Going through recruitment, encouragement?

[toquader]

Hello. I'm sorry if I'm not posting this in the right place, I'm new. Also apologies in advance, this post is pretty ramble-y.

My story - I'm a sophomore going through recruitment again at one of the most intense rush programs in the country (or so I've learned from reading on these boards). Last year as a freshman, I received heavy cuts right before pref round and thought that I was "too good" for the houses I got back, so I dropped out. A lot of this was due to my obsessive readings of a certain college gossip site that absolutely rips apart "bottom houses". Gossip about sorority chapters is so intense at my school. It took over my brain.

Since then, I've had a HUGE attitude adjustment and I'm going through recruitment again with as open a mind as possible. I strongly want to be a part of this system, I know this. I will join any house on campus. I'm making the same mistakes as last year, though, by talking to my friends about their lists and reading that INFERNAL gossip site and getting sucked back into the top house/bottom house thing. That's whats killing me the most - the "rankings" and the negative emotions that stem.

Please understand that I am not the kind of person who lets the opinions of others affect me! I hate these feelings that are popping up again! The shame of being cut from "top houses", the embarrassment of liking "bottom houses", etc. It's absolutely, ludicrously stupid for someone who badly wants to be a part of this system. But the gossip/tent talk digs itself into my brain and tells me that if I join a house with the "awkward girls", that'll confirm my fear that I'm an awkward girl as well.

I loathe the day I found the greek gossip/ranking sites. I truly want to be happy in any house on campus. I'm afraid that come bid day though, I'll find out the houses that my friends joined and feel inferior to them if the house I join is a "bottom" house.

So I know two things I need to stop doing immediately: reading that gossip site and talking to my friends about the houses they get back. I know the answer to this question, but I need to hear it from all of you lovely sorority women, past, present, whatever: ALL houses are good houses, right? All of them, regardless of ranking or gossip or reputations, will allow me to enjoy all aspects of sisterhood and greek life? Because that's all thats important, yeah?

I've read a lot of posts on here and I trust that many of you are very kind, so thank you SO much for any reassurance you can provide.

[arrowlady]

Sounds like you know what you need to do, keep an open mind and stick to your convictions. If you find a house where you are happy and relate to the girls does it really matter what others think?????

Don't engage in tent talk and stay strong. I wish you the best and hope you find your greek home!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I'm 10+ years removed from my own rush experience, but the way I see it now, I AM an awkward girl. So what? Some people are more introverted than others, and we live in a society that asks everybody to be an extrovert. I prefer a few close friends to lots of friends. I prefer one-on-one time with over big parties. I like staying in to read.

Now, if you had told my 17-year-old self this, I probably wouldn't have agreed, and insisted that I am fun at parties and lots of people like me and all that, but the truth is, I was never cut out for a house that expects women to be "on" all of the time, and the chapter I pledged was the right one.

The bottom line is that your sorority is not something that makes you superior or inferior. Chapters are just different, and you should not try to force a fit with something that maybe isn't really you.

[psusue]

First of all, it is commendable that you realize what went wrong and are willing to change yourself in order to (potentially) find a home. That growth, even if you do not find a chapter, is something that will help you long term, regardless of sorority membership. So kudos.

Second, you know what you need to stop doing, so do it. There is an application named (aptly) "Self Control" (you can google it), where it blocks websites that you list for a prescribed amount of time. Nothing, not even turning your computer off or throwing it against a wall, will make the website appear before the time is up. It is excellent for habit breaking and I suggest you try it if you are serious about stopping reading this website. Unfortunately a similar item is not available for tent talk with friends, but perhaps one good habit will feed another.

Third, and this is important; joining a chapter that is considered awkward does not make you awkward. No more do you suddenly become fat if you join the "fat" chapter, that would be ridiculous. You are who you are and being a in a sorority doesn't change that, it improves it if anything. You could potentially be the social butterfly of the group and they could learn things from you. You in turn will also learn from them (this is true of any group experience) if you commit to spending time with them. That is a fact. Great or small, you will learn things in group life and it will benefit you as a person.

Fourth, and this is a life lesson not just a sorority lesson, you are who you are and you should not let anyone hold you back from potentially making decisions that could benefit you. So what if your friends think that those girls are "awkward"? If you like them that's all that matters, and I bet once you all start hanging out together they will learn that in fact they are pretty cool girls. Sorority life has much to offer you, no matter the chapter, as you have much to potentially give the chapter. Social skills, networking skills, organization and leadership skills, the list goes on an on, regardless of chapter designation. Are you willing to potentially miss out on all of that because "you didn't want to be in the awkward chapter"? There are people who live with this regret and wish that they'd made a different decision. My advice is if you think you want to be Greek, go through recruitment! You never know what you may find, but it just might be a second home.

Sorry this was so long but this is an issue that I feel passionate about. If you have any more questions feel free to PM me, I can try to answer them as well as I can. And keep reading the boards, they are a wealth of information and a surefire attitude changer (especially if you read some of the unsuccessful recruitment stories-- some are heartbreakers). This advice, depending on your school, may not matter at all because at some schools after freshman year it gets exponentially harder to join a chapter. At others it does not matter as much. All you can do is go through recruitment with the best grades, attitude, overall look, and conversation that you can (recs too if your school needs them). Good luck and let us know how things go.

