Dillemma

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I need opinions, because I am having some issues with a sister. I set a sister up with my friend over a year ago for barndance, and she ended up going home with him. They both decided in the sober light of morning that there was no interest on either side, and moved on with their lives.

I want to bring him to my semi-formal, and she is really mad. Am I out of line?

[James]

No, but there sounds like there is a lot more to the story. Maybe she wanted something and he didn't?

Unless she is one of those strange possessive people that never get over any of their flings.


But I might take the time to find out whether she still likes him, and whether she still talks to him etc.

Personally, in the same situation, I would still take the girl to the semi formal. I would figure he had his chance, now its my turn.

[The1calledTKE]

No. She is just being selfish. I guess she might fear that you can get it(a relationship) to work were she couldn't.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Whoa, wait, I guess there is more to the story. He has been a friend of mine for about four years. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has I-Week stuff that he can't miss that night. Therefore, it is very known that my date and I are just friends. I am really upset that I can't take my boyfriend, but I still want to have fun.

She never wanted anything with him. She didn't even let him walk her home. The bottom line is that she is embarassed. She got drunk and hooked up with some guy, and she doesn't want to have to face him, even though it was over a year ago. She is not hurt or jealous, just embarassed.

[dzrose93]

Your sister made the decision (drunk or not) to go home with this guy and regretted the idea the next morning. That doesn't mean that he should be a pariah for every other sister in your chapter.

The bottom line is that she shouldn't be upset with you for bringing a friend to a party.

She's an adult, which means that she needs to just suck up her embarrassment, attend the semi-formal, and be polite to the guy. Just because he's going to be there doesn't mean that she has to make conversation with him. She doesn't even have to be in the same vicinity if that's how she wants it.

Her reaction sounds pretty childish to me.

Good luck. Let us know what happens!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Thanks, I appreciate the female opinion. For some reason, a lot of my sisters are siding with her, and I can't understand why.

[shadokat]

I could be just as childish, but in my sorority house, there was no going out with a guy who a sister went out with. I understand that he's your friend, but she's your sister, and would you want to have to deal with the situation if you were her? I'm not saying she's right...because I personally think she had her chance, but if it was me, I wouldn't bring him for the simple fact that I wouldn't want one of my sisters in a bad way. We all do stupid stuff...and we still love each other That's part of sisterhood!

[James]

I think a lot of your sisters are siding with her because she is radiating more emotion, acting hurt, and threfore probably talking it up more than you have. Add a lot of "how would you feel if . . . " in there also.

She took the proverbial "walk of shame" or whatever. If its the worst thing she ever has to deal with than she is one lucky girl. I understand what Shadokat is saying, but this is "mush to do about nothing", its an issue she practically had to CREATE out of raw emotion, insecurity, and some kind of hay wired dysfunction.

I don't cater my life to the dysfunctional. Nor do I go that far out of my way to allow other people to create issues that I then have to deal with, there are enough real ones.

Take who you are going to be happy with and take her aside and tell her the real deal.

[DGPhoney]

I have to agree with DZrose, obviously theres something else to the story that your sister isn't telling you, maybe she did want a relationship with him and it was just not possible or maybe she's just embrassed about seeing him there. But she is an adult , she made the decision and they both have moved on. So since you can't take your boyfriend, why shouldn't you be entitled to having fun ! I say take him and have fun. HOpe everything goes well
DGPhoney~

[XO_Princess]

I say take him. Obvoiusly the only people who know the story are your friend and your sister. Whatever decisions were made by either of them have nothing really to do with you. It's not like you're trying to hurt her or anything. I think that you are all adults, and being an adult means acting like one. You are, at some point in your life, going to be in situations with people which are less than optimal, but you have to be mature, act politely, and move on. I think you should explain everything to your sister-tell her that you are in no means trying to hurt her, etc. but that this is your friend, and you want to take him. Good luck sweetie.

[James]

XO-Princess, hit the nail on the head. Do what she said for the reasons she gave Kudos to you Chi Omega. Well put.