Need advice for daughter

NewCollegeMom · #1 08-20-2010, 03:20 PM

Thanks for everyone's advice, I really appreciate all your help.

KSUViolet06 · #2 08-20-2010, 03:25 PM

I always say that a girl should at least GO to those chapter's parties and see how she feels afterward.

You never know, girls have been really sad, but decided to just go to the parties, and ended up loving one of them.

Also, if she is at a more competitive school, you have to consider that the chapters will probably fill to total and there may not even BE any opportunities for COB.

This is particularly true of "favorite" chapters. Many times, the favorite is going to fill to total and not even have spots to fill.

Also, at many such schools, if there IS COB, it's just as competitive as there are fewer spots available.

That's why it is mostly best to stick it out at least to Preference and see how you feel.

MysticCat · #3 08-20-2010, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewCollegeMom

The next day on Day 5, she was cut from the last house she felt comfortable at. She was left with the two she was the least excited about.

My question is, is your general recommendation for a girl who does not feel comfortable with the two choices she has left, to remove herself? She really struggled with the decision and just felt she would always feel that she settled if she went with a house she didn't feel comfortable with.

I'm lane swerving, I know, but . . .

Perhaps she could consider a different perspective: the two chapters that asked her back like her and see something in her that makes them believe she would be a good fit with them. Seems like the least she can do is accept the invitations to their parties and give them another chance. Like KSUViolet says, she might find herself surprised. Regardless, she'll have more information to make a decision on.

/back to my lane.

NewCollegeMom · #4 08-20-2010, 03:35 PM

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NewCollegeMom · #5 08-20-2010, 03:39 PM

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ree-Xi · #6 08-20-2010, 03:45 PM

Is there a penalty for not going to all the parties she is invited to? At some schools, you're booted from recruitment if you skip any parties.

Seriously, they liked her enough to invite her to their final party. Many minds are changed after Pref. It would be the polite thing to do to go. If they offer her a bid, she can always say no.

NewCollegeMom · #7 08-20-2010, 03:49 PM

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Alumiyum · #8 08-20-2010, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewCollegeMom

This is the last round. If she didn't go to the last party she was going to withdraw, not just skip the party. In my heart of hearts, I hope she did go and give them a chance.

My understanding (and I might be wrong because I have very limited knowledge) is that if she signed the card tonight and got bids tomorrow and she said no to the bids she couldn't COB?

That is correct. If she signs the card she's bound for a year. I really think she should go to the parties, but afterwords if she truly can't see herself there, understands there might not be a COB, and is ok with the fact that she will have to watch her friends run on Bid Day, she should withdraw.

Many times it's completely possible to be happy in a chapter you didn't see yourself in to begin with, but occasionally the PNM and the chapter just have no chemistry at all.

NewCollegeMom · #9 08-20-2010, 04:02 PM

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ree-Xi · #10 08-20-2010, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewCollegeMom

This is the last round. If she didn't go to the last party she was going to withdraw, not just skip the party. In my heart of hearts, I hope she did go and give them a chance.

My understanding (and I might be wrong because I have very limited knowledge) is that if she signed the card tonight and got bids tomorrow and she said no to the bids she couldn't COB?

The issue here is that most of the chapters probably won't have COB, and even some did, what's the likelihood of her favorites participating in COB?

Just musing...I wonder if it's fruitful to consider COB a "backup plan" while you're still in Formal Recruitment? It takes you out of the process mentally, and you're likely not giving proper consideration to the chapters you have left.

Anyway, it's her choice. Just be aware that COB is no guarantee, and her dropping now just so she can COB is not a terrific plan.

NewCollegeMom · #11 08-20-2010, 04:29 PM

Thanks everyone

ree-Xi · #12 08-20-2010, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewCollegeMom

Thanks everyone

Do let us know what happens. If it doesn't work out, she can try again next time/year (no guarantees), and/or she can find other organizations/clubs on campus in which to immerse herself. Organizations such as student government, newspaper/yearbook, service groups, sport/game related (like intramurals), and music/dance/performance all have potential for personal growth and friendship. Depending on the school, there are also "social clubs" or groups that support the sports teams.

MysticCat · #13 08-20-2010, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Do let us know what happens.

She edited her first post to say daughter officially withdrew, then edited it again.

ree-Xi · #14 08-20-2010, 05:05 PM

Sigh.