Need honest advice

livelaughluv · #1 09-30-2010, 08:07 PM

Jk everything is awesome

Alumiyum · #2 09-30-2010, 08:13 PM

You don't have to be friends with everyone. Try hard to seek out people that you would choose as friends even if none of you were in a sorority together. Don't get hung up on being BFF with a large group. If that doesn't happen, it doesn't. But you can certainly still have a rewarding experience as an active. It's the close friends...in the sorority or not...that you will keep up with during and after college.

I can tell you I was never part of a group or clique within my chapter, most of my good friends are either independent or not Greek, and I didn't bond with my pledge class in general. I don't feel like I was shorted at all during my collegiate experience. I still went out with the large groups when they went to parties, still hung out with a select few on a one on one basis, and still had fun at our chapter events. To me, what makes a sisterhood different from a club is the fact that you have that bond through ritual with all your sorority sisters, whether you're BFF with them or not.

ree-Xi · #3 09-30-2010, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livelaughluv

So last semester (spring 2010) I went through recruitment, joined a sorority, and initiated (I posted my story on here

). At the time I was so excited about everything and everyone, and the whole new experience, but as time has gone by, I've started to feel like I'm on the fringe. Almost all of the other girls, both within and outside of my initation class, have a huge group of sisters with whom they eat lunches together, have movie marathons, go out together on weekends, have inside jokes, visit each other over the summer, etc., but somehow I'm not a part of that, and that's not to say I haven't tried to be. I've tried to initiate several dinners and hanging out with the girls, I go to almost every event for the chapter, both mandatory and not mandatory, I've run for (and lost) several positions within the sorority, and I'm really trying to reach out and connect to my sisters, none of whom I knew before joining. I don't want to say that I feel "unwanted" because that sounds harsh, but I just feel as though everybody else is so bonded and that I'm missing out. Even my big and I aren't that close. I didn't even know her before she became my big, and she's a senior this year (I'm a sophomore). She and I get along super-well, but she's a greek ambassador this year (think along the lines of a rho gamma) so she can't really be affiliated, and she's also captain of the dance team so she's very busy and I haven't hung out with her once this year. So basically, I feel like I'm disconnected from my sisters. I don't really want my life as a sorority member to be limited to only those experiences and interactions I get during greek sanctioned events--I want real sisterhood.

I guess what I'm asking is how to go about changing this situation, because I really do love my chapter and my sisters, I just want them to love me back

There are SO MANY threads like this, even right now. Get involved in different ways. Get on committees for things you are good at or passionate about - recruitment, choreographer or song leader, scholarship, Panhel, etc. so they can learn more about you. Then be open to new opportunities. Ask people questions and get to know them - friendship is a two-way street.

RedHotSigDelt · #4 10-02-2010, 08:58 PM

I felt like this for a long time. Honestly, you might never have a big group like some of the girls - some people just don't work that way socially. That doesn't mean you can't have an awesome experience, though. Start small - hang out one on one with a few of the girls that you're closest with, start by getting lunch with them and such, and then start inviting them out in small groups if they get along with one another. I don't really have a "group" within my chapter, but I've gotten to be super super close with a few sisters individually. Not everyone is going to have the same experience, and that's okay.

I also recommend taking a little, if you can

ThetaPrincess24 · #5 10-03-2010, 01:22 PM

Does your chapter have housing? If so, are you living in the chapter housing? One's experience living in vs. living out is very different.

ComradesTrue · #6 10-03-2010, 01:55 PM

Another thing to consider: your campus has deferred recruitment. Many of us really bonded with our sisters (both our class and the whole chapter) during the recruitment process.

Hang in there! You have been given great advice about joining committees, living in the house if that is an option, etc. Continue to run for offices if that is your desire. Just because you were not selected this year does not mean that you won't be in the future. Allow your sisters to continue to get to know you, your strengths, and your passions. That goes a long way when it comes time to select officers.

In addition, there is this fairy tale opinion of sororities that everyone in the house will automatically be your "besties." That is not always the case, and it doesn't mean you can't still have a positive greek experience. Continue spending time with as many sisters as possible. Best of luck to you.

33girl · #7 10-03-2010, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Another thing to consider: your campus has deferred recruitment. Many of us really bonded with our sisters (both our class and the whole chapter) during the recruitment process.

Oh, you mean once you are a member and having work week, planning etc. It's been an action-packed weekend and I'm a little slow on the uptake.

ComradesTrue · #8 10-03-2010, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Oh, you mean once you are a member and having work week, planning etc.

Yeah, that is what I meant. Once again I should refrain from typing with a 1 yr old and 3 yr old climbing all over me and I didn't make the post as clear as it should have been. Yes, I was referring to the time spent together planning, working, and recruiting the new members. Many, many members have expressed that this was when they truly cemented bonds within their chapter.

Plus, OP, you will get to be recruiting new members this year. You will not only have a say in who joins your chapter, but you can be the stellar Big Sis that you didn't have.

IrishLake · #9 10-03-2010, 06:00 PM

Blondie just saved me from typing close to the same thing (with a 4 and 2 year old crawling all over me. Kids make thinking and typing at the same time hard!)

ThetaPrincess24 · #10 10-03-2010, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IrishLake

Blondie just saved me from typing close to the same thing (with a 4 and 2 year old crawling all over me. Kids make thinking and typing at the same time hard!)

So do husbands that think the best time to talk about something is when I'm sitting at the computer!