ADVICE!!

Ren5 · #1 03-24-2001, 08:13 PM

What would you do if your best friend/ boyfriend/ confidant/ lover betrayed your trust? My boyfriend and I have been in a very serious relationship for the past 3 years, 2 years before that we were best friends. We've had a relationship that poeple our age dream of. Everyday has been a day filled with romance and love. He lives about an hour and 1/2 away so we aren't together everyday, not even every weekend. All his friends and family adore me and likewise with mine. His friends are always telling me that I am his world and that he loves me to death. I feel the same way about him. Well last weekend, I was starting to have these strange feelings about our relationship and couldn't quite figure out why? So while at work one day I checked his e-mail. He accidentally gave it to me a while back, but I never had any reaosn to check it. Well needless to say, what I found I wish I hadn't. Seems as though back in August, he went to a married womans house and had her preform oral sex on him. The details were very explicit and in depth. From what I gathered the only reason they didnt' go all the way was because it was that time of the month for her. He made references to coming back and them doing it again. I don't know if it ever happend, but like I sad he made references to it. TRUE I had just broken up with him that night, but I mean really, he knew I was just upset. It makes me wonder had this happend b4 and if this visit the next morning was already in the making. O.k., seems as though they had been making plans to meet again this month, but their schedules kept conflicting, so that's what really pissed me off. When I approched him about it he claimed that it only happened one time and he was upset because I had broken up with him. He also said that the meeting for this month was just a hoax, he was only playing with her about that. IMO I don;t think they were just playing if it had happend b4, he's leaving for the Air Force next month so now I'm really confused about what to do. I really hate to break up with him, after 3 long years of building a relationship and the effort we've both put into it. But I also hate to just forgive him and he thinks its o.k. and it happens again. I've already decided I'm gonna see other people becaue the trust factor is long gone. What should I do. We're suppose to have a loooong talk about this and our relationship in general soon so I need advice ASAP. Please help me!

Billy Optimist · #2 03-24-2001, 09:31 PM

This should be moved to chit chat, but i think he's cheating on you.

Hootie · #3 03-24-2001, 10:46 PM

yeah, i agree with billy. this topic probably belongs in chit chat, but i'm going to give you my two cents worth anyway - wink wink.
girlfriend...i've been there. similar situation in that i knew the password to my boyfriend's email - heck, i gave him one of my aol accounts anyway. i started getting suspicious because...well, you can just tell when things aren't going the way they normally do. women's intuition perhaps.
well i found out he'd been emailing and conversing over the phone with some girl in a neighboring state. he had a picture of her in his email box and i couldn't believe what i was reading. he made plans to go see her and everything. it totally ruined my trust and when i was online under his screenname she started talking to me. i explained i was his girlfriend and she laughed - if that's possible via computer- saying that my ex told her that a friend of his might play a joke on her saying he had a girlfriend. that's when i found out the truth and i confronted him. he claimed he never met her but realized that his behavior hurt me and our relationship. still, we continued to see each other. then around our 1 year anniversary i got suspicious again...finding receipts for flowers that weren't given to me and a movie ticket stub that was to a movie he didn't take me to. when i confronted him he told me he took a coworker to a movie to cheer her up. having been hurt the first time, i didn't believe him. and to this day i'm not sure what, if anything, happened with him and the second girl, but it ruined our relationship and for seven more months it declined.
moral is - sorry so long - get out and stay out of a relationship with someone who lies and cheats. relationships should be based off of trust and you'll only be fooling yourself if you believe that he won't do it again. and as i pointed out, the second time it happened to me it didn't matter...i still didn't trust him. and what kind of relationship is that.
well, good luck and i hope this all helps you remember that you're not the only one this happens to.
as my sorority sisters have recently told me, there's someone special out there just waiting for you. so keep that in mind and smile.
sisterly love,
hootie

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What do you get when you cross and Alpha Omicron Pi and a Sigma Phi Epsilon? A beautiful Chi Omega!!!

Allie_XO · #4 03-24-2001, 10:56 PM

My take - short and sweet - is that the second you start to have doubts, the relationship is over. If you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. Whether or not something "shady" is going on or not, if there is no trust, there is no relationship.

Sorry, but you need to get out now and move on.

Allie

[This message has been edited by Allie_XO (edited March 24, 2001).]

33girl · #5 03-25-2001, 04:43 PM

My big just went through something similar, though the @#$% has yet to admit that he is in fact busted.

If the trust is kaput, it doesn't matter whether it's been 3 years or 30. Trust your gut - if you are having weird feelings they're usually right. We need to stop overanalyzing our lives to death and listen to our insides. I agree with everyone else, get out now.