A Word of Caution to PNMs

[LadyLonghorn]

Consider this a public service announcement for all PNMs.

The Internet can be both your best friend and worst enemy as you prepare to participate in formal recruitment at your school. It can be the source of invaluable information or your complete downfall. You are the one who is driving that car. If you're a great girl who would be a wonderful sister for life, we want you to succeed at recruitment. Really. We do.

However, you are not as invisible nor anonymous on the Internet as you think you are. The world just isn't that big when it comes to colleges and Greek life. Accept this fact and behave exactly as you would when communicating face-to-face with sorority members about possible membership. I think almost all chapters, at least at highly competitive schools, can recount at least one tale of "Death by Facebook" during recruitment. But there's also a lesser known malady called "Death by Greekchat." This is where a PNM's recruitment has been completely torpedoed by her (or a parent's) behavior here.

The amount of due dilligence that is involved in membership selection in the age of the Internet is staggering. Gone are the days of our parents where Patti PNM showed up with a good resume, recs, and a big smile. Now we know Patti also did half the football team on spring break and bragged about it on Facebook. Then she went on Greekchat to talk about how she would only be an XYZ at State U because no one else was good enough for her since she's clearly top tier material. Then she told all the Greekchatters who cautioned her to have an open mind where they could put their open minds. You need to keep yourself tidy, and that includes what you do here on Greekchat.

If you attend a large and/or competitive school, chances are there are sorority members at your school who at least lurk here. Take a look at all those visitors and registered users along the left hand side of this page. I'll give you a hint: they aren't all ESL spammers preparing to make posts about the herbal viagra they sell. They're PNMs like you as well as sorority actives, alumnae and even inter/national sorority officers and other well connected volunteers. Even if no one from your school is here, if you behave poorly, I can assure you that someone here will know someone at your school and send a link to anything questionable you do here.

When people take the time to advise you about how things work at your school, thank them and be gracious. If we tell you that you need recs, rest assured, you do need them. If we tell you a campus is competitive and your 2.8 will get you automatically cut because all the chapters require a 3.3, believe it. It's not that we don't think that you're awesome or otherwise well qualified. It's just that every one of those other PNMs is special too and most of them have at least a 3.3. Don't argue because you don't think things should be that way or decide things can't possibly be that way because you just talked to a stranger at the Quickie Mart and they said their brother-cousin Elmo once dated the sister of someone who was in a sorority at a totally different school and she said that's not the way things are at all. Just because we tell you how things are doesn't mean we agree with the situation. Trust us when we tell you something. We are trying to help you and in many cases, to prepare you for some certain disappointment. Don't kill the messenger even if you don't like the way the message is delivered. This can come back to bite you in a big way and makes you look all sorts of ugly to people who may be in a position to help you become a member.

[KSUViolet06]

In before someone calls you a meanie/locks/deletes.

To add:

If you notice, there are only like 40 members online at any given time, but HUNDREDS of guests.

There are a lot of people who are ACTIVE sorority members at various schools who have NEVER actually posted here but lurk all the time.

Alot of regular posters probably don't go to your school or care what you say. But Katie Kappa who lurks here everyday might.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

This is all good advice.

Also, the flip side: If you come on GC and conduct yourself in a mature manner, it can reflect positively on you, because you are clearly interested in Greek life and willing to do your homework. This is a sign that you are prepared for the commitment, at least at schools like my alma mater where you could sign up for rush about ten minutes before it started.

So, everything LL says is true, but don't be afraid to ask honest questions if you really do use the search function first and still need some help.

[Jill1228]

We need a sticky for this post!

[AOEforme]

I can personally attest to this being true.

Within minutes of a woman posting rude questions and responses, I had several e-mails and PMs from members on this site, complete with links to the posts and screen clippings. I was not the only one given these e-mails. Our Director of Greek Life and a few other recruitment chairs and sorority presidents on campus also recieved them.

Within hours, the alert had gone up and everyone who needed to be was aware of the situation.

If someone is connected enough to answer your questions about Greek Life on a certain campus, they also know enough people at said campus to end your recruitment before it even begins.... if you are rude.

[Benzgirl]

[Eightisgreat]

Haven't been on in a while, but really nice post LadyLonghorn. As the college acceptances start rolling in, the chatter of recruitment is starting to pick up between my daugher and her friends. These girls are pretty darn educated these days, and I love the reminder about "death by facebook." Like I tell my girls and their friends, "Behave....because what happens today is on facebook tomorrow."

[FleurGirl]

This is so true! I know it's been said a thousand times but long before recruitment starts you really ought to set your facebook on uber private. If someone searches for you and a nice picture pops up and that's it, that's what they'll remember, and it will seriously help you. If posts of you and your friends talking about each others' alcoholism and how you threw up on Thursday and you're barely wearing clothes in your picture... you better believe they will remember that when they meet you. In the words of someone very wise, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." In this digital age you better be prepared for the very real possibility that your first impression may be via facebook or GC.

[TweedleDee199]

Chiming in with my two cents: always always always assume that everything you post WILL get read by members or your Greek community. I was barely in my chapter a month before my recruitment story started getting passed around campus, got linked and tagged to me on facebook, and was apparently read by women in a number of chapters, ones I had liked in recruitment and ones that I hadn't. And suddenly I was very happy that I had kept everything "things you're grandma would be ok reading" appropriate.

[Eightisgreat]

So tweedledee brings up a valid point. How do you write a recruitment story (even when you don't list the school...most experienced GCers can figure out where you are) without a connection being made? My daughter will go through recruitment fall of 2011 and I think it would be fun for either her (if she is willing) or me (if granted her approval) to write such a story. I find the stories that are honest and funny very appealing and educational, but how much detail can you give without everyone knowing exactly who you are? It really is a small world.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Eightisgreat

So tweedledee brings up a valid point. How do you write a recruitment story (even when you don't list the school...most experienced GCers can figure out where you are) without a connection being made? My daughter will go through recruitment fall of 2011 and I think it would be fun for either her (if she is willing) or me (if granted her approval) to write such a story. I find the stories that are honest and funny very appealing and educational, but how much detail can you give without everyone knowing exactly who you are? It really is a small world.

Well, Tweedledee's point is that, if written properly, it shouldn't matter if people find out who you are.

[xomanadaxo]

Originally Posted by TweedleDee199

Chiming in with my two cents: always always always assume that everything you post WILL get read by members or your Greek community.

I'd like to edit the above to say "Always assume EVERYTHING you post will get read by EVERYONE (including your mom/grandmom/future employers/future spouse/president of the USA).

I wish more people listened to this advice, especially on GC

[Eightisgreat]

That is one lesson I hope I have driven home to my kids. I say if you aren't willing to wear it on a tshirt, don't post it on facebook. Of course I have seen the tshirts in Spencers so maybe I should choose a different description.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Eightisgreat

That is one lesson I hope I have driven home to my kids. I say if you aren't willing to wear it on a tshirt, don't post it on facebook. Of course I have seen the tshirts in Spencers so maybe I should choose a different description.

Ahh....Spencers. I haven't been there in a hundred years. Glad to know they're still delightfully inappropriate.

[Eightisgreat]

Thank goodness it is the store of choice for my kiddo's "gag" gifts. I feel confident, someone, somewhere, considers it high fashion. Everytime we leave, we joke how completely inappropriate it all really is.