Can a Guy Ever Change His Mind?

KillarneyRose · #1 10-21-2001, 12:08 AM

The college student who babysits my girls came to me with a dilemma that I can't solve so I thought I would throw this out to all of you and see your takes on the situation...

Suppose a guy asks a girl (ex girlfriend) to a formal (as friends)waaaay ahead of time and then a few weeks later meets a new girl he is absolutely nuts about and wants to break the date with the ex girlfriend and take the new girl. Add to the mix that, since he asked her, the ex girlfriend has been being a real witch not returning his calls, etc.

Is it ever right for the guy to cancel on the girl he originally asked and then take the girl he likes? I know theoretically a gentleman doesn't ever change his mind on something like this but I was more interested in reality; not theory.

Thanks for any input, guys!

Optimist Prime · #2 10-21-2001, 12:43 AM

um...if other girl was acting like she didn't want to go, then she probably doesn't want to go, and he should with the other girl. If she still wants to go, then the man is a gentleman. I guess. Nah, screw that, i've been on the side that got dropped, that sucks.

Miami1839 · #3 10-21-2001, 12:56 AM

This may not sound realistic but this is what I think. I think that the guy should think twice before even asking his ex to formal. If he said yes and finds that theres a better girl thats tough. If it was me I would definitely stick with the ex even though I was miserable. However, I would explain the situation to the girl I liked and if she really liked me than it wouldnt be an issue. I think it relates to keeping your word/commitments and I know that if I was the ex's shoes it wouldnt be cool. Ex or not.

Kevin

TigerGirl52 · #4 10-21-2001, 01:04 AM

I have to agree with you Kevin. He should definitely go with the ex. He needs to keep his word. This happened to me my freshman year...I asked a friend to go with me to formal. Then I might this guy that I was head over heels for. I didn't want to be mean and tell my friend to bug off so I went with him. My new guy totally understood when I told him the situation. I think this guy's new girl will totally understand like my friend if she really likes that guy.

Just my 2 cents.

allison

KSigkid · #5 10-21-2001, 02:27 AM

Never ask ex's to formals. EVER. End of story

amycat412 · #6 10-21-2001, 02:40 AM

Well, I doubt this will be a popular opinion but--

He should go with whomever he most wants to go with regardless of whether that is the first person he asked. ESPECIALLY since the first one asked is not his current girlfriend and because she is acting so rudely.

If I were him, I would just be honest with the ex and tell her he would prefer to take someone with whom he has the possibility of a future. Yeah, its a little harsh, but so is the way the ex is treating her.

I'll make a confession. In college I was somewhat legendary for changing my mind about my date. Yeah, not proud of it, but it got to be kinda funny by senior year when everyone knew about it and I asked someone to my fall invite and he said "Am I the 1st you've asked" and I said yes and he said "Well please go ask someone else and then come back to me, cause I really want to go with you" LOL I didn't cancel on him, and ended up dating him for 4 1/2 years.

newbie · #7 10-21-2001, 03:21 AM

I would hope that he wouldn't go with the ex. Reasons?

1) The date is his ex. 'Nuff said.

2) I know it's not very polite, but hey - if he doesn't cancel on her, they will both be MISERABLE! He, for not having a good time and wishing he was with someone else, she, b/c she probably didn't want to be there anyway. Plus, how good will she feel once she knows that she's been used as a "pity"/polite/I don't want-to-hurt-your-feelings date?

3) Both of them deserve a good time at the formal. It doesn't look like they'll have fun if they're going together.

In the long AND short run, I think that would be the better option.

justamom · #8 10-21-2001, 08:34 AM

This may answer may shock some people but...
He may not have a problem. If his ex is acting like that, she may not want to go and thinks by being rude he WILL break the date.
She may be nudging him in that direction.

He could talk to her and phrase it to give her a great big out.
I asked a guy to our formal who accepted ONLY because he wanted to go to our formal. At 11:00 he said, "I promised my GIRLFRIEND I'd stop by before I went home so we gotta leave." BUMMER... I wish I had known ahead what a total waste that evening would be.

My daughter JUST broke a date with some guy. WHY? He told her "If you need to reach me I'll be at _________(insert girl's name) house drinking before we go." The date was a set up and she explained everything to her friend. No, not the nicest thing to do, but the guy was a hideous lush and obnoxious to boot. Do I think she did the right thing? I trust her decision & instinct.

