Please don't stalk the PNMs

Leslie Anne · #1 08-25-2009, 05:03 PM

This happens every year. I wish someone would post a sticky! Usually it's well-meaning curiosity but there are certain things that just shouldn't be done during Recruitment.

Story-reading etiquette:

1) Don't continue to bump a thread hoping that the PNM will magically start posting again. Perhaps things didn't turn out as they'd hoped. If they'd like to update, they will.

2) Don't out the school. If a PNM has chosen to keep her college or university private please respect that choice.

3) Don't try to track down a PNM IRL to find out if they got a bid. This is just creepy.

Add any you feel appropriate!

RU OX Alum · #2 08-25-2009, 05:10 PM

bump because this feels appropriate

DrPhil · #3 08-25-2009, 05:23 PM

Good thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

2) Don't out the school. If a PNM has chosen to keep her college or university private please respect that choice.

3) Don't try to track down a PNM IRL to find out if they got a bid. This is just creepy.

These apply to message boards, in general.

If someone wants to reveal details, they will. Don't do it for them. For instance, if a GLOer is venting about their university but isn't revealing the school name, probably for a reason, don't do it for them. Feel free to PM them if you have questions or comments.

And keep usernames on your screen. Don't research them IRL, even if you may know someone who knows someone who knows someone. That screams "need a hobby."

/lane swerve

CutiePie2000 · #4 08-25-2009, 06:29 PM

Don't blow sunshine or get their hopes up unnecessarily. While saying something like, "I hope the outcome makes you happy." is okay, gushing things like, "Go Strawberry Shortcake or go Ravenclaw!" or whatever made up names they're using in the thread is not. It just gets people's hopes up for nothing.

Frankly, I think posting rushees posting their experiences in their own Rush threads on GC is just asking for trouble and for fate to render them a disappointing result. I'm just saying.

KSUViolet06 · #5 08-25-2009, 06:37 PM

If a PNM does not come back to post in her thread, you can assume any of the following things:

*She got a bid and is too busy with school and her sorority to come back and update.

*She dropped out and didn't want to come back and post that.

*She didn't get a bid and doesn't want to come back and post that.

*She just forgot about the thread.

Whatever the case, let the thread be.

Bumping with "I wonder what happened???" or "please come back and finish!!" is super annoying.

knight_shadow · #6 08-25-2009, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

3a. This includes, but is not limited to, calling the PNM's Greek Life office or asking your XYZ alum friends if the PNM's still in the running.

Yes it's happened on GC before, and yes lady, I'm talking to you.

WTF? Is it really that serious?

UGAalum94 · #7 08-25-2009, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

3a. This includes, but is not limited to, calling the PNM's Greek Life office or asking your XYZ alum friends if the PNM's still in the running.

Yes it's happened on GC before, and yes lady, I'm talking to you.

Did the poster know the PNM in real life?

(I can understand that. I've tried to find out the results of girls I wrote recs for. I haven't called an greek life offices, but I've worked alumnae grapevines and checked facebook.)

But I don't think I'd care that much about a random recruitment thread writer.

violetpretty · #8 08-26-2009, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

While saying something like, "I hope the outcome makes you happy." is okay, gushing things like, "Go Strawberry Shortcake or go Ravenclaw!" or whatever made up names they're using in the thread is not. It just gets people's hopes up for nothing.

I don't see anything wrong with choosing to cheer for one of the code names at the beginning of a thread. I don't think the PNM thinks "Wow, the GCers told me I should go Ravenclaw..." The PNM knows you don't know which code is which chapter, at least at the beginning of the thread, so you really are cheering for whichever dessert/sport/character/whatever and not the chapter that corresponds. Besides, the PNMs probably have their own "hopes" in terms of chapters they like before recruitment, and "cheering" for Ravenclaw isn't going to change that.

However, once the PNM has stated Ravenclaw is her fave, you should back off because, not only is SHE hoping for a Ravenclaw invite/bid, but all these GCers are doing the same.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

Don't blow sunshine or get their hopes up unnecessarily.