[toquader]

Thank you, all of you. Everything you've said is exactly what I've needed to hear.

I had a few free rounds this morning, now I'm off to my first house with a much better outlook.

Seriously, THANK YOU. I wish you could know how much this helped.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by toquader

Thank you, all of you. Everything you've said is exactly what I've needed to hear.

I had a few free rounds this morning, now I'm off to my first house with a much better outlook.

Seriously, THANK YOU. I wish you could know how much this helped.

Feel free to PM me or IM me on AIM at SthrnZeta - I'd be happy to tell you about my experience Good luck, sounds like you already know what to do!

[arrowlady]

Originally Posted by toquader

Thank you, all of you. Everything you've said is exactly what I've needed to hear.

I had a few free rounds this morning, now I'm off to my first house with a much better outlook.

Seriously, THANK YOU. I wish you could know how much this helped.

I am so happy to hear this! Hope you have a great afternoon!

And remember Stay Strong!

[FSUZeta]

please don't feel bad about the past. so many people get caught up just like you did. the important thing is that you learned from that experience. best wishes to you-roll with the punches!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I'm 10+ years removed from my own rush experience, but the way I see it now, I AM an awkward girl. So what? Some people are more introverted than others, and we live in a society that asks everybody to be an extrovert. I prefer a few close friends to lots of friends. I prefer one-on-one time with over big parties. I like staying in to read.

Now, if you had told my 17-year-old self this, I probably wouldn't have agreed, and insisted that I am fun at parties and lots of people like me and all that, but the truth is, I was never cut out for a house that expects women to be "on" all of the time, and the chapter I pledged was the right one.

The bottom line is that your sorority is not something that makes you superior or inferior. Chapters are just different, and you should not try to force a fit with something that maybe isn't really you.

This is me, except I'm an extroverted awkward girl, which means I tend to push my crazy on people. I accepted a bid to the "awkward" house, knowing that I'd rather be part of the system than not. I've always know that I was "that girl", but it truely took me until I was about 23 to accept that, and decide to just do me - and if you like me, great, and if not, whatever.

[AZTheta]

toquader: my friends come from almost every GLO (NPC and NPHC). I was invited to another GLO's holiday party/fund raiser and I had an absolute blast. When they sang their grace, they also asked those of us from other GLOs to sing OUR grace. How cool is that? So they got to hear "Theta Grace" (even though I might not have sung it as beautifully as others could) and "Kappa Delta Grace" which was incredibly lovely to my ears. Anyway, I hope you have a fantastic time at recruitment and you find your home. Because membership is for a lifetime and it can be as wonderful as you make it or want it to be.

PS don't waste time reading those mean-spirited, small-minded, foul-mouthed websites. Here on GC you will find valuable, useful information, as well as a lot of laughter, and - if you're lucky - the occasional troll or idjit, which makes it all the more fun..

[angels&angles]

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ht=20something

This is a really valuable recruitment story about expectations, and how wonderful pledging a "bad" sorority can be. Plus it's well-written and a great read.

[DubaiSis]

I'm totally going to check out the self control website. Can it lock my kitchen until the prescribed time?

Good luck! Let us know how it's going!

[DGTess]

I know it's hard to understand when you hear things over and over, but there is no such thing as a "bottom" chapter if it's the place that provides you friendship and sisterhood.

There may well be chapters that are not good fits for you. But only you and they can know that. The girls in the rush groups can't possibly know you as well as you do, nor than they know the chapters as well as the women who are making membership selection decisions.

If a chapter fits you, it will be be your place, no matter where someone else, or everyone else, ranks it.

[als463]

I'll be honest and say that, as an Alumna, when I meet a woman who is Greek, the first thing I think is, "Cool. She must have done some philanthropy and learned how to get along with other people. She's probably a team-player!" Never do I think, "Oh wow, she is part of the (ugly, fat, smart, stupid, skinny, popular, etc.) house."

Once you become an Alumna, people don't even care whether or not your chapter was a "top-tier" chapter or not. In fact, I find it funny that these websites exist because if you check out other schools (not that I am advocating even going on this stupid site) you'll see that tiers change from school to school. XYZ may be #1 at Small School USA but, that same organization may be the "fat girl" sorority at Big Campus USA. Tiers change from chapter-to-chapter, school-to-school and year-to-year.

Your sorority membership is what you make of it. If you end up joining what your friends perceived to be the "lower-tier" house on campus, you may end up helping that chapter thrive and grow. You may even get the opportunity to hold an office position and turn things around. I had some friends in college who received bids to the "top-tier" chapters and ended up quitting. I then had friends who received bids to the "bottomr-tier" chapters and turned those bids down-only to complain that they wish they would have given Greek life a chance, regardless of the "rank" of the sorority for which they received a bid. If you don't get beyond the ranking of the sorority, you may miss out on something VERY VALUABLE...sisterhood!

[psusue]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I'm totally going to check out the self control website. Can it lock my kitchen until the prescribed time?

Bahaha I wish! But seriously, that website SAVED me come finals week. It is so good for breaking those bad internet habits (i.e. logging onto GC and facebook every time you're bored, which for me during finals week is every 5 to 10 minutes, haha).