Sounds like neither of them really wants to go as is. If he approaches it like, "I've met someone...I know you were being nice...I don't want to hold you to our date..." It could get him out of it. IF SHE ALREADY BOUGHT THE DRESS-TAKE THE EX. (Could he find someone else who might really like to take her?)

ZTAngel · #9 10-21-2001, 11:02 AM

I've actually been in that situation before. Luckily, since me and my ex have such an awesome friendship, he was very understanding. But, at the same time, I was a hypocrite bc one of the things I hate the most is "sell-outs".
A friend of mine was in this situation back in high school during Homecoming. Her boyfriend went with the girl he had originally asked and then met up with his girlfriend at the after parties. Maybe your friend can do something like that to keep them both happy. He'd have to have a very understanding girlfriend, though.

33girl · #10 10-21-2001, 12:01 PM

The ex is probably WELL AWARE that he has met another girl he likes and that's why she's being so frosty. It sounds like she just wants him to have the cojones to come to her and say "I really feel bad about this, but I really did ask you just as a friend and I'm sorry if you thought it was more. Given that you haven't seemed to want to be around me I don't think we would have fun at the formal."

He will have to crawl on his belly a little, but it'll be worth it. Then he and his new woman can go to the formal and have a good time. Plus, I'm assuming this is HIS formal not hers. It's not like she will have to show up at her own formal without a date. That would be a whole other story.

Yes it does suck being dumped, but it sucks more being on a date (especially to a formal) with a guy who doesn't want to be with you. It's one thing to ask/go with an ex if you know the feelings on both sides are STONE COLD DEAD (i.e., if taking them would be like taking one of your brothers/sisters as a date) but they rarely are.

bucutie02 · #11 10-21-2001, 12:27 PM

I know it might sound harsh, but the guy should really go with the girl he wants to go with. I know the right thing to do might be with just going with the girl he asked in the first place, but if she is acting the way she is and he doesnt want to go with her they will both have a horrible time.

In high school, our drill team was having their annual formal, and my friend set me up with this guy from the soccer team. I didnt really know him that well, but i was fine with the idea. Turns out he was the only one there not wearing a tux and he said it was because he didnt want to waste any money he was saving up for prom, and i think he wanted to go just to go and tell all his friends he went to the drill team formal. I had an awful time, and most of the time we were there, he was off talking to his best friend (girl). He practically danced with her the entire time anyway. I was so mad because even though we werent dating or anything- he made me feel like a loser. At the end of the night he came up to me and was like "its my turn to dance with the prettiest girl here"

He should go with the person he wants to go with, everyone will be happier in the long run!

valkyrie · #12 10-21-2001, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
This may answer may shock some people but...
He may not have a problem. If his ex is acting like that, she may not want to go and thinks by being rude he WILL break the date.
She may be nudging him in that direction.

As usual, well said justamom! I was thinking the same thing.

DeltaBetaBaby · #13 10-21-2001, 04:54 PM

Odds are, he and his ex are not friends. You never are. Either they are going to go and make out, or they are going to go and bitch at each other.

Either way, it is trouble. Don't do it!

The1calledTKE · #14 10-21-2001, 07:11 PM

Dump the ex. There is potental with the new girl and not the old. It maybe wrong but he should do what is best for him.

James · #15 10-21-2001, 08:59 PM

First: He deserves any and all aggravation he recieves for being stupid enough to ask his EX to something like a formal. Talk about frigging pathetic . .. hope he doesn't have sons to corrupt into half men like he is . ..

Ok so he's asks his ex to the formal in some loser attempt to keep her in his life and offer a chance of them getting back together again . . . and since she is obviously in the power position she treats him the way he deserves to be treated . . .

But then voila he meets a new girl that supersedes his Ex and so he is looking for an excuse to dump the girl he wanted to keep sleeping with, and replace her with the girl he hopes to sleep with . . . And he starts citing excuses like the ex is mean, which he already knew . . . That is why she is an ex.

Ok, I'm following now . . . First of all he doesn't sound like the kind of guy that is really strong enough to tell his ex he is going to take someone else in her place . . tough bananas, unless she really provokes him.

Oh well, I wouldn't be where he is at . . I would throw myself off a tall building first

But, he either needs to just cancel with her and cite the excuse she is being mean . . . although I would just flat out tell her I didn't like her and would rather take the new prettier sexier girl I met . . . or be like . . . look i'll take you if you promise to stop acting like a bitch because I will send you home by can in the middle of my formal if you irritate me . . .

But hey, thats just my two sense