Blowing sunshine to me, means saying, "You'll get a bid" or "You'll do great" or "You'll be an amazing addition to any house" etc. Instead, say things like "good luck", because you don't know the poster IRL and you don't actually know if these things are true.

shadokat · #9 08-26-2009, 09:43 AM

the funny part about this is that like 2-3 years ago, we'd have like 15-20 recruitment stories going right now. Because of all the stalking and bullshit, we now are lucky if we get 10 a term. Sure says a lot about the boards progression with these stories.

AOII_LB93 · #10 08-26-2009, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadokat

the funny part about this is that like 2-3 years ago, we'd have like 15-20 recruitment stories going right now. Because of all the stalking and bullshit, we now are lucky if we get 10 a term. Sure says a lot about the boards progression with these stories.

It also says a lot about some of the crazy people in our organizations.

Part of me wishes the Recruitment threads would just go away.

shadokat · #11 08-26-2009, 03:41 PM

true that AOII LB93. It's really sorta sad when you think about it. These stories are fun and interesting, but crazies have to get all stalkerish. I mean, WTF do you care what school this girl is at? I, for one, couldn't care less if XYZ board poster has figured out what school bettyPNM is at, etc. Leave bettyPNM alone to have her recruitment and if she wants to divulge further information at the end, that's her prerogative. Sorry, this just really burns me up

CutiePie2000 · #12 08-26-2009, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadokat

the funny part about this is that like 2-3 years ago, we'd have like 15-20 recruitment stories going right now. Because of all the stalking and bullshit, we now are lucky if we get 10 a term. Sure says a lot about the boards progression with these stories.

It's been a process of evolution on these boards.

AlphaFrog · #13 08-26-2009, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I don't see anything wrong with choosing to cheer for one of the code names at the beginning of a thread. I don't think the PNM thinks "Wow, the GCers told me I should go Ravenclaw..." The PNM knows you don't know which code is which chapter, at least at the beginning of the thread, so you really are cheering for whichever dessert/sport/character/whatever and not the chapter that corresponds. Besides, the PNMs probably have their own "hopes" in terms of chapters they like before recruitment, and "cheering" for Ravenclaw isn't going to change that.

Yes, but what's the point of that? Post count padding? Reinforcing the PNM that there is someone reading their story? Adding so much fluff that people get sick of scrolling through it to real the actual story?

ETA: I'm not cool with outting a PNM's school, but I don't think it's wrong to point out to a PNM that even though they didn't out the school, it's extremely easy to guess.

APhiAnna · #14 08-26-2009, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

ETA: I'm not cool with outting a PNM's school, but I don't think it's wrong to point out to a PNM that even though they didn't out the school, it's extremely easy to guess.

Especially true because everybody on this forum has some interest in Greek Life and understands the differences between schools...but if you are a 17 or 18 year old girl and rush is your first real contact with greek life, you have no idea that simply saying "there are 14 sororities at my school" or "we had to wear a recruitment t-shirt the first day" could eliminate 99% of the schools in the country from the running of your "anonymous university". Naturally you'd simply assume that your recruitment experience was the norm for every other school.

violetpretty · #15 08-26-2009, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Yes, but what's the point of that? Post count padding? Reinforcing the PNM that there is someone reading their story? Adding so much fluff that people get sick of scrolling through it to real the actual story?

Oh I agree it's pointless, I was only arguing it's not harmful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I'm not cool with outting a PNM's school, but I don't think it's wrong to point out to a PNM that even though they didn't out the school, it's extremely easy to guess.

I am one of those GCers who can easily figure out a PNM's school, but if I (along with 99.9% of the GCers) announce that I know, it's to caution the PNM that she might want to be more discreet. Most GCers who announce they know the school say so to either warn the PNM or just because they are proud to have figured it out and want to pat themselves on the back. Most GCers mean no harm. For the most part, it's the lurkers from the PNM's school that PNMs have to worry about, because someone can read whatever they want on GC without registering. You really don't know who is reading.