming. However I don’t think transferring schools will solve the problem.

Just because a school is smaller and has a more inclusive Greek system, doesn’t mean that you will be able to get a bid, especially since you will be a junior at the very earliest and a second semester junior if you have to wait until fall. Even if you do receive a bid, Greek life at your new school may very well not live up to your expectations. It’s really hard to compare being Greek at a school like Texas with that of another school that’s the kind where you’d be likely to get a bid. You’ll also be older than most pledges and in a very different place emotionally (as you would be if you’d been active for two years already.) Your relationship with your sorority changes through the years, and some of the demands of being a new member can just be annoying and time consuming once you’re no longer an enthusiastic freshman. Let’s not forget that you may not be able to get into one your “dream” groups, no matter how small and non-competitive the school is. Consider how would you feel if you transfer and things still don’t work out on the sorority/social front. It could end up a much worse situation than what you’re in now.

If you’re from Texas or surrounding areas, you’re giving up a degree from a hugely respected school just because you’re having social issues. Are you going to quit your future jobs just because you don’t like your coworkers or haven’t built the kinds of relationships you want?

Here’s what I think you should consider. Stay at UT but manage to get involved with things you’re passionate about away from campus. Get out of your own thoughts of isolation and self pity that are dragging you down and help people who really do have horrible problems. Volunteer at the children’s hospital. Volunteer to help underprivileged children learn to read. Help deliver food and supplies to the homeless. Get more involved with your church and their outreach programs. Even when you’re in school, not everything you do has to be centered around school and with people who are Greek. It’s part of being a well-rounded human being.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Wait, wait, wait...did you have recs? I don't see you mentioning them anywhere, and that really could have hurt you. It's too late now, of course, but I'm curious anyway.

[IrishLake]

^^^ Ditto

[AZTheta]

@LadyLonghorn, your post is one that I'd like to have saved so that it can be re-posted in other threads, as this is a topic that re-occurs with some frequency. Is that possible? I think your words can be applied to many other schools in addition to UT. Thanks for the insight and advice.

[BadCat25]

I am just going to toss this out as a possibility. Try to transfer to Rice University in Houston. Great school and no GLOs. You won't feel like crap for not being greek because nobody else is either.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by BadCat25

I am just going to toss this out as a possibility. Try to transfer to Rice University in Houston. Great school and no GLOs. You won't feel like crap for not being greek because nobody else is either.

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

If you’re from Texas or surrounding areas, you’re giving up a degree from a hugely respected school just because you’re having social issues. Are you going to quit your future jobs just because you don’t like your coworkers or haven’t built the kinds of relationships you want?

Not that I'm saying Rice isn't respected, but picking it just because it DOESN'T have GLOs is as silly as picking a school because it DOES.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by texaslonghorn03

I'm not saying that it is the only way to find my place on campus, there are spirit groups and stuff on campus that I have tried out for also, and those are super competitive and I haven't gotten into them either. I know that Greek life isn't the only way to have a fulfilling experience on campus, but even in my other clubs (because I am in other clubs and organizations), I'm friends with mostly the Greeks, because those are the people I tend to get along with.

I know it sounds bad, like I'm rude or hideous or something, but like honestly, (I promise I'm not conceited), I'm pretty, I'm funny, outgoing, very easy-going person. I have a 3.5, I was in 4 other organizations, one of which I was an officer in, active in my church youth group.

The friends I made last year that are in sororities told me I had really really good chances of getting a bid this year, one of those girls is now my roommate, and during rush, she told me I was one of their top girls. I know here it's very hard to rush if you aren't a freshman, so I don't know if that contributed to it, but like when I find out I got cut, they were all just kind of in disbelief. I know that those decisions don't rely on just one person in the house, but through them (and I'm referring to my roommates sorority specifically), I met about half the chapter, and they would all come up to me and say hi during recruitment. In other ones, my friends came up and talked to me as well. I'm not rude or socially awkward or snappy or anything, I truly don't understand.

I was cut after the second day, I got invited back to 3 parties after day 1 (which is not very many) and then completely dropped after day 2. I didn't skip parties or anything like that.

I'm not really sure what else to say, and I'm not looking for somebody to comfort me about it, but I just feel like I don't have that close group of people that I really want. No matter where I find them, whether it be a GLO or not, I just am having a lot of trouble here at my very large university.

Also, when I decided to go here, I picked it last minute without ever thinking it through (like I chose it, applied, and was accepted in about 2 weeks, and was attending 2 months later because I graduated high school a semester early and started in the spring of 2009) so I never got to do the whole go on college trips and decide where I want to be thing, and I kind of regret that.

First, LadyLonghorn's post explains the system at your school very well, so that's something you should read and absorb. Beyond that, your roommate probably does feel like you'd be a good fit, and many of your other friends might, too. But that's just not always enough, especially at a large, competitive recruitment. I can imagine you're frustrated, but keep trying to make friends in the clubs you've joined. It's possible to find a close group of friends on a large campus without a sorority, for sure.

It sounds like you might want to consider looking at smaller schools. Some people aren't cut out for the huge campuses...I wasn't. Large campuses would likely have overwhelmed me and it was easier to find a place at a small school. (And even if I hadn't gone Greek, I'm confident I would have found a group to join on my campus that would have made me happy. We have many options, as do most campuses.) I did not apply to any large schools and that was the right decision for me. If you think this might be part of your problem, keep your GPA up and spend some time researching small schools that can meet your academic needs. If you are already in your major program, make sure whatever school you're looking at has a strong department in that area. Check out what clubs and groups they offer...and not just in the Greek department. If you're on scholarship, factor in the budgetary changes you'll need to make. Research carefully this time.

All that being said, don't transfer from a good school (and you are at a good school) just because of this. If you find a school that you think is a better fit for you and you can transfer with no major problems, fine. Just don't let this one thing send you running.

[texaslonghorn03]

Thank you all for your words of advice. I did have rec letters for about 3/4 of the houses, but the thing is, so does everyone else. And about half of the girls in my rush group were at least a legacy to one sorority, if not double and triple legacies.

I spoke with my sister about all of this, and she jokingly told me I was going through a mid-college crisis, and that things would work out for me. Y'all are reiterating that, so I'm much more comfortable with my decision. I sometimes just get caught up in the could've/should've/would've scenarios, and I need to learn to better redirect my thoughts to the positive. I guess I just got to thinking "what if I did this..." but after really considering it, I don't think it would be the best life decision for me.

And definitely agree with AZTheta, LadyLonghorn's post should be saved because I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this, and the way she put things really made me feel better.

Thanks again everybody

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Also, I want to let you in on a giant secret: Most of us are disillusioned by our orgs by sophomore or junior year. While we love our sisters, and the values of the sorority and all that, the "OMGTHISSORORITYISTHEGREATESTTHINGTHATSEVERHAPPENE DTOME" feeling wears off much, much faster than you might realize from the outside.